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Hey Girls

My name is Sarah, I'm 17 (18 next month) and I went into hospital 2 days ago wth massive tummy cramps. Found out I was pregnant! Pretty big shock....

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years, and we have discussed what we would do if this ever happened, and he is certain he wants me to have an abortion. However... I'm starting to have second thoughts! I dont know what to do!

I am adopted, my birth mother was 15 when she had me and she was brave enough to go through with it, which would make me feel pretty guilty being two years older than she was (3 when I give birth) and not being able to. I wouldnt be alive if it werent for her decision, so I feel like a major hypocrit if I just have an abortion when I'm faced with a pregnancy.
She was alot younger than me, single, and her parents were furious. I have a stable relationship and loving parents, I could support the baby just fine.

I know I'm young - this is why my boyfriend wants me to get rid of it, hes very serious about his university study and having a great career, and feels this would muck that up.

I personally wouldnt mind giving up my study at the moment, we planned to have children young anyway (early to mid 20's)so I was prepared to give up study or work somewhere along the line, which is fine, having a family was my priority.

I'm so unsure of what to do!! And I dont want to upset my boyfriend.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

I'm due in May next year

I was in a similar situation to you. I just turned 18 in june, and found out i was pregnant late may.
I had always planned to study, and have kids mid 20's. I was more career orientated, rather than family. I have been with my boyfriend (now fiance) for almost 4 years, and i was just lucky he was very supportive either way i was going to decide.
I had an abortion when i was 16, because i knew i couldnt take care of a child at that stage - but i know it was the right choice. But now im 18, i think i can handle the responsibility, and am keeping my bub smile Due in a week! lol
Studying is still an option too, i am going to continue, via correspondence.
[Edited on 10/09/2008]

Hey, thanks for your reply!

How did you go about benefits? If you are on one. Because I looked into the DPB, but it says you arent eligable if you are in a relationship, coz ur not a solo Mum. But my boyfriend would be studying at Uni still and wouldnt be working to support me anyway, so it doesnt really make a difference that we are together.

We had always has an agreement that if I got pregnant before 20 I would have an abortion, but when I give birth I will be only 1yr and 4 months off 20, its not like I'm shockingly young anymore, and the age had more to do with our plans for the future not to do with whether we would be ready or not.

I know he is 100% certain on an abortion, and I'm so scared to tell him I'm having second thoughts! You're really lucky to have a fiance who was happy either way.
all i can say is congrats i had my first bub whern i was 21 so i don't know what it is like but i am glad i kept her she is a little ratbag now 2 year old and i am expecting our second at first my husband bf at the time had only been with him 3 months wanted that but once we sat down and talked he and i both couldn't be happier i am sure if you sat down and had a propper convo he will be fine if not at least it will all bee out in the open as to him knowing how you feel. all i say is do what you feel not them

hey there.

I was 16 when i found out i was pregnant with my first child, i decided that it wasnt fair on the baby to have an abortion.. i think every child has a right to life.
So there i was 16 years old, pregnant.. and the guy who got me pregnant didnt want anything to do with me.. so i decided that family and friends was all i needed to raise this baby. unfortunatly she got very sick at 28 weeks gest and was born sleeping.
Still to this day i do not regret my decision to keep my first little girl, as i am now 19 years old and pregnant with my second little girl and with the most perfect guy who will be a wonderful father to our baby.
Things happen for a reason, so i just think that if i had decided to get an abortion at 16, i wouldnt have found the love of my life and wouldnt be having a beautiful family today...

hope my story has helped a bit
all the best with your decsion xx

mummy 2 leila & mia x

Hey syd babe,

Thanks for ur reply.

You're right, I do need to sit down and talk to him.

I can see his side aswell, and also understand it is very early on and he hasnt had time to really think about what is happening or consider keeping it.

Its weird for me aswell though, because I thought I'd want an abortion aswell if I ended up in this situation, but now that it has actually happened it makes ya think differently! Especially because of my birth mum, I wouldnt be here if it werent for her bravery, and she had worse conditions than I do! So this has a lot more meaning to me because of her.

I have a feeling he would be angry at first, but after a while he would come round, if I showed it was really what I wanted. We were lying in bed last night and he said "I would be so happy about this if it were a few years later."
So if I assured him that we would deal with it well (which I'm sure we could) he might be able to be happy about it?

