Huggies Forum

Huggies® Ultimate
Newborn Nappies

Learn More
  1. home
  2. Baby Forum
  3. Pregnancy & Birth
  4. Home Births & Drug Free Births
  5. Need help to connect with this pregnancy

Need help to connect with this pregnancy Lock Rss

I'm planning my 2nd homebirth with my 3rd baby and all was going great, I was so excited and really involved in all the planning but a few weeks ago I learnt that a friends baby had been born sleeping. I don't know how to explain it but it felt like I shut myself off from my growing baby and I don't want to think about having this baby at all.

Does anyone have any advice to help me reconnect with this pregnancy and my baby?

Your attitudes sound like mine was. I had to see a "specialist" because I wasn't connecting with my baby enough and lacked emotion. My first two children have been taken overseas against my will by a former partner. I didn't want to love my baby in case something went wrong. I didn't buy anything as I was superstitious. I prepared for birth without my new partner. I took a long time to tell him I was pregnant and wasn't planning on telling him at all unless he asked and when I went into labour I told him at the very last minute. I avoided moving in with my partner until after the birth of the baby too.

The specialist suggested some of the following to help connect to the baby:

Rub your belly, sing songs or speak to the unborn baby in your belly, go to active birthing classes, learn baby massage, touch, kiss, cuddle and smile to your baby when it's born. If you feel stupid you can rub your belly or speak to your baby in private.

Other things you can do are:
Go to a baby shop and pick out or just look at some cute clothing or furniture. Look at pictures of babies in magazines or on the internet. Go visit a friend with a baby and hold their baby or help them out. Take a tour of a maternity ward. Watch birthing and other videos about raising babies/children.

Hope that helps.
Hi there,
I had this happen when I was pregnant with dd2 (homebirth as well) I think its a way of protecting yourself against the realisation of life. For me it wasn't so much about not being connected to the baby, it was about trying to stay unconnected so that it wasn't as painful to think about. Its a horrendous thing to happen and its always the worst thing possible that could happen. The way out of it for me was to surround myself with positive stories, to remind myself that most of the time babies are fine and I had to deliberately try to avoid stories that were going to mess with my headspace. (news/forums etc) its very easy to get caught up in seeing all the bad stuff, especially on the internet... having someone close to you going through..... it just keeps drumming it in. I agree with the other suggestions, it will help make it more real again. For me it was about letting down the walls of protecting myself and allowing myself to enjoy being pregnant with my baby.
I hope you find the support you need.

Mrs Claus....I am so sorry. sad
Sign in to follow this topic