I didn't get to hold my baby

I didn't get to hold my baby on the day she was born because of intruding in-laws.
My baby is now nine months old and I am still devastated. I had requested that family give me a little bit of space after the birth, unlike the birth of my previous daughter which had felt like a three ring circus. All I wanted was to be able to hold and bond with my baby in private with my hubby.
I had a planned c-section which turned out to be extremely stressful and I expected that my supposed "family" would respect my wishes and keep a respectful distance until I was ready for visitors. (They had already been with my baby for an HOUR while I was in recovery!) Instead they barged into my ward and stayed for HOURS. No one even offered to pass me the baby. When the anaesthetic wore off I was in a great deal of pain which I suffered through all night. I finally got to hold my daughter the next day.
I have so much anger in me still after all this time, I actually feel like I need to speak to a counseller or something to get past it.

Any comments or advice would be appreciated. I can't even make eye contact with my in-laws without reliving the whole hellish experience.

I didn't get to hold my baby on the day she was born because of intruding in-laws.
My baby is now nine months old and I am still devastated. I had requested that family give me a little bit of space after the birth, unlike the birth of my previous daughter which had felt like a three ring circus. All I wanted was to be able to hold and bond with my baby in private with my hubby.
I had a planned c-section which turned out to be extremely stressful and I expected that my supposed "family" would respect my wishes and keep a respectful distance until I was ready for visitors. (They had already been with my baby for an HOUR while I was in recovery!) Instead they barged into my ward and stayed for HOURS. No one even offered to pass me the baby. When the anaesthetic wore off I was in a great deal of pain which I suffered through all night. I finally got to hold my daughter the next day.
I have so much anger in me still after all this time, I actually feel like I need to speak to a counseller or something to get past it.

Any comments or advice would be appreciated. I can't even make eye contact with my in-laws without reliving the whole hellish experience.

I'm sorry this happened to you and would definitely recommend counselling because it sounds like this is really affecting you in a bad way. You dont want to keep feeling like this, you should be enjoying your baby, not holding onto something that you cannot change.

I'm sorry this happened to you and would definitely recommend counselling because it sounds like this is really affecting you in a bad way. You dont want to keep feeling like this, you should be enjoying your baby, not holding onto something that you cannot change.

I agree with HH ^^

I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I would be really pi$$ed also if this was me. It sounds like you need to get it off your chest though- are you able to speak to your family about it without ripping their heads off?? Perhaps if you were able to tell them how you feel it might allow you to move past it. I think people forget about mum & dad bonding with baby & are just so excited to meet the baby the excitment takes over. 9mths is a long time to be hanging onto this anger though I hope you can find a way to get past it.

I've had 2 c-sections and both times my FIL came in first but both times he didn't hold the baby until i handed them over. I agree with you that they should of waited and repected your wishes but most people get so excited about the baby they forget. Plus the first weekend i said no to vistors so my oldest son could have some bonding time with his brother and get use to his brother. My vistors didn't come in straight away since i said to them wait to hear from hubby and he says if i ready or not.
When you have the next baby say to the nurses i don't want any vistors apart from your partner and your DD have been and you had some bonding time.
If you speak honestly with your inlaws say to them that you felt happy to see them but it upset you that no-one gave the baby to you so you could have the bonding time you needed. If you can't speak to them write a letter to them but don't send it, say how you feel and put it somewhere that only you know where it is.
Because if you don't tell them how you feel it just get worse.

Thankyou for the responses, it is reassuring. I might add that the reason I am holding on to the anger is that this is just the latest in a stream of intrusive and completely thoughtless behaviour toward me by my husbands family.
Another incident I am still angry about is when during a visit to their home my mother in law waited til I was distracted then "took" my daughter in the pram to the neighbours without even telling me. I turned around and the pram suddenly wasn't there. I walked thru the house, thinking someone had her, there was no one around. Next thing I knew I was running thru the house, the yard, then up and down the street in a total panic. Then after about 15 minutes my mother in law comes up the path, pushing the pram, humming away like a twit (which she is).
When she saw that I was upset and worried she just said in her hoity toity way, "well there was nothing to worry about". She did not even apologise for the fact that she had needlessly worried me. Who on EARTH takes a 4 month old baby away from it's mother without telling her???? It happened so quickly it was obvious that she purposely waited til I was distracted with something momentarily, then snatched her, or I should say kidnapped.

Sounds like the outlaws from hell.
I don't suppose moving to another country is an option???

I had 2 c-sections too and I made it clear to all that no-one other than DH was to hold the baby until I had and had a chance to b/feed. Luckily they all respected that, but the outlaws totally ignored our request to wait for a phone call before coming to the hospital and were in the waiting room before I even got to theatre. With baby 2 my FIL copped and eyefull as I was b/feeding as I was wheeled back to my room smile

I think you need to make you DH aware of how much they are affecting you and insist that he speaks to them about it.

