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  5. Feeling cheated - emergency c-section but no labour :(

Feeling cheated - emergency c-section but no labour :( Lock Rss

Ok, I really just need somewhere to vent and get this off my chest.

My whole pregnancy, I was really looking forward to going into labour and having my DD naturally - however this wasn't to be, and she ended up being born via emergency c-section, but not due to problems with labour.

I had a bleed at 35+6 weeks and was hospitalised for it. She was born at 36+2 weeks (so 3 days later on 14 Jan) via c-section after I had another bleed in hospital.

I know that it was the best outcome for both DD and myself, but I feel cheated as I never got to go into labour, and therefore I'm struggling to feel connected to my bub. To top it off, I couldn't breastfeed as I had a lot of issues after the birth (infections and running temps of 39.8!!), so she is a formula fed baby which is also not what I imagined.

She is a great baby, and I do think I'm doing the best to care for her as much as any other new Mum would be - I am trying to give her lots of cuddles and to bond with her, but I still feel cheated I never went through labour with her.

The stupid bit is - if I had of gone into labour naturally, I could have died (which is something else I am struggling to cope with as I had undiagnosed placenta previa grade 3 (and it was undiagnosed twice!!)) I know the best option was to have her by c-section but I just feel like I got cheated out of having a real birth experience...

As a result of my placenta previa not being diagnosed twice, I also feel like I should never have another child as the same thing might occur and it may not be the same outcome next time... I just mentally feel like I am a failure for not being able to give birth, let alone go into labour...

Am I insane or is it normal to feel like this after an emergency c-section?
Well firstly, congratulations on a healthy baby:)
Secondly, it is natural to feel cheated, I still feel cheated at not having a natural birth with my son, he was breech, so booked in for c-section. I'm afraid it's just one of those things in life where you have to end up looking at the bright side... you're both healthy! It's really hard to let go of the fact that things did not go they way you wanted them. I really really really want a natural birth this time, but hey, if bub gets distressed or whatever during labour and it is decided the safest delivery is another c-section, thats what it'll be. You're no less of a mother for having bub delivered like this and it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job anyway. I just try to think that I am so blessed to have my son in this world, it doesn't matter how he was born. Are you able to seek some counselling at all? It might help to talk out loud about it and deal with it??

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your little girl.

I think during pregnancy we have all these wonderful expectations of exactly how the labour will be and if it doesn't happen we feel a bit cheated.

You are definitely not a failure for not going into labour and having your baby naturally. You were able to deliver a healthy baby and you are ok and that is all that matters in the end.

It sounds like you had a hectic week or so and you might still be in a bit of shock. Perhaps you can have a chat to your midwife and she could refer you to someone to talk it through.

I have never had a c-section but from what others have said this shouldn't affect the bond with your daughter.

It sounds like you have been through a lot and you need some time to come to terms with it. Enjoy every minute with your baby girl and I hope you make a quick recovery.
Congrats on your beautiful little baby! =)

I had what they call an elective was in no way elective on my part (it was the one thing i didnt want), as i had pre-eclampsia and while in hospital with that they discovered DD was breech, so i was seen by the surgeon and booked in for a c-section 5 days later as this was the safest option for both of us.

I cant say i have felt cheated at all, i bonded with DD easily and although i didnt get to experience labour, the only thing that worried me was not knowing what labour was like when i had another baby. I have heard alot of people around me that have had c-sections say they felt ripped-off tho, so it seems quite normal.

AS the pps have said, because you had quite a tough time with things afterwards (the infections, breastfeeding etc) maybe talking to a professional might help you work thru things. Good Luck with everything =)
Congrats on the safe arrival of your DD!

I had my ID twins c-section with a general anesthetic 3 years ago. My girls had acute TTTS so it was a life/death situation. I never had any birth plan or expectations and made a conscious effort not to burden myself with it. I have never regretted or felt cheated with the wonderful birth I was given for my girls. BUT I have made a conscious effort to embrace it, to have good memories of it, even though it was extremely traumatic to be given a diagnosis and give birth 20 minutes later. And I use the language of "giving birth". My girls were very sick and so was I. I saw them 7 hours later after I recovered somewhat. Breast feeding was difficult with premmie twins. I BF for 8 weeks. It was not a bonding experience for me.
I really hope you can overcome these feelings of regret...embrace the birth that was meant for you and your DD and try not to let any outside influences rob you of it. I had lots of people try to "tell" me that I must feel like I missed out! I was so astonished by it. I hope I have made sense.

Am I insane or is it normal to feel like this after an emergency c-section?

