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Intruding Visitors after C-section. Lock Rss

I feel so sorry for you!!! I got to hold my boy straight after they pulled him out of me, and i said to give the baby to my husband. The best thing about a c-section is you get to watch your husband bond with the newborn, it is so worth watching the beautiful time they shared. After i was wheeled into recovery, they just kept the baby right beside me the whole time. I didn't enjoy the visitors straight after either and when i have my second c-section in about 2 weeks, I am refusing visitors except for my mum and kids for the first 24 hrs, just so I can recover. The midwives will look after you and they can take all the blame saying "it is a regulation that no one hold the baby unless in the presence of it's mother.", so you don't feel that she will blame you.....good luck


Hi there

My first was born by scheduled C-section. Being the first grand child, my ENTIRE family was planning on being at the hospital, which stressed me out no end because like you, I didn't want people holding the baby until I had a decent chance to. I told them in no uncertain terms they were not to leave home until they got a phone call and thankfully they respected our wishes. My husband called them after I came out of recovery.

My sister has experienced something similar to you - her MIL was planning on being in the delivery room with her. Everytime she raised it with her boyfriend, it caused a fight, because he didn't see a problem. My nephew was born by emergency C-Section. While her boyfriend was out of the room, she told the midwives about the issue with the family and they effectively played 'guard', they also told the nurses in the NICU, who did not allow anyone see the baby without my sister or her boyfriend present.

You should find the midwives are very good at sticking up for YOUR rights and wishes.

Hope this helps.
I really feel for you, my ex Mother In Law was exactly the same, hence she is now the ex. SHe showed up as soon as I went into labour and wouldn't leave, she was most put out when I banned her from coming to hospital the night I had a caesarean, and then wrote my son a note saying she "had to be so careful as your Mother was watching" for his time capsule....
The beauty of an elective caesar is that only you and your support person are allowed in the theatre and they seem to be very keen to have skin to skin asap for Mum and Baby so either you or your husband will be number 1 to hold your baby.
If your MIL decides to stop talking to you, SHE is missing out, not you, and if she is staying at your house I would take my time getting discharged from hospital...usually you have around 4 days after a c section, and she will be on her way home shortly after that wink
Good luck for the 4th, I am booked in for the same day smile

I had really intrusive visitors after DD was born, it was awful- even though I was knackered from the birth and having blood transfusions. So I definitely think you are right in not wanting MIL there!

Just be aware that you might have to be quite pushy. We had asked the MWs at the hospital to not let visitors in and we had a sign on the door but they were too busy so we had people coming and going all day long regardless. Make sure hubby knows what you guys want and that he stands up for this, in case you aren't in the position to be able to!
Hey there!
I've had 3 c-sections with the first being an emergency. In most cases you are awake during a c-section, emergency or not. The only time you won't be is if you have to have a general anesthetic. With a normal c-section, baby is placed on your chest so you are first to hold him/her and they try to have you b/feeding whilst they are stitching you up.
My first c-section, I stated family only on the first day but I forgot to ask friends to call first about visiting and on the 2nd day I had about 18 visitors within 1 1/2 hrs with up to 10 in the room at times - some just turned up or called from the car saying they were on their way.
If you don't need your family to look after anything for you, I would tell them the date has been changed (maybe you have to go in a day earlier and then c-section is pushed back - happened to me as there was an emergency come through when I had my 3rd) and you will call when baby arrives.
Your MIL may just be excited, is it her 3rd grandchild? Mine was a nightmare leading up to my birth and said all my in laws would be in the waiting room waiting....I was mortified but she was great when it came to is. And if she told a midwife to f* off, I'm sure that will just get her everywhere with them lol...The midwife is there to look after you and bugger everyone else.
Good luck xx
Hi Alysse,
I too have a pushy mother in law from hell!
My advice is stand up for your self now, if you don't it will bug you for years to come. I would ring the hospital and request they tell your MIL to come back at the visiting time you specify. Or lie about what day your having your C Section!
Most hospitals are understanding, my MIL went and told the nurses she didn't like the visiting hours so could she come anytime and one stupid nurse told her yes! I spoke to the nurses and they were very understanding.
Best of luck with your new bub!
Wow that sounds really tough! Would it almost be worth telling her they've changed the time of your c section to later in the afternoon (or the next day)??? I ended up having an emergency c section with our daughter 8 weeks early. My husband & both sets of our parents waited for 2 days until I was finally well enough to hold her first. Was such an amazing moment, you are absolutely within your rights to fight for it!! Who does she think she is!?
I just read this post and I want to cry in frustration for you. I hope that your situation can be sorted out. In my case we decided no visitors at the hopsital waiting for baby to be born. I felt like I would be thinking of them all there waiting for me to push the baby out. I ended up with emergency caesarean but that's another story.

Luckily our families respected this and my DD was born at 7:23pm. No visitors until next day.
Wow - I can sympathise and I really feel for you. MILs, huh?!? Mine was like that but she passed away last year.

Some good advice here! But you and your man really need to stand up for yourselves because it doesn't end with this - If she's like mine, she'll be interfearing, overly fussy (ie mine went ballistic because there was a plastic bag in the same room as my young son when he wasn't even mobile yet) and full of ideas on how you should be raising your child. Just remember, it's not you with the problem and her behavior and lack of respect for you are really not on.

Good luck! smile
Hi by now ur bub will have arrived and I am not sure whether you are having time to get on here or not but Im hoping that my advice might help if like me you chickened out of standing up for what you know is best for U and ur fam.

