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Hi all,

I Mc at 20 weeks on the 12/12 last year.

I was a mess at first but now i belive everythink happens for something. I belive that me and hubby was just not ment to have this baby this time around. We already have 2 boys and would love to add to our family.

Anyways i have an appointment on the 7th of feb i know its not that far but from going to having this little baby inside to me to nothing sux and i want that feeling back.

So we made a deal that we would not try for a baby until we found out what went wrong. (i in my head belive that it was something wrong with the baby then myself. I am sure if it was myself i would of been in pain etc)Last night was the first time since the mc that i let hubby get close to me when having sex befor i pushed him away and half way though told him to stop etc. But last night we never used nothing. I am not on the pill and if my body is right i could fall pregenant. I know my head is telling me not to start trying etc because if their is something wrong with me it could be fixed without having to go through this again. On the other hand my heart is telling me its ok you was ment to have another baby.

I have mixed messages through myself and i am a little lost as to how to feel to. I mean i was so happy this morning to think that last night was one step closer to getting me the baby i want and i walk around with a huge smile. The other part is walking around hoping that something bads not happening. Yes i know i should stop.

But i would like to know what you think about this.

I told hubby that if we do have another baby that i will not be telling noone but my hubby, my mum (as she is very close to me and support) and my manager at work just if i need time off etc. I don't want to say a word until i had that 20 week ultra sound to say if its all ok. Do you think i am being a bit silly by that. I am already a big girl being a size 16 so people may not know. I just found it hard telling everyone we lost the baby.

The other thing is my first son took a year to get him my second son we waited until my sons first birthday and fell preg that month this one we just lost took me 3 years to get trying (it was more like 5 years after my second son was born) so i am hoping it was just the we left it a long time between the second and theird. I am hoping that after my mc i can quickly get another one.

What are your feeling about sex after mc and how you feel about trying for another one

TTC a baby girl

Firstly I'm sorry for your loss.

Please stop blaming yourself its no one fault or no one to blame

When a Miscarrage takes place the mother is not to blame.

I myself have had two Miscarrages I feel huge loss when I lost my babies.
First. Miscarrage was in July. 2000
Second. Miscarrage was in November 2011

I am scared. It may happen again however I love kids want more

I made decision to TTC

So I'm hoping I will be blessed with another baby this year.

My advice is please keep open communication with your partner & doctor on how your feeling.

I totally. Understand that you want to add to your family.

I'm sure it will happen when the time is right.

Remember no one to blame

Huge hugs please take of yourself.
Hi and I am so sorry for your loss.

I too had an MC at 20 weeks in Sept last year.

It is such a personal thing and noone can tell you how you should feel, or what you should do. It has to be what you decide, what you are comfortable with and what you want.

Having said that, here is a bit about my story.

I had a beautiful DD, prior to having my MC. I desperately wanted to start trying again as soon as I got the all clear from my OB. The wait until then was unbearable. But 6 weeks post my D&C he gave us the green light to try again. All tests on the placent and remains, showed no reason for the mc. Just one of those things.

So we jumped in and started trying again. I am now 14 weeks pregnant. We didn't want to tell anyone prior to 12 weeks to start with. We told our parents straight away and then that was it. I guess over time, we felt more and more comfortable with the pregnancy and gradually started telling those that 'needed to know'. I told one close friend for support at around 6 weeks, told my boss at around 8 weeks,as I was suffering from MS. At 14 weeks, I am still just telling people as they see my bump, or as I speak to them.

My advice to you, is not to keep a secret, because you are scared of something going wrong. To me that's all the more reason to tell someone. You will need support, whatever the outcome and it will be hard at the start.

Good luck! I hope you get your sticky bub soon. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask?
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss

Like you said, things happen for a reason so if you and DH do happen to fall pregnant again it was meant to be, iykwim.

You are probably right that your MC was related to a problem with your baby and not yourself. Women's intuition is a powerful thing. You've managed to carry 2 babies to term previously so unless something drastic has happened in that time I would say your body works as it should.

I would go see your doctor as soon as you can to have a full health check, etc. Tell them your concerns about possible future pregnancies and I'm sure they will have advice on the next steps to take.

