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  5. I feel so much negativity after MC

I feel so much negativity after MC Rss

I miscarried on the 21/04. we have a 12 month old DD and had been ttc for 3 cycles.
With DD I was very sick and she was born at 28 weeks. So I was and still am dealing with anger and resentment issues that I got lumbered with a micro preemie baby. OBVIOUSLY thats not to say she's not the most important thing in my life. I just get p!ssed off when I think about how much I sacrificed to have a nice healthy pregnancy (I know there are no guarantees in pregnancy) and still had issues. It made me think "why did I even bother changing my lifestyle.
?".
So now after my mc I have all those issues going on and now on top of that I have a mc to deal with. It just p!sses me off and makes me so angry. Like i'm being punished for something.
By nature i'm a "glass half empty" type of person. So now after 2 pregnancies and two dramas I am feeling like i'm just not meant to be a mum or have any more children. Its just all too much at the moment, and I just feel like giving up.
All the stress is affecting my relationship with my DH. But worse than that I feel like it's affecting how I am interacting with DD because I am losing interest in everything, including her. I love her more than life itself, but I look at her sometimes now and it just gets me resentful of all the bad luck i've had in the last 14 months. I said to DH last night if I could go back 15 months or so to before all this crap happened I would. I'd be happy to go back to before we started ttc and having failed pregnancies etc, because before then I WAS happy. Now i'm just miserable. And he said "but what about DD?, that would mean not having her around".
I know I sound really horrible at the moment. I'm just depressed about the whole situation. Just really down. I am grateful for DD. I love her. I know there are people out there who cant even have one child, and at least i've got her. I'm just really miserable at the moment, and feel like my body is just letting me down again and again. Is it to much to ask for a little bit of luck?
Sorry for the negativity, this is just my way of venting. And I dont want anyone to think i'm saying I dont want or love my DD, I do! I just resent the circumstances of her arrival, and the associated dramas etc.
And will I even ever be able to have another pregnancy/baby? I dont want just one child. Especially because I didnt even really get a proper pregnancy last time, or a "normal" newborn baby that you can take home...or at least hold.

Hi OMG how upsetting for you. I don't blame you for feeling angry and resentful. And I understand wanting to go back to when you felt happy too...Take all the stress and pain away. It doesn't mean for a moment that you don't want or love your little girl. Sometimes things just get so emotionally and physically draining we just want to escape and feel normal again. Believe me that is normal. And to be honest with you men just don't understand sometimes...I know mine is clueless. I have never experienced having a birth like yours but I was a very premature baby and my mother had a hard time dealing cause I ended up with a disability. I think she kinda resented me.

But I have had 2 m/c one 4 years ago and one almost 4 months ago after my 14 month old was born...I get your frustration and anger especially when there are people who do not do the right thing during their pregnancies and they have normal healthy pregnancies and babies.

The feelings you are having are normal don't worry. Also this is a great place to get things off of your chest.

I am always here if you want someone to talk too.

Hope you have a better day and good luck with your next try if you decide to go ahead....

Take Care
Hi sliabeth im sorry to hear about your m/c, i knew you were ttc last time we spoke. I really dont know what to say apart from im sorry and if you want to talk im here for you.

I can totally understand how you feel, but you have your little DD to love and to hold. Just think how lucky you are to have her.
Sometimes i wish i could go back in time b4 i lost my two babies, but its not going to happen. I look at my life now and i think im so miserable and unhappy, i miss my two babies so much, but theres nothing i can do to change that.
Life's so unfair.
Maybe you need to just relax and take it as it comes.
Once again im sorry
Thanks Tasmum and Proudmumof3 for your kind words. I know i'm lucky i've got DD. I know i've at least got her, and that there are couples out there who dont yet have a baby of their own. I know people like both you guys have been through more loss than I have.
It's just that when things are down and going wrong it's hard to think positive. I just feel at the moment that i'm never going to get a second baby, or a full term pregnancy. I feel like i'm jinxed.
Once again thanks guys.

