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  5. for anyone ttc who has ever felt like this

for anyone ttc who has ever felt like this Lock Rss

So it went exactly like this..

Tonight, sitting at a table of 4 my parents, myself and my partner eating a nice tea together , talking, laughing and sharing stories... the food tasting awesome and me being my usual happy self... then, my partners phone rings. Oddly, I look at him curious as who it is, he looks at me then the phone and asks to be excused. I was a little curious who was ringing at night, as my partner never gets phone calls at that time.
He excused himself outside as my parents and I continued eating dinner..
He came back inside after a short convosation with the unknown person and sat back next to me with an odd look on his face as if something was wrong.
I asked quickly, "well, who was it?" he looked back at me and said "Oh, it was heath " (a best mate of his) I said, "oh and how is he " with a big smile on my face (we are great friends with him and his fiance ) He replied "Tanya is pregnant.....16 weeks..." I almost dropped my food off my fork and my heart sunk.

I went frozen solid.
As if all the life had been sucked out of me and I was in an out of body experience....
Trying to fight back the tears I held in so tightly I replied "Ohh thats great!!"

I am devostated. The rest of the night all i could think about is WHY.


Why, am i jealous when i should be happy for my great friend!!!!
Why, they wernt even trying and fell pregnant.
WHY IT HASNT HAPPENED FOR US, THE COUPLE WHO WANT KIDS SO MUCH AND ARE TTC SO BAD.

I cried in the bathroom tonight and sobbed for a few more hours when my partner was watching tv.

I feel Horrible and cant even explain it.
aww hun sad I have been where your friend tanya is and my friend got jealous when i conceived which i completely understand but we are no longer friends due to the pregnacy she got quite nasty towards me, not saying you will do the same what im trying to say is, its normal but please try and keep the lines of communication open with your friend so it doenst end like me & my GF.....
I know exactly how you are feeling, or at least I think I do.

I made no secret of the fact that I had wanted a baby for years but put it off when we bought our house, then got married as we couldn't afford it and wanted to set ourselves up before starting a family. It was hard when friends and family were announcing their pregnancies and I was placing a self imposed hold on my plans.

But nothing stunned me more than when my little sister announced her unplanned pregnancy. I was absolutely gutted and while I was happy for her I went home and cried myself to sleep. I then spent the next day upset and angry that I was acting that way. Don't get me wrong I was excited at the thought of being an aunty and later got to be at my nephews birth (while I was 4 weeks pregnant unsure ) but I so desperately wanted it for myself that I couldn't help but feel hurt and jealous.

I can't imagine how hard it must be when you are TTC (as we deliberately weren't) but I do sympathise when you are so confused to be happy and jealous at the same time.

Do your friends and family know that you are TTC? If so it was probably hard for them to tell you and not feel quilty and if they didn't - well then they are just living their life. Try and be happy for them at this exciting time in their life and like the PP said, don't let this ruin your friendship.

Best of luck with TTC.
sad Nina, you poor thing. I completely understand how you feel!!!!! I have felt like that lately too, I am not jealous usually but it seems like everyone around me is pregnant or popping out babies lately, except me! My sister is pregnant, announced not long after my m/c and a friend of mine has just told me she's expecting too. And don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy for them, but at the same time it's kind of like 'awww man this sucks!'. Anyway don't get down about it, good things happen to those who wait. I think that is very true. You are very deserving of this baby and before you know it you'll be holding one in your arms! Let's all keep sending each other plenty of baby dust and plenty of support! And best of all, relax and have fun doing it!

smile xoxo

I know how you feel hun. Me and my best mate where pregnant together she was 6 weeks ahead of me! It was so special, until i lost my babies. I love her and i am excited about her pregnancy and do enjoy seeing her US pics etc but OMG it breaks my heart. Coversation has even become dry with her now because it is like we have nothing to talk about anymore. She doesn't want to talk to much about her pregnancy in fear of upsetting me, wich i appreaciate so much that she cares but in the same sense it is killing me that our friendship has dried up some what. I just hope that i am oregnant before she gives birth in 19 weeks time because i know now i will find that very very hard to deal with. But all i can do is be happy for her, and i truley am, and keep trying myself!! It is a long, hard process but in the end we will appreciate our little bundles so much more because we have had to wait so long for them! Things can only get bettr right! Hugs to you babe xox
Hey Nina, totally know how you feel. We have been TTC for 2 years now.... I have watched some people on this forum TTC, fall pregnant, have a baby, wait a while and then TTC and fall pregnant again.... It comes to a point when I even give up looking up dates & ovulation times & testing, and stop reading this forum because my brain (and heart) need a break. But then in my life (especially at work) women seem to be falling pregnant all the time.

