Hi by now ur bub will have arrived and I am not sure whether you are having time to get on here or not but Im hoping that my advice might help if like me you chickened out of standing up for what you know is best for U and ur fam.
Prior to our 1st arriving I had requested that DH set some boudaries with his dad (yep not MIL but FIL) as I was sick of the lack of boundaries and new baby seemed like a non-confrontational way of sorting things out. The background was DH and I had bought the family home from him and he stayed and lived with us for 18months after this. He then treated our house like he treats his daughters - kept the key and lets himself in when he likes, still gets his mail delivered here (this is now almost 6yrs later) doesnt knock or call before he comes just calls out @ the back door as he is opening it. He also is the absolute expert on parenting, mechanics, cooking, cleaning, discipline, electrical stuff, plumbing and building along with other things. And paid experts in these fields do not know as much as him - hubby works in electricity and FIL swears he knows more. So his personality is just slightly frustrating and no conversation is ever equal. He has also integrated himself into my fam. - attending fam. birthdays, dropping into my dad's work (my fam live 1.5hrs away), attending out annual easter holiday and any other fam events that have always just been my parents, siblings and grandparents.
DH didnt want to rock the boat as he and his sister are estranged from his mum and he feels he really only has one parent and the issues continued once DS arrived. I had suggested to DH that no-one know when we go into labour and that we not have visitors until the next day as I wanted to go home early and so wanted to get feeding well est. before then. DH couldnt really see the sense but went along with it until during labour he said he would call and let people know and then we'd not tell them the end result for awhile. When he told FIL I told him he had to tell my fam (they live away so I wanted them to have a chance to meet bub @ the same time - FIL is the type to rub it in that he was the 1st GP to meet & hold bub). Of course DH was so excited he convinced me to let everyone know and have visitors that day - I did keep it until the next lot of visiting hrs though so my fam could be there @ the same time. Our birth involved a lot of intervention but was not a c-section. I went home the next day and my fam cam back over that evening for a quick visit and bought us all dinner - FIL was there for a lot lot longer.
Luckily FIL was going to NZ that weekend so we had a month of repreave before he started doing all the previously mentioned dropping in un-announced and not knocking etc. DS was not the greatest sleeper (still isnt lol) and it took awhile for us to get him to sleep @ all during the day and I really didnt think that I was coping as I was getting cranky with DS - something I never thought I would do. I finally realised that I wasnt cranky with DS I was stressed about getting DS to sleep enough before FIL waltzed in @ the top of his lungs un-invited and woke him up. After I realised this almost 8wks later I promptly sent him a message (made it look like I sent it to everyone) and said we were having bad nights and everyone would need to ring before they came as we could both be sleeping during the day. This fixed it for 2 wks until I overheard him telling my dad that we look well rested so he can stop 'this ridiculous ringing' before he comes. It has now got to the stage where I barely speak to him when he is around and dread him visiting. This is even harder when he looks after DS 2days/wk @ the moment while I work. He has also become the beginning for many disagreements between DH and I and I struggle to find anything positive about him anymore.
This time around I am standing my ground though as I dont want my DH to not have a relationship with his father - even if he isnt ideal he's the only real parent he has. I am sure that if he wasn't so imposing and actually had some boundaries I could handle his other personality traits and make it a positive experience for DH. I also want to give DS as good a chance as possible to adjust to new bub so have already told DH what I think will work - I work in counselling in bonding and attachment and have previously worked obstetrics and paediatrics - now with trauma - so I know the theory and have done lots of reading and checked out lots of ideas on huggies too. DH, DS and I will be the only ones to see bub on the day it arrives. FIL is the easiest for DS to stay with but I have said that I would prefer my fam come over and stay @ ours if FIL isnt going to respect our wishes. I've also said DH should pick DS up from wherever so there is no chance that anyone else gets to fuss over bub in front of DS before he has a chance to meet it and figure it out a little. The next day DS will introduce fam and friends to new bub but people are to say hi and talk to DS before new bub. And when we go home (hopefully quickly again) we will have our 1st day home with no visitors. This is the most un-ideal part for my fam who live 1.5hrs away but I know they will be fine with it - so FIL who lives 5 mins across town will just have to deal with it.
This time I am standing my ground as I have seen the consequences of not doing so with DS. Please have the strength to stand up for urself and ur little family - I know its very very hard but it is much easier than getting to point where you dont like them @ all!!!
We also had a part in our birth plan - which is the only reason Ill bother to take one in this time - where we said what we would want to happen if we had a c-section, if bub was sick and needed to be air-lifted to another hospital or if there were complications and I ended up unwell. DH and I both agreed on these as we were both sure that FIL would have been driving by hospital to for days before looking for our car and calling midwives and harrassing them if he saw car etc.
So far DH and I are in agreeance. If this changes though I am definately standing my ground this time - there is no NZ to give me a month off this time!!!
Good luck and I hope ur birth and motherhood are going beatifully!