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Lost my baby at 19 weeks Lock Rss


Hi guys, just need to get some stuff out and thought I would post here rather than starting a new thread. Having a really bad day emotionally today. I told DH to take the car to work but I am so wishing I didn't now, not that I have anywhere to go or anything to do.

I don't want to do this today, I don't want to be a mum, I don't want to be a wife. I just don't want to BE at all. I have been holding it together pretty well but today.........not so much. My Hubby is wonderful and so understanding but sometimes he just doesn't get it. People ask him how I am and he tells them how well I am coping and everytime he does it feels like another little piece of me dies because on the outside I probably look like I am coping but on the inside I feel like a little bit more of me dies each day. It's getting harder and harder to drag my a$$ out of bed each morning. It's getting harder to smile for my beautiful daughter each day. Mothers day is fast approaching and I am dreading it. DD's Kindergarten are doing a mothers day thing tomorrow that I have to go to for HER sake but I can tell you right now, sitting around with a bunch of women I don't know, putting on a happy face and pretending that my world isn't crumbling is about the last thing I want to do right now. Sunday is mothers day, Sunday I would also have been 23 weeks pregnant.



I'm feeling so alone right now sad


Im so sorry for your loss. How was your mothers day and how are you coping now? Have you told your DH how you feel? Maybe if he knew that your not coping he might be able to help you more. Have you looked into councilling? it might help. I hope you have a better day today. GBH!!
Thanks everyone, Mothers day was not too bad in the end, at least I had my beautiful DD to brighten my day and DH has been fantastic. The mothers day thing at Kinder wasn't as hard as I was expecting which was good.

As for now, feeling a bit down and yuck this weekend. AF has decided to pay me an unwelcome visit. I guess it's good in a way, as DH says, it's my body hitting the reset button and it means we are one step closer to trying again. I guess the issue I am having is that a/ it's a reminder that I lost James and also it means that we are closer to being able to try again but while I do want to try again I am terrified of the prospect. I am scared of the same thing happening again next time. I am going to be a nervous wreck for the entire first half of the pregnancy and it's hard enough being paranoid for 12 weeks, 20 weeks of paranoia is going to be rough. I can't really do anything about TTC anyway until after I have my review with the hospital which is booked for the 26th of this month.

We have to wait because we had problems with DD's pregnancy which were related to poorly functioning placenta. Basically she was very small (4lb 11) and by 39 weeks she only had about 3 1/2cm of fluid left. They were also thinking that the miscarriage of James was because of a disfunctional placenta but we need to wait until we get official results of the testing they did to confirm that. It would seem though that I just don't do good placentas sad

Anyway, I guess that's about it, I will update once I have seen the Dr's at the hospital. Here's hoping that we get some answers. So far I do know that all the blood tests they took have come back as within normal range so there were no answers in the bloods. I will just have to wait and see I guess and will discuss with the hospital about how we try to prevent this happening again.





sad you poor thing, I really dont know what to say except im so sorry for your loss, how unfair. I hope they can give you some answers xo
darlin, it does get easier, not better but easier to live with. my husband and i lost our little Ava at 26 weeks nearly a year ago and just reading your post brought it all back to me. husbands never really understand the totality of the emotions we feel. of course they feel loss and sadness but they dont feel the guilt the emptyness of you. we have been trying again for a year now but we both know that when its meant to be its gonna be.

all my love and blessings to you.
bj
Im new to this Forum as i have only just joined 4 weeks ago when i found out i was pregnant and sadly miscarried last friday at 8 weeks. I ended up having a curette later that evening. I have read your post and im trying to find words to make you feel better. I hope im replying to your post, sorry if this just randomly appears somewhere else. The words of the OB saying 'im so sorry but there is no heartbeat' i think will haunt me longer than expected. If there was no heartbeat to be found, im sure as hell it was mine.. It didnt even register what had just happen until we got to the car and i broke down in tears. Life can be cruel to beautiful ppl.
Im so sorry for your loss and really wish you all the precious love

lots and lots of hugs to you and your family
Just thought I would put up a quick update.

