What is a good age gap?

I am thinking of having a second child and was wondering what a good age gap is. I was thinking about 2-3 yr gap. I am interested in hearing what other mums think, as I have friends who have a 2 yr gap and they say its a hard time with them. And a couple say 3yr gap is to far as you get out of the swing of things (nappies and night waking) Anyone have any ideas? I would appreciate any info you are wanting to tell me. And how do you handle 2 kiddies?

Hi Letitia,

I seem to be replying to a lot of your posts... hope you don't mind?

Well here is my opinion...

I have a 15 month old daughter and am almost 20 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. I always wanted to have my children close together in the hope that they would form a close bond. I asked lots of people for their advice before we tried to conceive number 2 and the best advice I got was this... if you have a second baby when your first is still a toddler you are already in that Baby Mode... nappies, bottles etc. If you leave it longer you are out of that Mode and have to start all over again.

I don't expect it to be easy having 2 under 2 years, but I am looking forward to it. I am still in that baby frame of mind with my daughter and hope that the next baby will just slot right into our routine. I know that babies have their own routine, I am speaking figuratively.

There is so much else to consider though... 2 in nappies - the costs involved and the extra strain on your family too.

When I was growing up I only ever had one brother, he was 5 years younger than me and we have never bonded or become close. I didn't want that for my children.

Whatever you deceide to do, it has to be what works best for you. My baby boy is due July 30... I'll see how I go after that.

Michelle

Hi Letitia,
I also live in Qld, and have 3 kids. I have a 2 year and 5 month age gap between the first and second and I found that to be an excellent gap. By the time my daughter was born, my son was daytime toilet trained, able to entertain himself for a short time, while I was busy feeding or bathing the baby, and able to get a drink or snack by himself ( I used to keep sipper cups or bottles already made for him, and little containers with snacks in them on a lower shelf in the fridge, so that he could help himself without me having to get up while feeding the baby.)

He was also an excellent help with the baby, getting nappies, or wipes, etc for me. He was also at an age where he understood he needed to be very gentle with his baby sister.

The gap between number 2 and 3, however is 7 1/2 years, which I find also to be good, as the older pair are now at school, and I have lots of quality time with my little man.

Living in Qld, I wouldn't recommend you try to have a baby in summer as my daughter was born in summer, and I found it extremely difficult trying to keep her cool, but that is entirely your decision.

I fell pregnant with no.2, when no.1 was 20 months old. Good luck.
Tracey

Hi,

My second little boy was born just a few months after my first son turned 2. My 2 year old is very energectic and loud but when his little brother was born I could not believe how gentle he is with him, he cant walk past him without kissing and cuddling him and he even goes into baby talk with him like adults do. At times its hard but I imagine that would be the case no matter what the age gap was.
I involve my two year old alot and there has been no signs of jealousy at all. He loves to help me bath him and change his nappy and does little jobs for me, he thinks its great because he is the big boy.
My two year old is toliet trained and I think that makes a big difference too.

I have an 8 1/2 year gap between my daughter and son - I think that's great. I know a lot of people thought we were mad. The down sides were having to buy everything again, having to learn everything again and having people always assume they have different fathers (which they don't). The up sides are that we are more settled, more financially secure, I am now at a stage where I don't miss full time work and seeing the two of them together.

But really any age gap works out fine!!

Thank you to all who have replied to my post. I have a good idea now what I think would be a good age gap. I am thinking about 2 1/2 -3 years. I am hoping my son will be out of nappies first if not most of the time. I would hate to think of the expense of buying nappies for 2. Due to the fact my son was born premmie (5 weeks) and was told it would more than likely happen for number 2 I have to think of all the hospital visits again. I just hope I can cope. Thank you all again.

I have a friend who had 2 girls, the oldest turned 2 a week after the baby was born, and her youngest is now 4 months old and she said it's the best thing ever. Another friend of mine fell pregnant when her baby was 10 months old, and her opinion is that there won't be the jealousy issue. Some people with 2 year olds say that their child is often jealous of the little one to the point that they have to keep the toddler away from the baby at all times.

Hi Amanda
We have 2 daughters with an 8 1/2 year age gap..... I'm reading your post and it is like I have wrote it.
We had our first when I was only 18 y.o, would never change it for the world, and then we had our 2nd.
Having the 2nd with such a big age gap is like having a baby for the first time, you have to learn everything again. I was lucky with the baby gear as my brother had just had a baby a few years ago and so he has leant the cot, change table and everything like that to us.
I think the age gap is good, As Courtney is a BIG help too

HI LSharp

I have currently two girls aged 3 and 4 they are a year but a day apart one is born on 3rd Oct 2000 the other 4th Oct 1999.
I must say that they are like having twins in a way they are bestfriends and stick by one another with everything (they do have their lil tiffs though like any siblings)
For my bodies sake i should have waited. but i wouldnt change things for the world...
I am now on my 3rd pregnancy, and i get concernes that my girls wont be so close to the baby as i hope.... i consider the age barrier .... as i grew up in the same barrier and was left out alot until we all got older...

I THINK TWO YEARS IS A GOOD AGE GAP TO HAVE.......... maybe two and half but 3 JUST MIGHT BE TO FAR.......

Your body will decide though either way just make sure you bond your children closly.... have them involved in any changes that might happen... A NEW BABY IS A BIG STEP FOR THEM TOO.

Thank you to your replies. It is so interesting reading what others think and have done. I am thinking about it really hard. I would like them to get along and to have my son not get jealous of of the new arrival. I guess I will have to wait and see.

In 'practical parenting' mag recently there was an article on this topic, with pros and con for both small and large gaps (mind you the pros for small gaps were better).
A couple of examples were:
If u have the babies close together, than your toddler will occupy the baby, basically by running around and being a toddler, where as an older child would be less interested in the baby and want to do their own thing.
However, having a large gap means you could get the older child to do things like hang the washing while you deal with the baby, where as you cant get a toddler to do that!
Think about scenarios such as these before making your choice.
Personally though, I reckon a 2 1?@ year age gap is good tongue

I'm thinking of maybe a 4 or 5 year age gap but everyone is different and with good support from family and friends and such any age gap that personally suits you is perfect!!
The reason i want such a big gap is that i dont have support from grandparents or anything and also, i grew up as one of 10 then one of 4 (i lived with my grandma most of my childhood and then moved in with my mother who had remarried and had more children) and i always felt lost in the crowd sort of thing so i want to do my best with Neena while she's home with me and then have a second who will get most of my attention while Neena's at school or kinder, i dont know, thats just how i feel at the moment!!
I also want to travel overseas later in the year and feel it will be easier with one and then when Neenas older it will be easier to take two then too, we have all our family overseas. I do family day care so she has children around all the time, but you never know wwhats in store for you and if i fell pregnant tomorrow, i couldn't be happier and more excited!
At the moment, thats just how i feel!
Each to their own..............