Prior to our 1st arriving I had requested that DH set some boudaries with his dad (yep not MIL but FIL) as I was sick of the lack of boundaries and new baby seemed like a non-confrontational way of sorting things out. The background was DH and I had bought the family home from him and he stayed and lived with us for 18months after this. He then treated our house like he treats his daughters - kept the key and lets himself in when he likes, still gets his mail delivered here (this is now almost 6yrs later) doesnt knock or call before he comes just calls out @ the back door as he is opening it. He also is the absolute expert on parenting, mechanics, cooking, cleaning, discipline, electrical stuff, plumbing and building along with other things. And paid experts in these fields do not know as much as him - hubby works in electricity and FIL swears he knows more. So his personality is just slightly frustrating and no conversation is ever equal. He has also integrated himself into my fam. - attending fam. birthdays, dropping into my dad's work (my fam live 1.5hrs away), attending out annual easter holiday and any other fam events that have always just been my parents, siblings and grandparents.

DH didnt want to rock the boat as he and his sister are estranged from his mum and he feels he really only has one parent and the issues continued once DS arrived. I had suggested to DH that no-one know when we go into labour and that we not have visitors until the next day as I wanted to go home early and so wanted to get feeding well est. before then. DH couldnt really see the sense but went along with it until during labour he said he would call and let people know and then we'd not tell them the end result for awhile. When he told FIL I told him he had to tell my fam (they live away so I wanted them to have a chance to meet bub @ the same time - FIL is the type to rub it in that he was the 1st GP to meet & hold bub). Of course DH was so excited he convinced me to let everyone know and have visitors that day - I did keep it until the next lot of visiting hrs though so my fam could be there @ the same time. Our birth involved a lot of intervention but was not a c-section. I went home the next day and my fam cam back over that evening for a quick visit and bought us all dinner - FIL was there for a lot lot longer.

Luckily FIL was going to NZ that weekend so we had a month of repreave before he started doing all the previously mentioned dropping in un-announced and not knocking etc. DS was not the greatest sleeper (still isnt lol) and it took awhile for us to get him to sleep @ all during the day and I really didnt think that I was coping as I was getting cranky with DS - something I never thought I would do. I finally realised that I wasnt cranky with DS I was stressed about getting DS to sleep enough before FIL waltzed in @ the top of his lungs un-invited and woke him up. After I realised this almost 8wks later I promptly sent him a message (made it look like I sent it to everyone) and said we were having bad nights and everyone would need to ring before they came as we could both be sleeping during the day. This fixed it for 2 wks until I overheard him telling my dad that we look well rested so he can stop 'this ridiculous ringing' before he comes. It has now got to the stage where I barely speak to him when he is around and dread him visiting. This is even harder when he looks after DS 2days/wk @ the moment while I work. He has also become the beginning for many disagreements between DH and I and I struggle to find anything positive about him anymore.

This time around I am standing my ground though as I dont want my DH to not have a relationship with his father - even if he isnt ideal he's the only real parent he has. I am sure that if he wasn't so imposing and actually had some boundaries I could handle his other personality traits and make it a positive experience for DH. I also want to give DS as good a chance as possible to adjust to new bub so have already told DH what I think will work - I work in counselling in bonding and attachment and have previously worked obstetrics and paediatrics - now with trauma - so I know the theory and have done lots of reading and checked out lots of ideas on huggies too. DH, DS and I will be the only ones to see bub on the day it arrives. FIL is the easiest for DS to stay with but I have said that I would prefer my fam come over and stay @ ours if FIL isnt going to respect our wishes. I've also said DH should pick DS up from wherever so there is no chance that anyone else gets to fuss over bub in front of DS before he has a chance to meet it and figure it out a little. The next day DS will introduce fam and friends to new bub but people are to say hi and talk to DS before new bub. And when we go home (hopefully quickly again) we will have our 1st day home with no visitors. This is the most un-ideal part for my fam who live 1.5hrs away but I know they will be fine with it - so FIL who lives 5 mins across town will just have to deal with it.

This time I am standing my ground as I have seen the consequences of not doing so with DS. Please have the strength to stand up for urself and ur little family - I know its very very hard but it is much easier than getting to point where you dont like them @ all!!!

We also had a part in our birth plan - which is the only reason Ill bother to take one in this time - where we said what we would want to happen if we had a c-section, if bub was sick and needed to be air-lifted to another hospital or if there were complications and I ended up unwell. DH and I both agreed on these as we were both sure that FIL would have been driving by hospital to for days before looking for our car and calling midwives and harrassing them if he saw car etc.

So far DH and I are in agreeance. If this changes though I am definately standing my ground this time - there is no NZ to give me a month off this time!!!

Good luck and I hope ur birth and motherhood are going beatifully!
WOW Cazmaz - And I thought my FIL was bad - At least he knocks when he pops in unannounced! I think I would have changed the locks ages ago.

I made a point of being the perfect hostess when the in-laws called before they "popped in" but got on with whatever I was doing if they didn't call and didn't offer them a drink etc. Not sure if the message got through though. I was probably just that horrible woman their son married.

Makes me wonder sometimes how such great guys can come from such horrible people.

WOW Cazmaz - And I thought my FIL was bad - At least he knocks when he pops in unannounced! I think I would have changed the locks ages ago.

I made a point of being the perfect hostess when the in-laws called before they "popped in" but got on with whatever I was doing if they didn't call and didn't offer them a drink etc. Not sure if the message got through though. I was probably just that horrible woman their son married.

Makes me wonder sometimes how such great guys can come from such horrible people.

I sometimes wonder if my DH is adopted lol! He is nothing like his parents - if he was, we wouldn't be married thats for sure! My In-laws don't call, they told DH and i quote "WE don't do that" They told us that they would be visiting when ever they felt like it. DH asked them to call to ensure were home, baby is awake etc, now they cry to other family members that they're not welcome and everyone thinks i'm some evil cow!!
Grr in laws!! Im giving my hospital a photo of them next time to ensure they aren't let in!
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