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  5. Thankyou for all of your beautiful replys everyone

Thankyou for all of your beautiful replys everyone Lock Rss

Hi everyone, first of all thankyou to everyone who replied to my loss post, it meant so much to me reading all of your posts it really did cheer me up and put a smile on my face.

The last 2 days have been extreamly hard. I had to go back to hospital and they wanted to make sure my levels were dropping to 0. My levels were 1800 hcg and in 2 days dropped to 280.
It was so hard for me to take in.

I was sitting in the waiting area of the womans assesment area at the hospital and this gorgeous little blonde boy who looked as if he was 1 and a bit, smiled at me the whole time and his mother was in there sitting 2 seats away from me and my fiance and she looked as if she was 30 weeks pregnant. I felt a deep deep saddness spread across my chest as I ached watching how happy the baby looked.

I cant quite explain the saddness and betrayel I feel right now or have been feeling for the last couple of days. It is way beyond anything I've ever felt before.

I feel as if God hates me.

My mum was so upset when i told her, poor thing, not only do i have to suffer but so does everyone of my family. They are fantastic btw.

My fiance was very hurtfull the night I lost our baby. He reacted in a very bizzare way and kept everything bottled up and then lost it. Started shouting things and got really angry. I had to calm him down and he got worse and snapped at me - I spent the whole night crying and in so much pain physicallly and emotionally.

When I woke up he apologised so many times saying how sorry he was but he didnt know how to feel. He has previously been married and his ex wife had PCOS, and they tried for 11 years with no luck so he feels very hurt. As I had been pregnant before as a teenager and terminated it due to the guy i was with at the time gave me no choice - i was 10 weeks and i was more healthy than now, I want to start a family and have a baby and it turns out It wasnt healthy! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN????????

I am angry yes, it doesnt make sence. I wanted to be a mother so BAD. I bought all the books, I never drank once, I did everything and anything for the babys sake and STILL.

I dont understand. I talked to one of my friends who had just had a baby 4 months ago - she made me feel even worse I literally wanted to YELL at her. She said "I cant believe u lost ur baby, u want one heaps, I didnt even want one and i got one" and it doesnt stop there she told me before hand she smoked and smoked pot the whole pregnancy "and mine turned out healthy" she says. Well, as goes for her I am just glad she thinks its so damn easy, because some people like me, actually care about their unborn child. Its f-ing selfish.

Btw, my friend tanya whos about 20 weeks pregnant and told me "oh ur young ur baby will be fine" Im just annoyed, because now I feel Even worse than when i knew she was pregnant and i wasnt.

F M L

Sorry for the rant but i NEED to get this out.

I am deeply sorry for anyone who has ever lost a baby or a child, who has ever been through anything like this , wether u lost it at 1 week or 30 its still a loss, and I for one am so proud of all of u who are on here still trying. Well done to all of u ladies. U are all amazing and I look up to all of u.

I want to try again soon but I am petrified. I do not want this again. How many weeks after a misscarrige have u concieved??? I want to know. Please.

Thanku to all for reading.

Love To all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Omg sweetie I haven't been on for ages only the past couple of days and I was shocked utterly shocked and heart broken to read this omg darl I'm so sorry just speechless my heart literally hurts...
Your a strong person though and only you do what your heart tells you to if it weeks months or what ever it's your choice when you feel comfortable to start ttc again.
I lost a baby a 8 weeks it was my twins triplet and I still think about the bub you just can't help it.
Best of luck and remember we are all here for you darl thinking of you sweetie xxx
Hi Nina,

thank you for sharing your story - I have been following your journey, and my heart broke when I read your sad news.

It is good to talk about it and that is what these forums are for, so that we mums and mums-to-be, who have a common bond, can support one another. It is so normal to feel angry - including your fiance.....we sometimes forget that our partners suffer too and then react in a way we don't expect.

I know what you are going through, and I'll just say that in time things will get easier - it might sound hard to hear now but I promise you it will get easier. It is great that you have the support around you - I found that too when I had my m/c in Feb. I had told a few people our news of being pregnant early on, and in a way I'm glad we had because those same people were there to lean on when we got our bad news. I found that so helpful in the healing process.

