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feeling cheated Lock Rss

Hi
I have a 2yr old son. I was 35week when i had to have a c-section due to pre eclampsia. Now all my friends are having babys and their pregnancys went well and they went into labour. Each time i hear they had a good labour i feel cheated because i didnt get to go through labour. I feel down and disappointed.
Does anyone else feel like this or isit just me?
I don't know many people whose birth really went 100% to plan. I was induced, and didn't have a gentle start to labour and all the excitment of realising I was in labour and rushing to the hospital. I was already there and hooked up to a drip. I was a bit let down by the experience as I did nothing on my birth plan.

But the outcome was a healthy happy baby and that is a fantastic thing. I still look at my DD running around and think 'wow, I grew her from scratch in my belly!'. That's a pretty amazing thing to do and regardless of how she came out, she still came out of me.




I can understand the way you feel. I didnt like hearing about others "wonderful labour" experiences either.
I went through a natural labour, and it was horrible, I ended up with 3rd degree tearing, the placenta didnt come away easily, I was left with alot of internal scarring, the doctor who stitched me up, apparently didnt do it right so I ended up staying in hospital because I couldnt walk, couldnt go to the toilet, I was on high doses of pain relief and antibiotics, the pain relief made me feel zoned out, during that time I did not get a chance to bond with DD, I needed help to feed her (couldnt breastfeed), to nurse her, with everything. It was horrible and on top of all that ended up with PND. I felt let down and disappointed by the whole birthing experience, because it was the worst experience I have ever had. But I did eventually heal and I have a wonderful healthy little girl, suppose just got to take the bad with the good.
With my first i felt cheated because i had a long labour 38 hours and i ended up having a c-section. I felt like i went threw a long labour and was cheated out of pushing him out. Now i think i got my little boy he almost 3 it doesn't matter how he was born. With my 2nd i knew the i couldn't go threw another long labour then told i had to have a c-section. So i had the c-section and he healthy and happy. And we planning to have another baby in 2 years and i have a c-section.

Maybe you can sit down with someone and talk about how you feel. Or you can write down how you feel and hopefully it help you deal with it and if you have another baby you may get the labour you wanted.
Not everyone gets the labour they want but in the end having your little baby in your arms is best thing, doesn't matter how it born.




I had my son at 34w and although was vaginal - it was very rapid, ended up with forceps, 3rd degree tear with some permanent nerve damage, unable to walk for 1-2 days, wound infection and lots of difficulties afterwards.

I still feel cheated on many fronts - that I was unable to enjoy even a couple of weeks at home by myself to prepare for baby's arrival, that I got to experience an 'unmonitored' birth without a room full of people & hooked up to machines, that I got to hold and care for my baby afterwards, and that I had the bad luck to experience a number of post-natal complications. I ended up with PND too.

It was hard (but slowly getting easier) to hear & read the wonderful birth stories that are out there, and while being happy for friends & family who had great births and great recoveries, there is always some sadness that I didn't get to experience the same. I found that talking to others who were also let down by the birth process helped - and it made me realise that there are many, many of us out there!
i know how u feel.
i got to labour for 18hours tho.
but didnt get to push my boy out and i had a really hard labour and was awake during the c-section which was terrifing.
i feel cheated because i didnt get to experience a natural birth. but i know it was safer to have a c-section in the end because i was getting really sik..high temp and heart rate and wasnt progressing at all.
i feel like after the birth was worse than not having a natural birth tho because i couldnt move for ages after and couldnt pik my baby up when he was crying or even latch him on to the breast.

my boy is now 4weeks old and im starting to feel better about it all now but the last few weeks have been hard.
it will get easier and u just need to concentrate on ur beautiful little baby! smile
blink i was induced with my first daughter ten days early because of pre-eclampsia. I was disappointed at the time because i wanted to experience the whole natural labour thing. However,I ended up having a difficult delivery with her as she had shoulder dystocia. i had a three degree tear and she ended up with erbs palsy. Spent years doing physio, and the first few months of her life were spent at various hospitals trying to figure out how much damage was done so that a prognosis could be given....childrens hospitals are a real eye opener. I saw some really ill children there, which made me appreciate my humble situation even more.
Family wanted to sue the doctor etc... but doctors are only human - they are not God (although some think they are!). And what is meant to be will be so I count my blessings for having a healthy daughter (whose arm has grown with her and has not hindered her growth in any way.)
Me too... had a looooong labour only to end up with emergency c-section, horrible complications, on operating table for hours, couldn't hold bubs (was the last person to hold her after husband and mother), couldn't get out of bed for weeks... can't have babies vaginally, only via c-section. So even in the future can't experience it. But from what I read here and on other pages it can suck whichever way you go, and there are so many more people who have traumatic births that we don't hear about. Bubs is now 6months and I am actually ok with it all... took a long time. There is certainly no 'right' way to having a baby. Don't feel cheated, you did it, you have a beautiful little one who came into this world, who cares how!
I hate the presumption all goes well - when people make comments to me about 'pushing it out' I kind of like seeing the look on their face when I answer (very off-hand) 'Oh I didn't'. They never know what to say!
I felt cheated with my first, because I was induced and didn't get to go into labour spontaneously, but at least she was a vaginal birth.
Then with my second, I went into labour spontaneously, but ended up with an emergency c section, which I didn't know how much I didn't want one until I had one.
Fast forward to baby three and I can tell you, it all went exactly to plan and I got exactly what I wanted, which was spontaneous labour on my due date, and a vaginal birth with no intervention at all!
I had to wait, but I got my perfect experience smile
You have a right to feel cheated, because the onlyt thing that matters is how you feel about your experience smile
Try chatting with someone about how you feel, and next time make your feelings known about it, and shop around to get someone who will let you go vaginal birth (VBAC) because it is definitely a better experience, even though the recovery can actually be longer sometimes smile

I have a 2.5yr old and a 6month old and I certainly didn't feel cheated with either of them being born via c-sections. I was relieved that they were both born healthy.
After having an awful first birth induction and labour totalling 40hours and then bleeding and hamorraging from the natural birth I love c-sections, I had a planned c-section with my second child and it was a quick recovery, if I have a third I will have another elective c-section as well, sometimes you have to realise that your body can't birth naturally, I use to feel a little cheated cause everyone else would go on about there natural births and how great they where etc.. etc.. but at the end of the day I just wanted my baby alive and well and really that's all you should want don't feel cheated it's not worth it!!

I can understand your disapointment. But saying that I had a planned c section with my daughter and I didn't feel cheated at all. All I wanted was a healthy baby and healthy Mum. She was born early as she had stopped growing and she was breech. She ended up being born with hip dysplaysia (sp). She went straight to special care after being born and was in special care for 4 days the first time I got to hold her was the next day. But all I could think about was do what you need to do for her. We have the rest of our life together to bond.

With the boys I went into labour but with the bad pregnancy that I had they would not let me have them natutally with all the issues with them. It was an emergancy c section. Again they were taken directly to special care and I didn't even see them till much later that day when I got up and was unable to hold them till the next day also.

My focus was on them and what was best for them not for me.

I think too may people focus on the birth and not the baby and what you get. You have the rest of your life to spend with your kids and you make it what you want to make it. The birth is such a small part of it.

Enjoy your little one and be so thankful that you are all well and have the rest of your life to enjoy eachother.


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