Sorry I can't really add much else, but I do wish you the best of luck for the future.

My story is similar to yours. DH and I lost our little boy in august last year. He had passed away at 17 weeks but we didn't find out until our 19 week ultrasound and was Induced and gave birth to him the next day.

We had conflicting advice from different drs, some said to ttc whenever we felt ready and one said to wait a year ( this was before we had the appointment that abou the test results)

In the end, we decided to ttc and fell pregnant in nov. ( they never did find out why we lost our baby)

So I am 12 and a half weeks pregnant but we have only told immediate family and our bosses ( the hospital have been wonderful and we have already had three scans, so needed to tell work to explain time off etc)

DH is much like you and really struggled grieving in public so he does not want to tell anyone until after our 19 week scan. I would prefer to share this pregnancy with ppl but respect his wishes.

I am really starting to show though and ppl have started asking my family members if I am pregnant ( I am about a size 16 too ) so realistically we won't be able to hide it for another 7 weeks....
OMG, lovelies, I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's bad luck. These are some notes from my background.. With all of that still no luck in getting pregnant we did our first round of IVF. A couple of days after the transfer we found out none of the other embryos survived for another round. Then when #2 we found out the IVF failed. We were shocked and devastated. That month of Jan for us was brutal. I got myself in a funk. I had a really hard time getting out of it. I wouldn’t say it was anything like a fully blown out depression. But I had a really hard time shaking the sinking feeling I felt..Yet our next round ended with mc..The worst experience ever!! I'm so sorry to hear the stories where ladies faced this pain. No one deserves it, no one!! I'm so sorry for the dreams broken. May God bless all of people struggling, sooner or later – let this happen!
Monikadavid399 wrote:
I am extremely sorry to hear about your MC. I can understand that this can be extremely hard to go through. I would suggest that stay positive and calm. For the process maybe this time ask for professional help. This is to avoid anymore MC. For the process visit people who are professionals. Good luck to you. Sending baby dust your way.

