Hey all.
So my MIL and I generally get along well, but she refuses to support my birthing plans. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and I'm really interested in a natural home water birth. It is my first baby and she thinks I am too naiive to make this decision.
I have spent a lot of time researching, and asked my midwife lots of questions who is more than happy to assist me. My husband doesn't know his feelings yet, and won't choose a side when myself and my MIL talk about it. Although I say talk, it is more that she lectures me.
She continues to tell me horrific birth stories about all the babies that die, or that would have died had they not been born in hospital. In our first conversation she called me selfish and said if I cared about my child at all I would go to hospital. Just this evening she brought it up again and told me that my baby will die and that when it does she will know at least she told me not to do it.
I don't want to keep arguing with her, but I am afraid I won't have any support for my birth and will eventually have to do as she wants which is so against how i feel. Her main concern is that I live 40 mins away from a hospital, however my midwife has assisted numerous successful home births out of the city, and at this stage doesn't believe I am a risk. She did say that should things change or look suspicious she will send me to hospital sooner than she would someone close to town, and I trust her.
I know this is my first baby and I understand that she is worried that I am ignorant on the pain/process of birth. But it will be painful regardless of where I am so why am I not allowed to be comfortable in my own home when going through such a natural thing. I feel like I cannot approach her with anything and my parents live in Nelson (me in chch) so they aren't around enough for me to approach if I had problems. As I said my husband cannot make a decision and so other than my midwife I have nobody on my side. I have contacted Home Birth Aotearoa but have had no response, does anybody know of support groups I can go to? Or have some suggestions on how to deal with this situation? I know this stress isn't good for me or baby, and I need to be comfortable with my birth plan in order to have the birth I want.
Some people have suggested telling my MIL I have changed my mind and will have it in hospital, but have a homebirth anyway, but I don't want to have to lie, I just want to be able to have an open and honest conversation without being told I am selfish or harming my baby.
Any suggestions or help would be really appreciated.
Thanks
worried FTM
So my MIL and I generally get along well, but she refuses to support my birthing plans. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and I'm really interested in a natural home water birth. It is my first baby and she thinks I am too naiive to make this decision.
I have spent a lot of time researching, and asked my midwife lots of questions who is more than happy to assist me. My husband doesn't know his feelings yet, and won't choose a side when myself and my MIL talk about it. Although I say talk, it is more that she lectures me.
She continues to tell me horrific birth stories about all the babies that die, or that would have died had they not been born in hospital. In our first conversation she called me selfish and said if I cared about my child at all I would go to hospital. Just this evening she brought it up again and told me that my baby will die and that when it does she will know at least she told me not to do it.
I don't want to keep arguing with her, but I am afraid I won't have any support for my birth and will eventually have to do as she wants which is so against how i feel. Her main concern is that I live 40 mins away from a hospital, however my midwife has assisted numerous successful home births out of the city, and at this stage doesn't believe I am a risk. She did say that should things change or look suspicious she will send me to hospital sooner than she would someone close to town, and I trust her.
I know this is my first baby and I understand that she is worried that I am ignorant on the pain/process of birth. But it will be painful regardless of where I am so why am I not allowed to be comfortable in my own home when going through such a natural thing. I feel like I cannot approach her with anything and my parents live in Nelson (me in chch) so they aren't around enough for me to approach if I had problems. As I said my husband cannot make a decision and so other than my midwife I have nobody on my side. I have contacted Home Birth Aotearoa but have had no response, does anybody know of support groups I can go to? Or have some suggestions on how to deal with this situation? I know this stress isn't good for me or baby, and I need to be comfortable with my birth plan in order to have the birth I want.
Some people have suggested telling my MIL I have changed my mind and will have it in hospital, but have a homebirth anyway, but I don't want to have to lie, I just want to be able to have an open and honest conversation without being told I am selfish or harming my baby.
Any suggestions or help would be really appreciated.
Thanks
worried FTM