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Lost my baby at 19 weeks Lock Rss

Sorry people, this is going to be a long one.

Last Sunday I was 19 weeks pregnant, bubs had been a bit quiet but I was assuming that that was because of his position and everything seemed to be going well. Last monday I woke with some spotting and a bit of dull achy pain. The pain got a little worse and I got a bit worried so I went and saw my GP. She was unable to find the baby's heartbeat using her doppler but again we just assumed that was because of position but I was starting to worry. She did a quick internal exam and cervix was closed so she said go home and rest. I already had my morphology scan booked for the next morning.

As the day went on the pain kept getting a little worse so I waited until my MIL got here and then called the hospital and was told I would have to go through the ED as I was under 20 weeks so as soon as DH got home from work we went to the hospital where thankfully we didn't have to wait long to be seen. Mind you after I had been seen they were all set to give me some panadol and send me home to have my scan the following morning. Their reason being that they didn't have the facilities to do an ultrasound in the ED. Meanwhile the pains were getting worse and worse and were definitely coming in waves. They ended up giving mean endone tablet for the pain which did nothing.

I ended up talking to a different Dr and she arranged for someone to come down to see me. The midwife I had spoken to on the phone came down and tried with the doppler but couldn't find a heartbeat at which point I started to really panic. They then managed to rustle up a geriatric ultra sound from somewhere and did a scan. My worst fears were confirmed, there was no heartbeat. I was then taken upstairs to the birthing suite for a more detailed scan by the senior Dr. No heartbeat, no blood flow and he estimated that my baby had passed away about 2 weeks ago. My world crumbled.

I was booked in to be induced in 3 days and sent home to come to terms with the death of my baby. Their reason for waiting was a valid one and I can see why they do, they want to give you time to come to terms with the fact that your baby has passed before you have to go through the hell of delivering them. Sadly my body had other ideas. We went home and the pains just kept getting worse. I felt a small pop and a big gush and ran to the loo, it was obviously amniotic fluid, my waters had just broken. I went back outside and rang the hospital to see what I should do, they told me to grab a bag of toiletries etc and go straight back in. While I was on the phone to them I felt another gush and assumed it was more fluid.

I went back inside to put some stuff in a bag and clean myself up a bit before we went back into the hospital. It was then that I discovered that the second gush wasn't amniotic fluid but was blood, lots of blood and the odd sensations I was having was my baby boy being born. I went to the loo to clean up a bit and when I went to sit on the loo that I discovered that my legs were red with blood and my baby fell onto the toilet floor. I yelled for my husband (thankfully not waking our 4 yr old daughter who was asleep, literally in the next room) and he called the hospital back to tell them what had happened and ask what we should do. He then had to call the ambulance to come and get me to take me and our tiny baby back to the hospital.

The midwife at the hospital who examined out baby boy estimated that he had passed about a week earlier but he was very small even for 18 weeks weighing just 62 grams and 16.5 cm long. Now I need to learn how to live with a piece of my heart missing and the rest shattered into tiny little pieces. I try to hold things together as best I can for the sake of our daughter but I grieve the tiny boy who I wanted so much.

For those that read this far, thankyou for listening.

I don't no what to say I'm in tears sweetie I'm so sorry just so sorry for what you have been threw I can't imagine your pain it's such a horrendous experience. I have seen you around on huggies and when I read your name my heart sank I hope one day you find peace once again I am soo sorry darl why do these things happen to good people xxxx
i am so sorry for your loss hun.

my thoughts are with you and your family

**GBH** xxxxx
Oh God hun, im so so sorry.
I can't even find the words to express my sympathy for you and your family.
I knew what had happened but hearing the whole story my heart just broke all over again for you.

I am so so sorry to hear of your loss.

Big hugs to you and your family xxx
Oh Sarah, reading about everything that you have gone through just makes my heart ache for you. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say...and I know that no words I do say can even begin to ease your pain.......I do want you to know though that I am thinking of you every day and sending you thoughts of strength and love.

Dee xx

Sarah, no words we say will ever make the pain go away. Honestly, I dont think the pain ever goes away, but it you do find better ways to cope with it. Take your time sweetheart. Grieve in the way you need to grieve.
Please know you are not alone, and if you feel like crying/screaming etc we are all here for you.
Sending you much love and support.
RIP little angel boy.
I wish i could give you a hug in person.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes reading this. *hugs*
Oh hun, bawling after reading your story, what a horrible and heartbreaking thinkg to have to go through.
No words to convey how utterly unfair the world is sometimes.
Thoughts are with you and your family!
RIP angel baby xxx

I am so sorry to hear your very sad news. I have been thinking of you and your family. I can't begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. My thoughts are with you.
omg, i am so incredibly sorry to hear what you have had to endure, no words can make you feel any better, but you are in my thought xxxx

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