I found that after I had the m/c everywhere I looked there were pregnant women or women with brand new babies - and I mean EVERYWHERE. I swear that in one afternoon down at our local mall I saw about 10 heavily pregnant women. And not long afterwards my sister announced she was expecting, and soon after that a friend of mine rang to say she was pregnant again. I was very happy for them, but have to say that deep down, it hurt. I asked myself, 'why can't that be me?' I thought it was so unfair.

I gave myself a month before TTC again. We are in our 2nd official month of trying (actually am in the TWW now!). I know if it doesn't happen this month then there is always next month. Going to stay positive!

You will conceive again and carry a beautiful, healthy baby to term! It will happen when the time is right..I know this is a cliche, but everything happens for a reason! Good things happen to those who wait. And you seem to be a lovely, caring person who deserves a baby very much! Give your mind and your body time to heal, go and treat yourself to a new hairdo, massage, even a nice bottle of wine!! And when you and your fiance feel ready, try again.

Wishing you all the best, take care of yourself and stay positive. Good to hear you have lots of love around you!! smile Talking about it may help in healing. smile

xxxxx

Hi Nina, Firstly I am so sorry, I dont'know how old you are but let me tell you my story. Im 43 have remarried have two children 17yr old girl and a 12yr old boy. I had endemtriosis and had a laparoscopy in August last year and fell pregnant in March this year. I went for a routine check on the 1st June only to find out there was no heartbeat... I just wanted to die could not understand why... my sister in law was also pregnant at the same time as me and we were both due xmas day this year, she miscarried the week before me and she is 24 yrs old. There is no answer and yes your family feel your pain your partner feels the pain and you become angry Im still angry. Then the question is when do I start trying again. Well cause of my age and im so desperate to have a baby and so do my children want a sibling, Im going to start clomid when I get my period next which i still haven't. For your friends the one that say stupid things learn to ignore but tell them how FXXXXng heartless they are cause they deserve to hear it. I know a thousand people will tell you this and your gyno probably did as well it's just not meant to be - I know that this is the most painful thing to hear but people truly do not know how to react it is such a common thing, I'm even scared when I start trying again but believe me we have to stay positive cause when we start putting negative thoughts in our mind it just gets harder. God bless you sweetheart talk to your partner about how you feel cause believe me it's hard for them as well but they just dont know how to handle it. Good luck xx Tina

Omg sweetie I haven't been on for ages only the past couple of days and I was shocked utterly shocked and heart broken to read this omg darl I'm so sorry just speechless my heart literally hurts...
Your a strong person though and only you do what your heart tells you to if it weeks months or what ever it's your choice when you feel comfortable to start ttc again.
I lost a baby a 8 weeks it was my twins triplet and I still think about the bub you just can't help it.
Best of luck and remember we are all here for you darl thinking of you sweetie xxx



Thankyou so much for your kind words hon xxxx It means alot. Really does. I want to start trying straight away, i am shocked too because I am healthy 20 yrs old and it does not make sence why !!!
:'( guess there was a reason but whatever it was it sucks.
xxxxxx

Hi Nina, Firstly I am so sorry, I dont'know how old you are but let me tell you my story. Im 43 have remarried have two children 17yr old girl and a 12yr old boy. I had endemtriosis and had a laparoscopy in August last year and fell pregnant in March this year. I went for a routine check on the 1st June only to find out there was no heartbeat... I just wanted to die could not understand why... my sister in law was also pregnant at the same time as me and we were both due xmas day this year, she miscarried the week before me and she is 24 yrs old. There is no answer and yes your family feel your pain your partner feels the pain and you become angry Im still angry. Then the question is when do I start trying again. Well cause of my age and im so desperate to have a baby and so do my children want a sibling, Im going to start clomid when I get my period next which i still haven't. For your friends the one that say stupid things learn to ignore but tell them how FXXXXng heartless they are cause they deserve to hear it. I know a thousand people will tell you this and your gyno probably did as well it's just not meant to be - I know that this is the most painful thing to hear but people truly do not know how to react it is such a common thing, I'm even scared when I start trying again but believe me we have to stay positive cause when we start putting negative thoughts in our mind it just gets harder. God bless you sweetheart talk to your partner about how you feel cause believe me it's hard for them as well but they just dont know how to handle it. Good luck xx Tina


