My missed miscarriage.....

Hi I just really needed to write all this down as I thought I was doing well until today....

I am 27 years old and married to the love of my life we have been together for 5 years and married for 2 and this year we decided we were ready to start trying for a baby so we did everything we could to make sure everything was in our favour. We changed our food habits to all healthy foods, we lost a heap of a weight and we start taking our pre-natal vitamins 3 months before trying to conceive as per our doctors suggestion. We went of the pill and after only 1 cycle we feel pregnant! We were over the moon we felt so blessed and so lucky that this had happened for us so quickly and like all expected parents we started to dream and plan all the wonderful things we would do and how our life would be with our very own little baby. At Christmas we very excitedly called every family member and best buddy we had that we were 10 weeks pregnant and over the moon! Everything was going great, morning sickness, exhausted, food aversions everything and I couldn't have been happier! Then the day finally came for our 12 week scan and we were ecstatic I drank my 600mls of water and sat cross legged for the massive 2hr drive to the scan center. The moment had finally come but the tech went very quiet and then she asked if i had, had any spotting and I knew I had lost our baby. The doctor came in to tell us that we had, had a missed miscarriage the baby had stopped developing at 9 weeks but my hormones carried on as if everything was normal so for 3 weeks our baby had been dead inside me and it was devastating knowing that when we had told everyone at Christmas we had already lost our little nuggie! We knew we had done nothing wrong and it was just this baby wasn't meant to be but I have never felt such pain or loss in my life, my husband was devastated and we sat in the room holding each other and crying for what felt like a life time.

The next day I had a d&c to remove the remaining tissue which was another awful ordeal for us, they told my husband it would be no longer then 15mins, 45mins later i still wasn't out and no-one had told him anything. The reason why I was so long was because on top of crying for my loss I also had a panic attack about being put under (hospitals freak me out) so they had to force me under. When I woke up I told them to get my husband, poor Jack was beside himself and my whole body was in shock I was ghost white and my whole body was shaking. The worst part is they didn't put the pad in right so when they pulled the blanket back the first thing we both saw was just blood down both my legs it was awful after 5hrs we were told we could finally go home.

We spent the weekend just holding each other and trying to relax, we stupidly went back to work on Monday and found out we are not the kind of people that can work through that kind of pain. Thankfully we have a wonderful employer who gave us both a weeks paid compassionate leave and we went away to the coast and swam every day and ate what ever we wanted and just held one another. During this time I was also had debilitating cramps to the point where i couldn't stand which was also lots of fun.

So we found out on the 9th January and had the d&c on the 10th fast forward to today and I thought i was doing well until this morning!! One of the women my mum works with (obviously one my mum hadn't told I had lost the baby) came up to me put her hand on my stomach and said congrats how far along are you now? Blah I burst into tears but thankfully as always hubby was by my side to hug me and tell me it would be ok so that's what has prompted this very long explanation of my missed miscarriage I just needed to get it all out uninterrupted and hopefully help me heal a little more!

I'm told your extremely fertile after a d&c so crossing our fingers and toes we will get our baby soon....

Stina
xxxx

Coastie Girl wrote:
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've had a missed mc with my first pregnancy and a D&C so I know what you are going through. There was a heart beat at 6 weeks, then not at 9 weeks.

I think it might be true about being more fertile after a mc, as I've conceived within 2 mths of that mc and have a 2 yo DD.

Take your time to grieve, I also needed a week off work afterwards, but felt empty until we got pregnant again.

That's exactly how I feel....empty! I felt it the most this morning when she touched my tummy!! I hope I am blessed as you are and fall quickly! All we can do is try, thank for the reply it's nice knowing I'm not alone! smile

Sorry to hear this, it will take time. sad I was a mess for a few weeks & still have the odd bad day. I had a hb at 6wks then nothing at 10wks.

I agree with coastie girl about being more fertile afterwards. I found out I was pregnant again last week which is about 3 months after I had a d&c.

little beans wrote:
Sorry to hear this, it will take time. sad I was a mess for a few weeks & still have the odd bad day. I had a hb at 6wks then nothing at 10wks.

I agree with coastie girl about being more fertile afterwards. I found out I was pregnant again last week which is about 3 months after I had a d&c.

Thank you, yes today is definately a bad day but I'm sure I'll get there and I love the falling pregnant stories shortly after a d&c it's very encouraging!

Christina
I had a missed mc back in July and it was a horrible time, fortunately my boss also gave me a week off but it does take time to go through the grieving process and even now I know I'm not 100%. Just let yourself continue processing it in your own time. As per pp, you are most fertile after the d&c. It was almost 10 weeks for me to get AF, my first cycle was a short 23 days then I fell pregnant the next cycle without incident.
You've come so far with everything you've done so well done and hoping the wait to your next BFP is short.

Miss Belle wrote:
Christina
I had a missed mc back in July and it was a horrible time, fortunately my boss also gave me a week off but it does take time to go through the grieving process and even now I know I'm not 100%. Just let yourself continue processing it in your own time. As per pp, you are most fertile after the d&c. It was almost 10 weeks for me to get AF, my first cycle was a short 23 days then I fell pregnant the next cycle without incident.
You've come so far with everything you've done so well done and hoping the wait to your next BFP is short.

