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People at labour and birth Lock Rss

I'm not quite sure what I'm asking here but here goes. I am being induced in 8 days and this time I have a girlfriend who has offered to be available in whatever way I need. And now also my sister has offered to be there at the hospital for me and I want to say yes to both offers. My partner has asked why and what do i need them to do, he says aren't there doctors and nurses at the hospital? Which there are of course but I know they're not in the room with you the whole time. I'm not sure he gets how scared I am and thinks its more a medical process, you just get medical help if you need.

Last year I labored almost entirely on my own and at one point was in so much pain I couldn't actually do anything to help myself or get anyone to help, I was just on my own in the room so my main fear is just being alone. I just like the thought of having everyone nearby, just in case. Even though it's an induction I'd ideally still like to try for a drug free birth (possible?) I guess I just have to see. Just not sure if having 2 extra people there on the day is too much?
Do what makes YOU comfortable smile




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Thanks smile you make it sound so easy but maybe I should stop thinking and just do that.
Perhaps if you explain that giving birth isn't actually something medical but something normal and explain your fears of being left alone.
If you don't want more then you and DH to be there at the time of delivery. I would ask if your sister would perhaps wait in the waiting room and come in as a stand in when your partner needs to get a drink or go to the loo etc.
I guess the more people at the delivery means you might have less bonding time with your baby. It felt really good to just have DH, me and baby for that first hour or two with the MW very professionally staying in the background.
If you feel comfortable with having them both there and you want the extra support then i say go for it. Your hubby isnt going through it, you are. Do what makes you happy.





Thanks everyone!

Little Miss's wrote:
Is it possible your partner feels like he won't have a part if there are 2 other people? Perhaps you could choose one to come in with you and have the other on standby incase you have a long labour ( they can tag team). It's totally up to you though and do what you are comfortable with. I understand that you would be scared, perhaps you could talk to your DP and let him know your fears. All the best and can't believe you are having your baby in 8 days grin


I can't believe it either eeek! Yeah I am worried he might feel a bit taken over by all the women around and like he's pushed aside and I don't want that, I'm conscious that he deserves to be front and centre if he wants. I'm starting to think maybe having one on standby would be a compromise and also trying to make it clear that ultimately it's our day and if they're asked to leave its not personal, just what we need at the time. Hopefully thats not too rude to say.
MamaMum wrote:
Perhaps if you explain that giving birth isn't actually something medical but something normal and explain your fears of being left alone.
If you don't want more then you and DH to be there at the time of delivery. I would ask if your sister would perhaps wait in the waiting room and come in as a stand in when your partner needs to get a drink or go to the loo etc.
I guess the more people at the delivery means you might have less bonding time with your baby. It felt really good to just have DH, me and baby for that first hour or two with the MW very professionally staying in the background.

Yeah I will have to try to talk to him more, he's never been at a vaginal birth before and he tends to just make a lot of jokes about it. He didn't make it in time last year and his first son (different partner) was a c section. That's something to be conscious of with bonding after baby is born and people around. Thanks smile
MiriB wrote:
Gosh, not long now, exciting.
Yeah, you can always ask them to leave or get your partner to do it if you decide you don't want them in the room. Have they been present at a birth before or had children of their own? That should make them understanding of your whims on the day. If not, just prepare them for the fact you may ask them to leave and to not take offence etc.
I think you can do anything if you put your mind to it and if you're not feeling afraid because you have good support then it might help the chances of a drug free birth. Hopefully they will hook everything up so you still have some freedom of movement to get up and change position. That being said, I've not been induced although I think I had the same stuff when my labour stalled, it just increased gradually so it was manageable. smile


Yeah my sister has 2 kids and my friend has 3. So I feel pretty confident they can take all my whims. I'm closer to my girlfriend, but my sister is a rock under pressure type person. My sister is likely to be a bit more assertive/dominant than my friend and that's possibly what my partner doesn't want. And I can appreciate that. The hospital is quite supportive of helping women have active labour and they don't administer many epidurals so here's hoping.

benjamins_mummy wrote:
If you feel comfortable with having them both there and you want the extra support then i say go for it. Your hubby isnt going through it, you are. Do what makes you happy.


Thanks Benjamin's mummy smile
Thanks unique, I know not that long now hey. I'm into a single figure countdown.
Ooh, getting close now grin I'm not sure what your hospital is like, but ours has a policy of only two birthing partners allowed in at a time. So if that's the case then if you say yes to both they will have to tag team. At the end of the day though, it is completely up to you and what you want (within hospital guidelines) but it's your husbands baby too, so although it's not him giving birth he does need to have a little say. That's my opinion anyways tongue make sure you talk to him and figure it out before the day! And all the best!!!!! xx



Hey hun, I understand where you're coming from - for my first child I wanted my aunty there as she's an experienced midwife and I felt nervous about the birth. I really didn't even consult hubby, I just asked her and she was happy to be there.

When the time came where our dd was being born and I was pushing.... I had the dr down there and the midwife appointed by the hospital as well as my aunty. As they were all focused on me my husband did not get a look in and was sort of standing up by my hip. So while he did see her born from that angle he felt a bit like he wasn't an important part of the birth. It also happened this way because dd had the cord wrapped tight twice around her neck and there was a bit of a flurry to cut it before her body came out, so I think also missing out on cutting the cord was a bit upsetting for him.

I didn't know that he felt like this until I was pregnant the second time round... I was considering who would be there at the birth, and hubby blurted out how he didn't want others there because of the above reasons. I hadn't thought of it this way before... and I felt really bad for him. So we had no extra people there and also refused to have the students that wanted to be there and to be honest it was perfect. It was intimate and quiet and a very special event for both of us, I got to grab bubba as he was being born and as I was lifting him to my chest hubby burst into tears. I don't think he would've experienced such intense emotion if he wasn't included as a part of it. He also got to cut the cord this time which I was glad about.

I know that it's you that has to go through the birth and it's you in pain and its your body etc etc... but it's his child and I think it's important to consider the experience they have too.

I think in your case your hubby needs to know how you felt last time... and make sure he doesn't leave you alone even for a moment. If it's a long birth, no excuses.... you don't get to eat and drink and neither does he! Maybe you will feel better about it just being him there if you have this agreement in place.




Have you told your husband about your fears? Telling him may help him to understand why you feel like you need the extra support. Also sitting down with your sister, girlfriend and husband and going over what everyone's role is in your birth may help him feel better about it and not like he is not going to be a major part.

I'm a week and a half out from my due date and we have a birth plan that states exactly what our support peoples roles are. It states who does what and when. Its a great way to help visualize the experience you want and a way to help calm some of your fears.

At the end of the day you are the one giving birth and you need to feel as secure as possible, especially with induction, the less stress on you the easier your birth will be.

Good luck and all the best.
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