Hi silzabeth...I know you feel that way and I understand. As I said previously Please Don't feel Guilty for your feelings....Just because we have one child (or in my case 3) doesn't mean we don't feel incomplete and feel the same urge for a child and we grieve just the same. I feel like that too most days...like the powers that be or the universe or whatever is against me....

Loss is loss...it does not in any way make what you feel any less painful than any of us...

I just wish I could do more to make you feel better.

Take Care of yourself and your lovely DD
[Edited on 26/04/2009]
Hi slizabeth

I am really sorry for the rough time you have been through - I am sure it has been just awful for you and your husband.

You do sound really really negative, and I can't help think that this could be affecting your ability to have another baby. The issues you have with your first pregnancy are fairly obvious but I'm definitely not a Dr, so this is just opinion. I'm sorry if it's a bit blunt sounding.

Have you asked yourself "will having a normal pregnancy and another healthy baby really make me happy?" From what you have said I think that maybe it won't and that there are alot of other issues that need to be dealt with before this happens - for the sake of your relationships with your hubby and daughter.

I have had 2 m/c this year. I have a gorgeous DS who is 3 and his birth didn't go to plan. I know how depressing it can be when you feel like you just can't get it right, but no matter how sad and down I get just being with by beautiful boy and DH can make me feel safe and secure and worthwhile.

Being angry at your body won't make your body work any better - it will just put more stress on yourself, and I think that's the last thing you need. Have you considered talking to a counsellor or your GP?

I hope that things start to look up for you soon. Remember you arn't alone.

All the best.
Jodie

Darcy''s Mum

Thanks proudmumof3. I just dont want anyone thinking i'm being spoiled or selfish because I've already got one bub. Its really nice to know that some people understand where i'm coming from. Thankyou for your support.

Jodie, thanks. I'm sorry if my initial post came across as excessively negative to you. I am just going through a rough patch where I am just sick of seeming to take hit after hit. And like I said i'm more than aware that there are others out there in far far worse positions than me. I know this, and I feel for those people.

Hi again

Please don't think I'm judging you. I can understand why you are so down, and don't blame you at all for feeling like you do.

I'm just worried that you sound like things may be really getting on top of you, and I'd hate for that to affect future attempts at more children or your relationships with Dh or DD.

My opinions are just that - my opinion, but from your post I did feel concerned for you. I look back at my low points and wish that I had someone who understood what I was going through.

Speaking from experience - talking to your GP or a Professional is sometimes a great way of putting things back into perspective and giving you the tools to lift yourself back up again.

Please feel free to PM me.

I wish you all the very best.
Jodie

Darcy''s Mum

Hi slizabeth

I feel your pain, I post a similar story recently.

I am blessed to have the most beautiful DD. I would love for her to have a little brother or sister, but since ttc I have had two mc.

Whilst trying for her I also MC twice. It is a very difficult thing to deal with. The last time I mc I was expecting twins I lost them two weeks apart.

I am concerned about all the feelings I am experiencing having an effect on my daughter. I worry about the effect on my relationship too. I wish I could be in a happier place.

If you need to chat PM I understand where you are coming from.

Trish
JK313 - Thanks again. I didnt think you where judging me, I just got the feeling we wheren't on the same page. But you get where i'm coming from...so thats cool. Thanks for your support.

Trishy - thanks heaps. I'm so sorry for what you have gone through! Wow. Thats just awful. Uuuggh! After 1 MC i'm just about ready to call it quits! And look what you've been through! Your an inspiration.
And can I just say your DD is gorgeous! I am also blessed to have a beautiful 12 month old DD. Thanks again, and best of luck.

Hi again...Keep your chin up you will get through this and I am sure be blessed with a sibling for your DD....Stay strong and know that I am thinking of you ....

take care xx
been thinking of you too hope you are feeling a little better
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