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When does the pain stop? Lock Rss

Dear Baby, we lost you at 4:15 this morning, you were 6 weeks old, even though we don't know when you passed away we still consider today as your passing-away day. We loved you very much even if we only had you for a short time. I will try not to dwell on the fact that we will never hold you again, or ever see you smile, or walk or even cry. Instead I will think of how lucky I was that you chose me to carry you for your short life and how happy and proud you made me feel. I will love you forever and ever with my entire being and I will see you in heaven, no matter what you will look like there, I will love you, no matter what.
Much love, Mum and Dad and big siter Lily.

I just wish I could have my baby back. I can't stop crying, it hurts so much. I just feel completely devastated. I hate myself for not being able to carry a baby, I hate myself for not being able to form a baby. I hate myself because I flushed my babie's body down the toilet without even thinking that I should put her in a pretty little pot with some flowers, I want my baby back, even if it's not inside me, I want her back so I can burry her properly. I feel so guilty for what I have done. I feel so heartless, treating her little body like a dead goldfish.
I just want this all to stop hurting, it's hurting so much. I don't even want to get out of bed to look after my daughter and my husband, I just want to lay here and forget everything. Somebody please make the pain go away!!! It hurts so much.

Im so sorry for your loss. I hope this poem helps you feel a bit better. God bless you.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say...
A mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother
when your baby is not with you?
Yes, you can He replied,
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others just for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mummy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mum
Who has so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mummy set me free.
I miss my mummy Oh so much,
But I visit every day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And I whisper in her ear.
Mummy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So, you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are not blue.
Your babies are here in MY home,
They'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you.
So now you see what makes a mother,
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And they'll know you were the best one!

im so so sorry i have just been through that about two weeks ago and it SUCKS so much. its the worst feeling in the world i could cry just thinking of that feeling. the thing is nobody can say or do anything to make the pain go away. you are the only one to do that. you need to cry and cry and cry until you have no tears left you just need to get it all out greive so you can deal with it. take one day at a time and it will get easier to get through the day it still will be hard to look back on it but it gets easier to leave it in the past and get on with your days. im sorry that i can not help BIG BIG BIG HUGGGSSSS

I am so sorry you are going through this,
ilovecake is right, nothing anyone can say or do will take your hurt away, I remember people telling me that it would have happened for a reason and that 1 in 4 pregs ewnd in M/C and blah blah blah, i didn't want to hear it, I was so wrapped up in all the guilt I felt, for everything, I sat and analysed everything I ate, drank, did for the duration of the pregnancy and blamed myself.

I delivered my angel (at 8wks) into my hands, I instinctively knew what it was and started screaming, Hubby rang the hospital and they said No its probably just a clot, dispose of it and come in, I threw it in the bin, we got to the hossy, they did the scans and said Oh actually you HAVE had the baby, that memory has stayed with me even now 2.5yrs later, I still feel the guilt of throwing our angel away but I know it wasn't my fault, I didn't know any better and neither did you, unfortunately when we are going through such a trauma we don't have the time to think rationally.

Its not something you will ever forget and nor should you be expected to (i found people who had never been through it expect that you just 'get over it') I have since had another baby but I still think of our angel on the 6th of December (when she should have been born) I still remember losing her and I don't think I will ever forget that.

You need to do what YOU need to deal with the grief, it will take a while but it does eventually get easier, it may never go away but the days WILL get easier, take your time.

This site is great for venting and getting the anger and grief out, I found a lot of ladies here who helped through such a dark time.

Big Hugs to you and I am thinking of you an your family ?
ohhh I am so so sorry that you're going through this - I wish I knew what to say to take away the pain and make everything better. If I did I would say and do those things for myself too wink]

ilovecake and Jess are spot on. You can be told all of the technical jargon and statistics but it doesn't take away the fact that it happened to you and that your heart is completely broken.

I delivered my Angel at 13+5 after many long traumatic hours. I was one of the "lucky" ones I suppose as I demanded my baby be brought home. Angel was placed in an urn with a small gift from each of us. There is no reason why you can't do something symbolic to represent your angel baby. You could plant some flowers that bloom at this time of year or perhaps something related to 'angels' in it's name. You can still honour and cherish your love for your baby. Don't beat yourself up over it - what happened is NOT your fault.
Oh honey.. GBH for you, i no how you feel.. I too lost my baby today, i wasnt as far as you were.. Im crying to .. not on the outside but inside.

I no this is hard to believe but it does get better, not straight away, but it will..

I no this because this is my 2nd mc.. I wish i could make your pain go away..

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