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I didn't get to hold my baby Lock Rss

im lucky that when i had my last ceaser people did stay away and when they did come to visit they didnt stay for long, it was awesome, bonded with bub perfectly! . my first was similar to you though, my MIL came down from where she lived and had my son 70% of the time, if i said something to my partner he would have gotten bub off her but i felt like crap for saying anything so sat in my bed fuming for four 4days. i really believe that has something to do with my problems bonding with him at the start.. anyway..
if you and your hubby dont say anything it sounds like they will continue this behaviour in other aspects of your life too, you need your space and you deserve it. i wouldnt be hiding the date from them, i would be demanding they stay away!
goodluck x

My grandma on mums side did something similar to this. DF and I were staying there overnight as she lives in qld, and we in nsw so we were doing a trip round visiting family. Was November last year, DS was 8 months. We had made up his morning bottle the night before and put it in the fridge. And put him to sleep in the room. We slept in a different room. When we woke up he was gone. His security teddy he takes EVERYWHERE was on the ground. His bottle still in the fridge. Dishes half done, hot water in the sink still. Front door left open. Her mobile on the coffee table. His stash of nappies untouched. We panicked. We kept as calm as possible and just started packing our bags. We used the car being packed as a deadline to call the police.
It was nearly an hour later (were sterilizing bottles and stuff as well) and car was packed. I was shaking and trying to not cry as much as possible. DF was putting shoes on and I was brushing my teeth, when suddenly I heard DS screaming. I ran outside and saw my grandma carrying him from a neighbours house across the road, pleasantly waving goodbye to the neighbours. I went to the sink and spat out my toothpaste and waited for her. Trying to calm down. She came in and carried him to me and says "Hey Flynn(ds), did you tell mummy we went for a walk?" I respond "no one told me you were taking him anywhere. I was sick with worry. We were about to call the police." And I get "Oh Jessica! Don't be stupid". I frigin lost it. Accused her of kidnapping and stuff. She called me a spoilt brat and we left. She then rang my mum and complained about me. Mum rang and got my side of the story. It's been just over a year and I've not spoken to my grandma since. Probably not overly mature from my end. I'm just not ready to forgive.


I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's one thing to be thoughtless, but how can people be so arrogant as to deny that you have any right to be upset????

im lucky that when i had my last ceaser people did stay away and when they did come to visit they didnt stay for long, it was awesome, bonded with bub perfectly! . my first was similar to you though, my MIL came down from where she lived and had my son 70% of the time, if i said something to my partner he would have gotten bub off her but i felt like crap for saying anything so sat in my bed fuming for four 4days. i really believe that has something to do with my problems bonding with him at the start.. anyway..
if you and your hubby dont say anything it sounds like they will continue this behaviour in other aspects of your life too, you need your space and you deserve it. i wouldnt be hiding the date from them, i would be demanding they stay away!
goodluck x


I did request they stay away. They chose to ignore that. As result I have never, any will never experience the intimacy of holding my baby in those first moments, for as long as I wanted, in private, until I was ready to hand the baby over. Doesn't everyone deserve that?. I might add that my partner and I really needed that time to build up a bit of intimacy and trust between us. That time was for us and us alone.
12 months later and I still feel the same rage when I remember the way they intruded and behaved when I had my daughter, even after I requested privacy. The sense of violation and betrayal of my rights as a human to experience the most intimate moment of my life without unwelcome interference is still with me. I am still SO ANGRY.
Im so sorry that happend to you. I would have given them a ear bashing thats for sure, but I can understand in the moment your just so tired. I hope you get some help for this, cause you dont want to think of that sad moment when you look at your baby.

I have in-laws from hell too so im totaly with you. Im sure my MIL would have been exactly the same if she was there. (she had to have major surgery 8 hours away the day before my c-section. She still gives me hell about how I take care of my son. At 2 months he was feeding every 3 hours on the dot and was putting on 600g a week but because he cried as he was being put off to sleep (even if only 10 minutes after a bottle) then he is hungry and Im a bad mother because im starving him, and she "knows better cause she has had 3 children and she would take better care of him then i do". Ive been living through this hell for nearly 5 years.

As bad as it sounds when she starts being a cow while we are at their house I tell my fiancee its time to leave and we go home. When she "acts" nice we stay longer. I think after nearly 7 months of this she is learning that when she is rude, demeaning or tells me that im a bad mother we go home and she dosnt get anymore time with MY son.

I think people like this forget they are the grand-parents and we are the parents!
Yep! They've had their kids, so butt out and let us have ours. Especially when we've gone through hell to bring them into this world.
I'm sorry about what you have had to put up with and can totally understand how you would feel but i have to ask..where is your husband in all of this?? why doesn't he say something to HIS family? Why isn't he standing up for you and what you wanted?

My partner would have and has stood up for me on many occasions, he wouldn't put up with this stuff from HIS family, so why is your husband not doing the same for you?

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