Hey Tina, I read your post with saddness for you I am so sorry for what you have had to go through and also for what your sister and law went through. I am 20 years old my fiance is 40 so obviously we want to try because he is 19 yrs older than me - age aside we are healthy and happy people who love and care for eachother so much.
I am scared to try to, and so is my fiance, he has been through this crap for years with no luck my heart sinks for him. I feel f'ing shocking sometimes when i hear people say "wasnt meant to be " u know what i want to say to those ppl? "well if it wasnt meant to be , then why the F**K did u smoke pot through ur pregnancy and u had a baby, " how the hell is that even right???? seriously, i cannot believe how heartless people are it makes me SICK.
I am hoping so much in my heart that u concieve very soon, and I am always here to talk.
Take good care of urself hon xxxxxxx
Thank you !! - it doesn't matter how old you are, yes I know im 43 and it gets harder but if you google age groups yes it's harder as you get older and there is risks, but i'm such a good person and have such a beautiful partner and family and it makes me sooo upset that I can't bare to think about it anymore( i'm crying writing this) and yes it also upsets me when I see some mum's who are pregnant pushing a pram with a little baby in it and a smoke in the other hand... they just don't care and I then think is there a GOD cause if there is please listen to me and grant me our wish.. thank you need to go.

Hi Nina,

thank you for sharing your story - I have been following your journey, and my heart broke when I read your sad news.

It is good to talk about it and that is what these forums are for, so that we mums and mums-to-be, who have a common bond, can support one another. It is so normal to feel angry - including your fiance.....we sometimes forget that our partners suffer too and then react in a way we don't expect.

I know what you are going through, and I'll just say that in time things will get easier - it might sound hard to hear now but I promise you it will get easier. It is great that you have the support around you - I found that too when I had my m/c in Feb. I had told a few people our news of being pregnant early on, and in a way I'm glad we had because those same people were there to lean on when we got our bad news. I found that so helpful in the healing process.

I found that after I had the m/c everywhere I looked there were pregnant women or women with brand new babies - and I mean EVERYWHERE. I swear that in one afternoon down at our local mall I saw about 10 heavily pregnant women. And not long afterwards my sister announced she was expecting, and soon after that a friend of mine rang to say she was pregnant again. I was very happy for them, but have to say that deep down, it hurt. I asked myself, 'why can't that be me?' I thought it was so unfair.

I gave myself a month before TTC again. We are in our 2nd official month of trying (actually am in the TWW now!). I know if it doesn't happen this month then there is always next month. Going to stay positive!

You will conceive again and carry a beautiful, healthy baby to term! It will happen when the time is right..I know this is a cliche, but everything happens for a reason! Good things happen to those who wait. And you seem to be a lovely, caring person who deserves a baby very much! Give your mind and your body time to heal, go and treat yourself to a new hairdo, massage, even a nice bottle of wine!! And when you and your fiance feel ready, try again.

Wishing you all the best, take care of yourself and stay positive. Good to hear you have lots of love around you!! smile Talking about it may help in healing. smile

xxxxx



Thankyou SO much. That was just beautiful!

Everything you mentioned was just spot on.

I am trying so hard to stay positive but like u said - pregnant people and babies everywhere makes it so hard. I just want to cry when I hear people talk about it. I dont even want to face my friend seeing her 20 weeks pregnant and her fiance all over her rubbing her tummy is going to make me cry. I cannot even feel happy for her when i feel so hurt.
I feel like a bad person for that and truly I am not a bad person i am very loving.

I am going to suprise fiance by taking him away on a holiday in august. I have already started to plan it.

I love him so much but he really doesnt undertstand how hurt I am - i know he hurts to but he didnt have blood pooring out of him all through the night so i physically saw everything... it hurts.

take good care hon xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Nina, Firstly I am so sorry, I dont'know how old you are but let me tell you my story. Im 43 have remarried have two children 17yr old girl and a 12yr old boy. I had endemtriosis and had a laparoscopy in August last year and fell pregnant in March this year. I went for a routine check on the 1st June only to find out there was no heartbeat... I just wanted to die could not understand why... my sister in law was also pregnant at the same time as me and we were both due xmas day this year, she miscarried the week before me and she is 24 yrs old. There is no answer and yes your family feel your pain your partner feels the pain and you become angry Im still angry. Then the question is when do I start trying again. Well cause of my age and im so desperate to have a baby and so do my children want a sibling, Im going to start clomid when I get my period next which i still haven't. For your friends the one that say stupid things learn to ignore but tell them how FXXXXng heartless they are cause they deserve to hear it. I know a thousand people will tell you this and your gyno probably did as well it's just not meant to be - I know that this is the most painful thing to hear but people truly do not know how to react it is such a common thing, I'm even scared when I start trying again but believe me we have to stay positive cause when we start putting negative thoughts in our mind it just gets harder. God bless you sweetheart talk to your partner about how you feel cause believe me it's hard for them as well but they just dont know how to handle it. Good luck xx Tina