You are not insane to feel like this - but it doesn't have to necessarily happen after an emergency c-section. I had an operative birth for a prem baby, with many complications afterwards including infection. I felt I was cheated, I felt I didn't bond with my baby very well - I couldn't say I loved him for quite a while. I also felt I had failed at giving birth normally as I didn't reach full term & could not deliver him fast enough before they resorted to ventouse/forceps.

I think there are a number of things that can contribute to feeling like this - for me, I was not mentally prepared for a baby at that stage of the pregnancy, I did not get skin to skin time after birth, I was in pain with the undiagnosed infection for many days, and then the other complications that have continued to be a real problem even now. I think had some degree of PND or PTSD too.

My friend who had an elective c-section for a breech baby also feels cheated & disappointed that she didn't get to experience labour either. I know I ended up with a healthy boy (as people keep reminding me), but being told that you shouldn't feel like that, or just to focus on the positives didn't help. Hearing that others felt the same way DID help.

14 months on, things are much better. Yes, I still feel regret (and sometimes a bit of anger) at what happened, and it took me a long time to bond with my boy, but now I can't imagine loving him any less. So it will take time, but have faith that you will get there. And I have to keep thinking that the likelihood of things going the same way the next time are very remote. Even if they do - I will be more prepared and more pro-active! Also, I would like to think that next time I would go get assessed for PND/PTSD.

Thinking of you.
i had an emergency c section after hours of pushing etc..... imagine your worse v and d pain and multiply it while holding off going to the toilet and you won't be there....

how old is your baby???? is it possible to relatch? there is eats on feets world wide of women donating breast milk so mums like you can relatch their babies to the boob and the milk come in via a tiny little line by the boob and stimulates the breast to make milk.... if it hasn't been long since you had your baby you still could breast feed but it will be a process of latching your baby and having her suck and also pumping to stimulate suppy..... something to think about.... eats on feets is on facebook connecting mums with mums.... they do this in brazil every day with some babies.
congrats on your baby girl
by the way you still gave birth to your daughter


I've had 3 c-sections. The first one was because my DS was breech and because I had plenty of time to get used of the idea I didn't feel cheated with that one. Breastfeeding took persistence (I'm a stubborn bitch lol), but I got there, it took 5 days for the milk to come down fully.

Second I tried for a VBAC, but because of scar tissue from the first c-section I didn't dilate past 5cm, so an emergency c-section was ordered. My heart dropped and I cried, but after 18hrs of labor I just wanted her out. But yes I did feel cheated and ripped off. But because I was suffering ante-natal depression the staff were right onto me and made sure someone come in to talk to me. It was definitely early intervention of the counsellor that help me. Mentally it was the most traumatic out of the three births. Couple of days for the milk to come in with this one.

Third, I went for an elective c-section as I didn't want to go through labor and then another emergency c-section. This last one was physically more traumatic than the other two, had complications, infection and was in hospital for 8 days, followed by the full 6 weeks to recover. DD was the first baby that the milk came in quickly.

Please go see someone and talk it out with them. No body can tell you the right way to sort it out, but they can give you the tools to sort it yourself. What you are feeling is very normal.
i know exactly how you feel about being cheated out of labour i'm about to have num 3 and have not gone into labour with any of them, i didn't have a prob bf or bonding though. num 1 was overdue and didn't want to come so i had an elective c-sec the second was a big disaster i had a fall the night before i had her and prev scar did split during c-sec the following day so with num3 they not giving me an option it's already booked from day 1 so try not let it get to you to much as your not on your own there are a few of us out there i would have liked to experience labour but in the end you have a happy healthy baby so how they came out shouldn't matter in the long run.
Hi there and a big congratulations on the safe arrival of your beautiful little girl. I too went through the same thing with our daughter. At 37 weeks, my waters broke and when we went into hospital, they discovered she was breech so I was rushed in for a c-section. I had no contractions, no experience of labour at all. I must admit however, that even though I was distraught and crying, the midwives and surgeons were fabulous at putting my mind at ease during the procedure and as they were delivering our DD, someone told a joke and I even had a chuckle! It was the best method of delivery for us both and that is what matters most in the end. She is now a cheeky, happy and very healthy little 2 1/2 year old and we are expecting our second little baby girl in four weeks so I will be having another c-section. I considered the idea of having a VBAC this time around so I could experience a natural birth, however after considering the risks and speaking with good friends of mine (one whom has had five children, all naturally), they have put my mind at ease by telling me some very interesting and honest stories about natural births! I have now decided that this is what is meant to be for myself and our daughters and we are blessed to have the medical knowledge we have these days to safely deliver our children without harm to them or our ourselves. It took me a while to come to grips with the notion of c-section but after discussing it with others and looking at the positive side of c-sections, I feel so much better about it now. I wish you and your beautiful daughter all the best!
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