Thanks for ur advice

Sarah x
Hey angel eyes,

Wow thats a really moving story.
Sorry for your loss but its great you have ended up how you are now!

I agree with you when you say every child has the right to life, as it is how I came about myself! lol

I would feel so guilty having an abortion, I got myself into this situation so its unfair to kill the baby. I know I am a mature and smart girl, I could be a great Mum if I wanted to be, so I don't think I have enough reason to get an abortion.

I know my boyfriend isnt happy about this - he IS supportive but he wants the abortion.
We plan to get married and have children in a few years anyway, so its not like its something we dont WANT, its just something we didnt want right NOW. But like you said, everything happens for a reason, and the fact that timing wasnt quite right isnt enough to kill a baby in my mind.

Thanks so much for sharing your story

Sarah x
I would feel so guilty having an abortion, I got myself into this situation so its unfair to kill the baby. I know I am a mature and smart girl, I could be a great Mum if I wanted to be, so I don't think I have enough reason to get an abortion.

Hi Sarah,
I was 19 when I got pregnant with my dd.She was not planned at all and I had'nt been with my bf very long- like 2weeks.
I considered an abortion for a little bit but knew that I could'nt go through with it.
Being a young mum won't be easy, but you sound like a great person who would be capable of doing this.I quoted what you said up top because it sounds like you already know what you want to do..You don't want to do something that you may regret.It would be sad if you had one just because of what your bf says.
Anyway I wish you the best in your decision and I hope you can make the right one for you, whatever that may be.


hi again,

just give him time, he will warm to the idea.. its so shocking for a guy to hear that theyre going to be a daddy, its like there life flashes before there eyes lol
when i told my partner we were expecting, he ran around yelling abortion as well.. but after 2 days or so he was so excited to become a dad.
it was also a bit heartaching when we told his dad because its the first grandchild in there family it came as a big shock as weve only been going for a year or so.. but now he keeps telling me to get the baby out now lol
everyone will warm to the idea they just need time to think about the future and what a positive thing a baby really is.
Its easier for the women to accept because we all have the maternal instinct =)

good luck new mummy
sez xx

mummy 2 leila & mia x

Thanks for your comment. You're right, I want to keep my baby.

This afternoon I started throwing up, I txted my boyfriend and he replied, "why? you were fine before" and I said "well I'm not now, and what do you mean WHY?"
He said "Its not because you're pregnant. You hardly have been for long. You dont just get sick like this. Dont use it as an excuse."

Hearing that from my boyfriend of 4 and a half years was pretty heartbreaking, if thats the kind of support hes willing to give me then I am definitely not going to have an abortion just for him, he can get stuffed!

That made me think about how important it is to do what I want to do.

Congrats on ur pregnancy smile

Sarah xox

[Edited on 10/09/2008]
with what ur bf has said about u being sick, it is very common for a guy to think like that ,they don't understand that all thou u have just found out the changes have been happening for a few weeks now, and ur morning sickness just happens behond our control. My DH has made a few comments like that over the last 2 weeks and this is our 2nd. Give him a chance to come around, it is hard for the father to form the same bond we do with our baby, as they are looking in from the outside and not noticing the changes like us.

Congrats on the pregnancy and I wish u luck with your pregnancy and the months to come. I hope ur bf comes around for u.
Hey Sarah,

I'm a wee bit unsure what to say as I have so much I want to say, if that makes sense!!

From my point of view reading your story so far it sounds as though, deep down you know what's right for you and your situation (you want to keep the baby) but your BF is swaying your decision as you don't want to upset him and keep a baby if he doesn't want you too.. I hope that makes sense!!

It's such a life changing, body and mind altering experience to be pregnant and have a child, but you are capable of doing so and you should like your very mature and know exactly what you want. My personal beliefs on abortions are rather limited- I don't believe it's right to abort an innocent child (just my opinion!).

I'm 18 and my partner and I are expecting our first in December (unplanned and unexpected), this hasn't been an easy pregnancy for me or easy for our relationship but he is the most supporitive, loving, caring guy I could ever ask for and after his initial "F U C K!!!" reaction (he was extremley anrgy as he didn't want this at all at the start, sure has changed his tune now though!)

I hope my rambling has in a way helped you out. I hope you decide to do what's right for you and your situation, all i can suggest is to talk with your partner.. tell him your thoughts. Im sure he will understand your point of view. I hope everything turns out the way you want.

Please PM me if you want to chat =) Im more than happy to talk!

-Amber xo

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