they said they cant believe that my baby survived. the bleeding appeared to have stopped, so they became complacant. leaving me in the bed on the monitor all day till a scan at 3pm. csect was next available time, when the theatre was available just after 5. there was no break between my contractions, my uterus was blue with only slight pink mottling visable where placenta was still attached. the blueness was visable even through my skin.
when they examined the placenta, there was a few calcifications behind it, now i started the pregnancy with 4 babies, so they cant tell me if it was those babies grown into the placenta, or from previous bleeds that didnt come out of the cervix.
where the placenta had lifted off, the reason the bleeding stopped is that the blood clotted, at the cervix, and behind the placenta. blocking the flow path. when they cut me open, it started to free flow again, and i vividly remember all the staff jumping back cause it went everywhere. it was like a horror film!
im not sure if they will change their tune but before the csect took place they told me the hospital supports vbac (this was while i was haemorraging) cause i was hysterical cause i didnt want csect, and wanted a 3rd baby, was in our future plans. i had planned a drug free natural labor! couldnt have happened any further from plan! lol
i think my biggest fear is it happening again. both times its me that has suffered. both my girls were virtually unaffected. ill be terrified if my baby ends up in NICU again, like Felicity did. i hated being told i couldnt see her, or touch her. then the hospital stuffed up and gave her another womans breast milk down the naso tube. and amongst all this, i was in a room with 5 beds, and didnt have my baby with me. it was torture!
even though i want another baby, and once this period finishes we will be trying again (after 12mths of hubby saying no way no more kids, he has changed his mind, so i have to take the chance while i have it!) but i just realy dont know if i am prepared for what i may go through.
im also scared ill have trouble bonding, maily due to the fear of what might happen? i had planned for about 2.5-3 yrs before trying again (allowing myself 2 years to achieve a pregnancy) NOT the 12mths its turned out to be! im a little scared.....