Amen to that.......beautifully said Dkatehos............DH nd I lost twins @37wks last April (10) then that Sept had a m/c, the pain will never leave u honi time will just make it easier to deal with. We still haven't got our BFP we r in our 2nd cycle of clomid now. It is a natural thing to have fear when u do fall again, I know that when we finally do get our BFP I will b sh***ing my pants till we r holding our little miracle.
Everyone deals with a loss in there own way honi nd u take all the time u need, only u can make the decision when ur ready to try again, there is no time limit. As for ur DF that was just his way of coping, nd I no it was hurtful to u but his actions weren't to try hurt u anymore than u already r.

As for ur so called them, there not worth being around at the moment, nd I ould b telling them wot selfish bi tches they r.

Chin up sweetheart, we r all here if u need xxxx

Thankyou SO much. That was just beautiful!

Everything you mentioned was just spot on.

I am trying so hard to stay positive but like u said - pregnant people and babies everywhere makes it so hard. I just want to cry when I hear people talk about it. I dont even want to face my friend seeing her 20 weeks pregnant and her fiance all over her rubbing her tummy is going to make me cry. I cannot even feel happy for her when i feel so hurt.
I feel like a bad person for that and truly I am not a bad person i am very loving.

I am going to suprise fiance by taking him away on a holiday in august. I have already started to plan it.

I love him so much but he really doesnt undertstand how hurt I am - i know he hurts to but he didnt have blood pooring out of him all through the night so i physically saw everything... it hurts.

take good care hon xxxxxxxxxxx


I totally understand what you mean! It's like God is rubbing it in my face.....when I look around it's everywhere...can't escape it! My sister is constantly putting status updates on fb of her pregnancy - it's a bit hard. I would have been 5 weeks ahead of her now. But I can't think like that - it's hard not to though!

A holiday might be just what you need!!! Time to recoup and have time together - the two of you. A lovely idea! And I don't think men in general react the way we want them too in a situation as hard as this. Firstly, they don't share the same 'bond' we women do with the baby, and do not go through the physical turmoil either. My DH didnt know how to react when the night before my scheduled D&C I had heavier bleeding (sorry) and then fainted, crashing against the bedroom door on the way down. He kind of stood there when I came to - his question was 'What are you doing?'. I think he was shocked, but didn't know how to react in the 'right' way. I don't think he quite understood what happened. He didn't get that I'd been losing blood all weekend and that combined with not eating due to the stress and anguish just got too much.

I was really surprised when talking to family and friends how common m/c is. That doesn't make it ok of course...but it is comforting to know that many women experience them, and in a lot of cases soon go on to have healthy babies. xoxo

I think if you are ready to start again straight away then you should. Just listen to your heart... xx


Thankyou so much for your kind words hon xxxx It means alot. Really does. I want to start trying straight away, i am shocked too because I am healthy 20 yrs old and it does not make sence why !!!
:'( guess there was a reason but whatever it was it sucks.
xxxxxx

Sweetie just don't blame yourself ever ok darl it's not your fault at all,I blamed myself for my triplet thinking I had a crappy womb like it wasn't big enough to sustain my bubs life!!
Things happen for a reason but may never no exactly why though darl i really feel bad here not knowing exactly what to say but I am thinking of you and I hope each day brings peace closer to you I'm just heart broken reading this I really am sad sad
All the best to you and your dp and families
Hi Nina,

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss, I have never replied to your posts but have followed them and was so excited to hear you were pregnant.
You asked how long people took to fall pregnant after a miscarriage. I had one in Jan this year at 6 1/2 wks too and fell pregnant 2 months later so fingers crossed that's the case with you too, I'm 16 weeks now. It is really scary though and I found it very hard to deal with the beginning part of the pregnancy esp when it came to around the time I had my previous miscarriage, so I understand that your scared to try again too.

I really hope everything goes well for you and your dp, and I hope your getting the support you need to get through this difficult time. xo.
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