Good Luck smile

sorry but could your hubby not just stand up to them and tell them to back off instead of having to go to the effort of changing dates etc. If he doesn't this will go on forever.

They were asked to back off for baby number two. I requested they give me a day or two grace because I was having a planned c-section and was very anxious about it.

Instead, they were in the waiting room before I went into theatre, they held the baby before me and they followed my trolley into the ward and stayed for hours. THEN they made their way to my home where they stayed for the duration of my hospital stay EVEN THOUGH I had made it clear I was not comfortable with people staying in the house when I wasn't there.

To add insult to injury, when my husband picked me up from the hospital THEY CAME ASWELL and upon arriving home I realised to my horror they they intended to STAY EVEN LONGER. I became hysterical when I found myself cleaning up the mess they had left in the kitchen before I could attend to the baby's bottles.

When I type this out and re-read it I can feel the anger welling up in me again.

I had 2 c-sections too and I made it clear to all that no-one other than DH was to hold the baby until I had and had a chance to b/feed. Luckily they all respected that, but the outlaws totally ignored our request to wait for a phone call before coming to the hospital and were in the waiting room before I even got to theatre. With baby 2 my FIL copped and eyefull as I was b/feeding as I was wheeled back to my room smile

I think you need to make you DH aware of how much they are affecting you and insist that he speaks to them about it.

Good Luck smile

Yes, my parents in-law were in the waiting room before I even got to theatre, even though they'd been asked to respect my privacy.
The reason I asked for privacy was because with baby number one they also gatecrashed the whole event, seeing and holding the baby before me (after an emergency caesarian) and then not even having the decency to give me some privacy when I had to breastfeed.

For baby number two I thought I had asked for no intrusions and they chose to completely disregard me. In fact their interference was much worse the second time around.

I'm sorry this happened to you and would definitely recommend counselling because it sounds like this is really affecting you in a bad way. You dont want to keep feeling like this, you should be enjoying your baby, not holding onto something that you cannot change.

The saddest part for me is that is really is something I cannot change. I will never be able to get that most intimate moment of my life back again, and I feel like it was stolen from me. I feel completely walked on.


I would have loved to bring my baby home to the quietness and peace of my own home without intrusions. It *would* have been the happiest moment of my life.

Thankyou for the responses, it is reassuring. I might add that the reason I am holding on to the anger is that this is just the latest in a stream of intrusive and completely thoughtless behaviour toward me by my husbands family.
Another incident I am still angry about is when during a visit to their home my mother in law waited til I was distracted then "took" my daughter in the pram to the neighbours without even telling me. I turned around and the pram suddenly wasn't there. I walked thru the house, thinking someone had her, there was no one around. Next thing I knew I was running thru the house, the yard, then up and down the street in a total panic. Then after about 15 minutes my mother in law comes up the path, pushing the pram, humming away like a twit (which she is).
When she saw that I was upset and worried she just said in her hoity toity way, "well there was nothing to worry about". She did not even apologise for the fact that she had needlessly worried me. Who on EARTH takes a 4 month old baby away from it's mother without telling her???? It happened so quickly it was obvious that she purposely waited til I was distracted with something momentarily, then snatched her, or I should say kidnapped.

In any case, in the event of another baby my husband has suggested we tell them the wrong date, then pretend we had an emergency caesar so they don't get a chance to intrude.

My grandma on mums side did something similar to this. DF and I were staying there overnight as she lives in qld, and we in nsw so we were doing a trip round visiting family. Was November last year, DS was 8 months. We had made up his morning bottle the night before and put it in the fridge. And put him to sleep in the room. We slept in a different room. When we woke up he was gone. His security teddy he takes EVERYWHERE was on the ground. His bottle still in the fridge. Dishes half done, hot water in the sink still. Front door left open. Her mobile on the coffee table. His stash of nappies untouched. We panicked. We kept as calm as possible and just started packing our bags. We used the car being packed as a deadline to call the police.
It was nearly an hour later (were sterilizing bottles and stuff as well) and car was packed. I was shaking and trying to not cry as much as possible. DF was putting shoes on and I was brushing my teeth, when suddenly I heard DS screaming. I ran outside and saw my grandma carrying him from a neighbours house across the road, pleasantly waving goodbye to the neighbours. I went to the sink and spat out my toothpaste and waited for her. Trying to calm down. She came in and carried him to me and says "Hey Flynn(ds), did you tell mummy we went for a walk?" I respond "no one told me you were taking him anywhere. I was sick with worry. We were about to call the police." And I get "Oh Jessica! Don't be stupid". I frigin lost it. Accused her of kidnapping and stuff. She called me a spoilt brat and we left. She then rang my mum and complained about me. Mum rang and got my side of the story. It's been just over a year and I've not spoken to my grandma since. Probably not overly mature from my end. I'm just not ready to forgive.