Hi there,

This seems like a pretty supportive and informative place to share, so here it goes...sorry if it's TMI, but I just need to get these thoughts out.

My husband and I decided to try for a baby after being married for two years, and got pregnant three months after I went off the pill. I had a great pregnancy with minimal problems (I actually loved being pregnant!) but then had a pretty crazy and traumatic birth experience. Basically, I started having contractions on Sunday 20 October, was admitted to hospital on Tuesday, and my daughter was finally born by emergency c-section on Wednesday 23 October at 2:45pm. My labour wasn't progressing well in all that time, despite being on pitocin. When they finally got me into theatre and opened me up, they found baby stuck like a cork in my pelvis and had to do a very rare procedure called a breach extraction, where they had to pull her out by her legs rather than scoop up her head. The surgeon who opened me up almost had to cut vertically up my belly to my ribs to get baby's feet, as she wasn't physically strong enough to get in there and pull, but fortunately when they pressed the emergency bell, the head of obstetrics (a big strong guy) was available and was able to get baby out. It was only the second time in his career of over 20 years that he'd ever had to do a breach extraction, and the first time that the initial surgeon had ever seen one done. During this time, I also lost over 3 litres of blood.

I was pretty shell shocked by all of this, and horrified to learn that it might not be safe for me to have another baby, due to the damage from all the manipulation they needed to do to get baby out. I've been told that I must not get pregnant again for at least two years.

Now, I'm so scared to get pregnant again because it could put my life at risk. On one hand, I'm okay with this because my daughter needs a mother more than she needs a sibling, and after that super scary birth, I don't know if I even want to go through it again. But on the other hand, I always dreamed of having two kids, and I love babies so much that sometimes it makes me sad to look at my daughter and know that this might be my only shot to have a little baby in my life. Plus, I loved pregnancy so much!

I know that I need to prioritize the needs of the very real baby in my life ahead of future possible babies. But in some ways, I'm really angry about everything that happened and feel like something has been stolen from me.

I feel like the early weeks with my daughter were stolen from me because I was so traumatized. I also got a severe bladder infection a few days after, which almost put me in ICU...this combined with the blood loss basically zapped my milk supply, and baby's health was being seriously effected by dehydration and malnutrition, so I had to choose between persisting on breastfeeding or giving my starving baby formula. That was a huge blow to me. It was explained to me by the doctors that my body's physiology was so focused on fighting infection and replacing blood that milk production was falling by the wayside, but still, I felt so bad about not being able to exclusively breastfeed.

I feel like a piece of my future has been stolen from me as well, since I might never experience another pregnancy and the arrival of another child.

Wow, that was a bit long-winded...if you took time to read it, thank you! Has anyone else been through something like this? I'm totally in love with my little daughter, who's going to be 7 months old this week!