Thank you so much Miss Belle that made me teary, definately not 100% but doing my best just some days are harder then others and with it being our first and very wanted pregnancy it's just such a massive blow! Just seems so unfair!!

First of all I'm sorry to hear about your loss, no one deserves to go through such a devastating feeling especially when you had gone in thinking you were going to see your lil man/girl on the screen.

I haven't personally been through this, I recently had my baby (January 4th) and I was very blessed but I did have a good friend who fell pregnant around the same time as me (infact she was a day ahead of me in our estimated due dates). She had a missed miscarriage and she was devastated.

Just because your baby was only 9 weeks when it passed, does not make it any less devastating as losing a baby who has already been born or even a stillbirth. It's still your baby!!

I believe you just have to treat it like grief of losing someone to death (because that essentially is what it is) and give yourself time to be human and heal(!!!) maybe that might mean giving yourself some time before falling pregnant again (I only say it because being in a happier mindset is a lot healthier for you and bub to be)

Don't give yourself a time line of when you think you should feel better. Don't tell yourself you should be over it by now, because that's not how grief works, it takes time, and people will understand. Especially those who have experienced a loss.

You already sound like you'll be an amazing mum (and believe me, you will eventually be a mum- a great one!) because you care so much.

All I suggest is time, get back to a good mindset, let yourself heal and maybe do a few things you wanna do before you have bub (a weekend holiday , pamper you and hubby?)

I hope to see you in the pregnancy forums smile happy and much better, but i promise you, no one can dictate when you should feel better, just let yourself be human and if you need to cry that is OK! smile

Good luck hun xx


And I should add, you fell pregnant easily so you know you are fertile and can have children, so you'll be there again soon!!!!!! Look after yourself mama-to-be smile

Thanks ladies I am happy thankfully I have the most amazing husband in the world who makes me smile everyday and I expect I will always feel a sadness at the loss of our first pregnancy but we are moving forward and yes hoping for a sticky baby!

At the moment we've taken up tennis and we are swimming daily which are both wonderful outlets and we are loving the new activities together but there are just a few sad days thrown in every now and then!

Stina_Cake thank you so much for your honest message. It was just what I was looking for when searching these forums as your experience is similar to mine and I am so sorry for your loss.

I had a missed miscarriage also. I found out on the day I was supposed to be 11 weeks along (16 January this year). It started with a very small amount of bleeding the day before which stopped straight away. However, my midwife booked me in to the Early Pregnancy Clinic to have a check up the following day and to cut a long story short, my baby had no heartbeat. We had lost the baby between 8-9 weeks. I had a D & C on Monday 20 January. It has been devastating but we are doing ok and we are trying to stay positive. We are getting married on the 21st Feb so I'm very grateful to have that to focus on. We are hoping to get pregnant again as soon as possible as we feel mentally we can cope with it, I just hope my body is on the same page.

I was wondering what other peoples experiences are with bleeding after a D & C. I only had light bleeding after the inital bleeding immediately after the D & C. I stopped after a couple of days but then on Saturday I started with some brownish old blood, again it was light and stopped after a couple of days. My Dr told me we were ok to start trying again once the bleeding stopped, my partner and I DTD but I started bleeding immediately after. It didn't last and I haven't had anymore bleeding since then. I'm worried that it may have been too soon and that now I may get an infection? Does anyone have any advice on this?

Again Stina_Cake, I'm so grateful that you shared your story and send you big hugs for an improved day tomorrow. I look forward to sharing the journed of trying to conceive with you -x-

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Your story has me in tears. I had 2 miscarriages last year, the 1st passed naturally in March & the 2nd was in Nov & I opted for a D&C after the tablets hadn't completely worked. The pain of your loss will never go away completely, you need to give yourself time to heal & try again when you are ready. It sounds like you have an amazing husband & great support. As yet we are not actively ttc as hubby is scared after 2 in a row that it will happen again, so I am leaving it up to fate & hope that we will have a successful pregnancy next time. Sending you lots of love xx

Sutton to be - I had no bleeding after my D&C in Nov, didn't even wear a pad home from hospital. We dtd 10 days after & I had no bleeding but then I did get a fairly heavy period exactly 21 days from the date of the operation. Not sure about the infection side of things, have you had any odour, pain or still bleeding?

SuttonToBe thank you for your reply and I am so sorry for your loss it is a pain that can never be imagined and when it happens you wish you never had to feel it! Hubby and I are ready for a baby and we are strong and we know we have each other no matter the out come. Congrats on your wedding that is the perfect kind of distraction take it all in and hold your hubby to be tight! My wedding day is my most cherished it was so perfect!

In regards to bleeding I had no spotting or anything alerting me to a miscarriage and after the d&c I had some light bleeding for 2 days and then my body didn't skip a beat 8 days later I had a normal period in regards to length of, colour and heaviness so we will see how I go I have a 27 day cycle so should have my period again on the 13th Feb. Hubby and I have been DTD, the first time was a bit painful so we stopped but after that it has been fine. Just take it easy and check with your doctor if your worried! Wishing you a wonderful wedding and a sticky honeymoon baby!!

Mel + 2 I'm so sorry for your 2 miscarriages 1 is unfair and 2 is just cruel!! Making life certainly isn't easy but lean on your hubby and just take your time! It would be so scary to try again and be worried about it not happening but it's the chance we take for the bubbas we so dearly want! Sending you lots of love! xxx