I had my hospital appointment yesterday. To cut a long story short, end results were that the blood tests are all normal so there is no clotting disorder with me which is good. There was also absolutely nothing wrong with the baby. According to the autopsy results his organs were all developing normally, there were no genetic or congenital problems present. I really don't know how I feel about this right now, it is breaking my heart knowing that there was nothing wrong with him, that if things hadn't gone so horribly wrong he would have gone on to be a normal healthy baby.

At the end of the day they don't really know what went wrong but they are assuming it was related to a malfunctioning placenta but why I don't make placenta's properly they don't know. There is no reason, there is no explanation. I have been told that if I get pregnant again I need to take a low dose of aspirin from the moment I find out I am pregnant to help with the formation of the placenta. I got the impression that this will help to form a better placenta but it will still be a bit dodgy. The OB told me yesterday that if we were to get pregnant again there are 3 main possible outcomes for the pregnancy. He said that there was about a 20% chance of losing the baby before 24 weeks (when it would be considered viable) there is a 20% chance of getting to the viable stage, so reaching 24 weeks but having a premmie baby needing a lot of help and intervention and there is about a 60% chance of going to, or near enough to term and having a healthy baby. I got the distinct impression that he doesn't expect a subsequent pregnancy to get much past the 36-37week mark.

I really don't know how I feel right now and the idea of trying again scares the crap out of me but the thought of not trying again crushes me so I just don't know. Those odds don't look all that good to me but I guess they could be a lot worse.





You sound like a really strong woman and have been through a lot! I am so sorry for your loss and wish you the best of luck for the future!!

If you want to have more babies then I think you should go for it! Good luck! smile
I'm so sorry to know that any one knows this pain.
I lost a baby at 20 weeks - that gushing blood was like an artery had burst, and I went to wash off in the shower before being induced and he came flying out right there and then. Followed by the placenta.
I can say, that for me, that image, and the feeling of the blood gushing, were hard, really hard.
BUT that was 2 1/2 years ago. I've since had another baby and am pregnant with my second. It hasn't been smooth sailing, and theres been lots of tears. Uncontollable, ened of the world tears for me. But with lots of bed rest and help, I'm getting there. We know know it was an incompetant cervix that caused my waters to break and an infection get in, and it is fixed by a stitch and bed rest now.
My amazing daughter has healed me a lot and filled me head with other memeories. I've had some nice holidays that where purpose booked to get help me forget, bittersweet.
But I never forgot,that this really happened and it hurt. It broke me.
Don't deny your self that reality.
But it became to much to live it everyday. I'm glad it is becoming a memory, rather than a present pain. I believe that may allowing myself to feel the pain, has 'gotten it out' and released me a bit.
Hope your getting through the day while still acknowledging that huge event that change your for life.
I am so sorry to hear about loss. You have a beautiful daughter to look forward to in life, and although he is gone, he'll always be in your heart.

I lost my second baby at 19 weeks due to incompetent cervix nearly a year ago. Reading your forum bring back lots of memories.

I know there's not much we can do to take the pain away, but hopefully time will eventually heal the pain.

Take care and my thoughts are with you. Lots of hug.

I am so sorry to hear about loss. You have a beautiful daughter to look forward to in life, and although he is gone, he'll always be in your heart.

I lost my second baby at 19 weeks due to incompetent cervix nearly a year ago. Reading your forum bring back lots of memories.

I know there's not much we can do to take the pain away, but hopefully time will eventually heal the pain.

Take care and my thoughts are with you. Lots of hug.


Thankyou, my DH and my DD have been the only things that have kept me going at times over the past 2 mths but as time passes the pain becomes more bearable (most of the time). Sorry to hear you also lost your second bub at 19 weeks, it is one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.

Thankyou for your kind words and your thoughts.





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