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  5. traumatic birth... im now teary and angry about it....

traumatic birth... im now teary and angry about it.... Rss

Hello,
I had my beautiful little girl Amidah 7 months ago, I went this morning to have her checked out and weighed etc, and our early childhood nurse asked me how I was feeling.... its taken all this time for me to register all that happened.... i got really teary and emotional as when my baby was born, I was in labour for 3 days, had 3rd degree tearing, and 5 epidural attempts to get my heart rate down. Im so happy my daughter is doing really well and all, but now I cant help feeling upset about what happened, especially because the hospital doesnt want to be accountable for anything. On my discharge papers they put down my labour was only for 6 hours! i was in well established labour for at least a day! Sorry to vent but I cant help it! id love to hear all your thoughts and ideas to get over this..... thanks xx
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that you didn't have an enjoyable birth experience..
I didn't really either, but not as bad as yours sounds!
Fair enough that you still feel upset about it - you can be sure that I still have my moments where I wish it had gone differently!
Now that there's another one on the way, I'm starting to get nervous about this time too.
Have you written it all down in a diary or something? Maybe write down all the details and how you feel about it.
Sometimes putting it down on paper can help..
Maybe then you can have a little banishing ceremony where you can burn what you've written and tell yourself that your negative thoughts will burn with the paper? I know, sounds weird, but it might help.
Maybe also write down some positive affirmations about what you got at the end of it - your beautiful daughter.
I hope this helps maybe a little.
Try to stay strong and positive.
Hi there.
I am so sorry about your birth experience. You have every right to feel the way that you do. There are so many women that have traumatic birth experiences and many go unacknowledged. Do you have close friends of parent figure you can talk to. Someone that will listen and not try and tell you that the baby is the prize, it doesn't matter how you get it. YOUR BIRTH IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!! YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!!! (I just wanted to clarify smile )

A lot of women find that by getting their records from the hospital, they can start to work through what actually happened. It can be extremely hard to do - however it may help you in the healing process. Knowledge is the key.
JennaLJ's idea is also fantastic and may help you to let go of some of the negative feelings and the anger.

This has a list of support and other ideas.
http://www.forums.naturalparenting.com.au/showthread.php?t=4340

I really hope you can find the help that you need to start healing.

All the best. xxx
that might be traumatic, but what happen to me is mind blowing! the hospitals mistakes cover ups and more cover ups, i have lm in the process of taking my matter furthur, it was 100% neglegance on top of neglegance! im taking it to today tonight, i should be compensated for what happen to me, i think u got off lightly!

let me say i would of been better off giving birth in the gutter then liverpool hospital, and if i ever see a midwife or doctor that treated me while i was there i think i'd try and kill em!
let me say, the hopsital has no record of what happen to me! no record at all! silly them! i have a copy!
they no what they did to me is ....(no words for it!) and they no i could take it furthur..
in a matter of words, they left me unable to have anymore kids without corrective surgery to correct all their mistakes, that were all 100% their actions and not because of my body or complications , if they didnt make their mistakes i would of had a normal complication free birth, but my problems physically went on for about 6 months. ALL DUE TO THEIR MISTAKES!

they owe me BIG TIME!!!!!!!
i cant help but think HOW DARE THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi there,
So sorry to hear your birth story. I am expecting my first any day now and truely hope that the birth is something which I will fondly remember and cherish. My partner and I completed a course called 'Calm Birth', which I can't recommend more highly. It is quiet hard to explain what it is, have a look at there website perhaps. It has provided us with techniques, knowledge and understanding which will hopefully ensure a calm and happy birth for me, my husband and most importantly our baby. Perhaps this may help overcome your bad birth experiences to enable more positive and happy experience for all the next time round. Happy & Calm birthing !!!
Kristen, nothing anyone can say will change your labour experience. And no-one will ever quite be able to understand what you went through. I had a traumatic birth experience also - involving failed epidurals, 3rd degree tears, a haematoma & emergency surgery with a GA after DS was born. It was actually 3 days later before I even changed my first nappy.

Basically what I have found is that it is like a grieving process. We have these expectations of what our birth will be like. We might think we prepare ourselves for things not going to plan - like maybe needing a CS etc. But nothing ever can prepare you for how inhuman (sp?) you feel and how 'ripped off' you feel for not getting the labour experience you feel you deserved. It is a loss we have to live with. Nothing will ever change the way it was.

DS is 20mths now and I still get sad when I think about his birth. But it isn't as raw anymore. I tend to gloss over the details now if I am asked the story. It does get easier. Not easy, but easier.

As for the 6hrs - I had a similar 'issue'. They put DS's head as 34.5cm - but they didn't mention that he also had his porky arm and elbow pushed up against his forehead & that had to come through too. Everyone who saw his measurements were like "oh he must have come through pretty easy". Morons.

You know what you went through to bring your daughter into this world. Be proud of yourself and your strength. I hope you are able to find peace soon.

Cheers,
Linda
Hi there,

I too had a traumatic birth experience and at fist i didn't really think about it pushed it to the back of my mind and just went with the "i just had bad luck" theory. Then at my 6 week check up the ob told me my complications 'Were really your fault- you have bad labour techniques' Thats when it hit me- By the time my son was 9 months old i was still crying myself to sleep every single night.

I spoke to a counsellor- as i also ended up with PND who recommended i read my medical records (available from the hospital by appointment and a small 'administration fee' possibly around $30 but every hospital is different)

I haven't done this yet- haven't felt ready. But as was said above- it does get easier with time. My advice would be to talk about it as much as you need to and cry over it as much as you need to. One day you'll talk about it and realise you got to the end of the story without crying/feeling sick or however you normally feel. I know my family and friends were sick of hearing it but its just been what i've had to do to deal with it. Try writting it down if you have to.

Good luck- and if you're family get sick of hearing it- post it on here and listen to others stories. Most impostant thing is that you have a beautiful child! I'd do it all over again for my little one (can't believe i just offered to do that!)
I really feel for you. I felt traumatised after my childbirth experience, (and it would be considered a relatively straightforward birth) - I think the recovery period was also upsetting for me. I feel better about it now, but can't imagine how you must be feeling after your experience.

http://www.birthtalk.org

This website has a lot of info and support for dealing with a traumatic birth experience.

Perhaps it will also help your feelings to write a letter to the hospital administration. Advise them that their records about your experience were incorrect and very upsetting to you.
Perhaps request that they review the way births are being recorded to ensure it is done accurately - as it is important and validating to women that their experience is acknowledged accurately and not downplayed.

Good luck, hope you feel better soon. <span class="emoticon smile">smile</span>
Hi Kristen

Well I'll add myself to the list of those two have experienced a traumatic birth. I agree with Linda that it's a form of grief, and it takes as long and it takes to recover.

My wee girl is 14 months and only now is the cloud lifting. I was never depressed so there weren't many signs that I needed help but I had to admit to myself that I was not ok with it. I spoke to my GP and then went and spoke to an OB that had nothing to do with my case and we talked through what happened. At the time I didn't feel like it helped but all the little steps did help.

You need to talk about it until you're done. I have now accepted that it gets easier but will not go away. Take you're time and be kind to yourself it will not always feel so raw.
Take care
Hayley

Thankyou so much girls for all your replies.... you have all made a huge difference for me. I'll definately take on board all the suggestions you have written, so far I have written a complaint to the NSW health department. It has ben really healing for me to do this, so thans girls! Hope you are all doing well... xxx
Glad to hear you're doing a little better. Remember its a long process so don't force yourself to get over it quickly. Take all the time you need.
Best wishes
Sj
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