I've read quite loads of info about why mc might happen. even though everything looks awesome. And all the treatment steps are performed the best. Here's what the majority of the articles say. About 20 - 30 per cent of pregnancies end with mc!! While there isn’t a test or a procedure to definitively account for every single cause of mc, the most of the time, miscarriages occur during the 1st trimester. The most likely reason is chromosomal abnormalities. It means that when the sperm fertilized the egg, the resulting embryo had the incorrect number of chromosomes. Or there were errors in cell division (And it led to parts of the chromosomes getting lost or incorrectly copied.) These abnormalities result in a non-viable embryo. following a pregnancy loss, included mc like a blighted ovum or chemical. The most likely explanation for why this happens is random chance. Scientists are trying to understand whether factors like folic acid intake or radiation affect chances of chromosomal abnormalities. Still there is no exact explanation..I'm sorry for everyone who've faced this pain once..May Lord heal your wounds.
I wish all those who are in this boat success and baby dust. But those who were successful what were your secrets? If any? I would prefer to get pregnant naturally. But it was time and health issues against me. Had been so desperate before found the solution – donor eggs. Just a couple of weeks separates me from seeing my LO)
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand how hard this all must be for you. Just stay positive and strong. Dont give up. I know going through an MC is one of the most difficult situations. However, if your first pregnancy was a smooth one that means that others could be as well. Therefore, just keep trying. Visit a good doctor for report analysis as well.
God save us from this hearbreak! My bottom line is that in some situations, this ideal concept is not possible due to certain medical conditions, the age of the prospective mother, having a history of miscarriage, etc. So, from the perspective of heterosexual couples, surrogacy is a major advantage because it allows them to create a family in spite of not being able by natural means. There is, however, a negative side in this: The high cost of this treatment, which may not be within the grasp of everyone. Sadly enough, but even if intended parents have everything in place, facts such as religious beliefs, historical background, laws, and the influence of certain family members can prevent them from entering into a surrogacy arrangement. For same-sex couples and single parents, it is clear that surrogacy is not only a major advantage, but actually the only chance for them to become parents, as in the case of gay male couples and single fathers. In fact, it brings them the possibility of having a baby and share their genes with him or her. Also, another positive of surrogacy if compared to traditional adoption is that it allows intended parents to have a child who has the genes of at least one of them. With adoption, this is not possible, as the child was conceived by another couple. Finally, it should be clear that a pregnancy is not a mathematical equation and many factors can influence the process. For this reason, there are time factors involved that all the parties involved should take into consideration. And I feel like them reflecting on their blessings, the possible sadness or struggles of another person, in the context of us being selfless and caring mentors for others' children as our life's career, is a positive thing that might incite changed ways of thinking. Even for those lovely people that truly mean it as a wonderful compliment. Well, one can only hope!!
Hi everyone!
@C_Lains, thank you for sharing thoughts on surrogacy. I believe the first step in any surrogacy process is to carefully consider whether surrogacy is right for you. Becoming a surrogate or a parent through surrogacy can be a long and emotional journey. It is definitelya big commitment for both parties!! Just like with any major decision, couples should carefully research surrogacy laws. They should consider its pros and cons. They should even speak with various surrogacy professionals to truly understand if surrogacy is that very way out for them. For prospective surrogates becoming a surrogate is a life-changing decision. It can be extremely fulfilling. But it is not without its challenges. Surrogacy requires a woman to commit to another family for a year or more as she undergos medical and psychological evaluations and procedures. Endures all of the challenges related to pregnancy and labor. And carry a baby that isn’t her own actually. But many women accept these challenges. They believe the positives far outweigh the negatives. Please, everyone, remember! If you remain uncertain about surrogacy or need more information before making your decision, consider reaching out to a surrogacy agency or attorney to learn more about whether surrogacy is right for you and whether you are ready for the surrogacy process!
There are many reasons to consider growing your family through surrogacy (Whether you are a couple who has struggled with infertility, a member of the LGBT community or are looking to expand your family as a single parent.) Before you begin the surrogacy process, it is important to educate yourself about the risks and benefits of the process. You should ensure that you are ready to fully commit to the process. Hopeful parents considering surrogacy should be aware of the financial and emotional investment required. If you or your spouse are struggling with the decision to become parents through surrogacy, again turn to a specialist.
This is a long and quite often very emotional process. But I believe people can do it! As long as they see their aim - they can do it!
Monikadavid399 wrote:
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand how hard this all must be for you. Just stay positive and strong. Dont give up. I know going through an MC is one of the most difficult situations. However, if your first pregnancy was a smooth one that means that others could be as well. Therefore, just keep trying. Visit a good doctor for report analysis as well.

My husband was my main support through all our ivf attempts.
We decided to keep it secret from everyone what we was going though, apart from parents. And although they said some nice things they just didn’t say the correct things at the correct time. 
The disappointment you feel when a cycle fails is unexplainable and nothing anyone else could imagine. The hurt you feel inside is very real and its completely normal for you to feel bad when someone announces a pregnancy.
At the start I wasn’t so bothered by pregnancy announcements but as the years went on each announcement broke me down inside. I started to feel really jealous and bitter. And that’s not me at all but I think in this situation it’s acceptable.
If you feel you need a cry then have a good cry, I had several and they always helped.
I had days where i stayed in bed with the quilt pulled over me because I couldn’t even bare to have to see babies/children or a pregnant lady.
I felt alone lots of the time. 
We basically managed to cope by just always talking to each other about how we was feeling, lots of treats so we had lots of dinners out, days out, holidays etc and one positive way of looking at it for us was we was going to enjoy our time alone just the two of us before that eventually changed.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go though two failed cycles and I’m sending you lots of luck for your third cycle. It truly is so hard but somewhere deep inside we find the strength to keep going. I know it’s so hard and cliche but keep as positive as possible.
Don’t say it won’t happen, say when it happens.
After our third cycle I was so ready for giving up but I was so determined to get my dream, I’ve wanted to be a mummy since being a little girl. My mum said it’s all I’d ever spoken about. 
We had 3 failed cycles of clomid, 1 tube removed, 5 failed cycles of ivf and 2 cancelled cycles of ivf. Currently going egg donor IVF route.
Keep fighting, you will get there in the end.
Lots of luck xx
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