I feel for you if you are doing everything yourself with a new baby. I don't have any family in the state and so rely fully on husband helping (or at least getting him to help me). Some suggestions/strategies that i try sometimes (they don't work all the time but can help some days).
- give him clear jobs
- teach him how to bath, clean baby, change nappies and then give him the confidence to do them himself. it can be very funny to sit back and watch him do them. He almost drowned Ben the other day as he was so focused on cleaning his bottom that he dipped Ben's head under water unnoticed for a second!! laughing about it helped although i was furious i didn't want that to be the last time he bathed him.
- taking out nappy bin and rubbish is his job, although i often remind him it needs emptying.
- cooking dinner became a nightmare for me so now husband has done a list of menu for next 7 weeks (weekdays only) of what we eat, it helps so much. although i still cook it at least i know what we are having and when we do the shopping i have everything he wants.
- do the washing when he is home and get him to hang clothes out with you.
- i now do house cleaning and vacuuming when he is home and he gets the silence message to get up and help me at least tidy the place (or he looks after son while i clean).
- by setting clear jobs for him it has helped me although i often do everything it can help a little bit (money, bills, shopping, cleaning, cooking, running house, and naturally baby care and upbringing).
- get him to help by taking baby for a walk to the shops or park so you can sleep or check emails etc at your own leisurely pace.
- take your chance on weekends for at least one hour of self care if you can't at any other time. for me a swim at Icebergs is my heaven even if only for 20mins.
After all i have said my husband doesn't have time to do much at home but at least he is earning money and that to me is a blessing not to have to do also at this stage. for that i love him dearly and also the emotional support he gives when he can.
good luck with getting him to help out.
Mum to two boys (born March 07 & December 08)