Unfortunately women fall pregnant all the time and your friend was one of them. You cant help that, all you can do is wish her the best and support her. She didnt do it deliberately to hurt you.

Looking back I am glad that we never announced that we are TTC as I would keep getting the questions "are you pregnant yet?" or "how is TTC going?" or "whats wrong with you" when I would probably feel like crying. So perhaps your friend didnt announce that they were TTC too?

I know how jealous and upset you can feel, but its your friend, try and support her and be happy for her. Your time will come. How long have you been TTC now?

Thankyou EVERYONE for your supportive replys, each one was so special to me and thankyou for taking the time to share your own experiences with me and I feel so much better having friends on here to support me in such a time were I feel like no one else understands so thankyou to everyone!

Last night, after sobbing in the bathroom ... partner was watching tv and I came out obviously looking as if I were crying....I sat on the couch opposite him and there was no talking. I hated the feeling.
I was trying so hard not to cry any longer but I couldnt help the tears that just ended up being a burst of tears.

My partner was cold, (So NOT like himself, he is ALWAYS nice) and that hurt me even more.

I felt horrible.
Empty.
Used.

Then he came out with "Nina, sometimes i just wish you wernt so caught up on the whole pregnancy thing" and my heart sunk.

I walked into the bedroom chucked all my pregnancy books and info into the back of the cupboard and said I'm done trying so hard.
I cried some more.

The nights sleep was restless and I hated every second of it.
There were no cuddles, no kisses from my partner no fun like we usually have, the bed was cold and empty.

I eventually fell asleep and in the middle of the night, my partner got up came back to bed and cuddled me from behind, whispered in my ear that he loved me and we made love.
Sounds so cliche but its so true.

We were up at 3am talking about it, and he explained that he didnt know what to say to me and thats why he appeared cold.

I told him why It hurt so bad and we both held eachother and everything is now back to normal.

This morning we had a lovely breakfast together, and today were going to spend a sunday together and might even go to the zoo! hehe.
But I still cant denie I feel hurt, but, like you all said, I am going to be happy for my friend, they deserve happiness and so do i...

I guess I'll just wait until the time is right......

Love to all,
Thankyou so much for reading. xxxxxxxxx
You know what hun i will tell you something. When you stop trying (i know that sounds silly because you are trying) that is when it will happen! The desire to want a child becomes so storng that it is all we focus on, it begins to consume us, it's natural! I decided this morning (even though we have hardly been trying) that you know what, yes i want a baby so bad, but i am going to sit back and enjoy myself, enjoy my husband, enjoying making love instead of just having sex, enjoy my life and enjoy all the small things we take for granted. When the time is right it will happen we just need to have faith that when it is right our patience will be rewarded.
Hey Nina, i replied to one of your posts before about this, i know exactly how you feel hun sad i try so hard to be happy for my friends, i mean i am really happy for them , but deep down im devistated too. Especially when they are one of those ppl who just dont give a *** about what im going through. sending you great big hugs xoxo


Hi, I know exactly how u are feeling, my husband and I tried some 11.5 years ago when we found out there was a problem, we were told IVF was our only way, back then it was very expensive, we were young & had been married for 2yrs, paying off our house etc.
We tried to forget about it, let it happen naturally and tried all different things, using higher Zinc, changing what we ate, losing weight, all the things you can think of. I watched friends go through IVF and it had really put me off. My husband would have done it in a heart beat but it is something you really have to be prepared to do.
Some 10 years later with no luck, having friends and family fall pregnant, and having a fantastic neighbour whose daughter was doing IVf and fell while I had been talking to her about her different cycles. I put my fears behind me and decided we had to try it no matter what the expense. We had 6th attempts of IVF and fell on the 6th. Each time we lost a pregnancy, the tears came, the why is it happening to us, was asked. what did we do to deserve having to go through this.
I also worked in retail and seeing young school age girls getting pregnant,thinking it was a big joke, and listening to them say they are only having it for the money and how their parents would raise their children while they went out to party, also did not help my heart break of wanting something so much.
I can also say I know exactly where your partner is coming from, it is hard for them to watch the one they love go through pain and heartbreak of wanting something so much, they find it hard to say what they feel without worrying that they will say the wrong thing or the wrong way. I don't think he meant anything by it but was probably just as upset as you, also probably worried about how to tell you, knowing how you would feel and your reaction. Just make sure you both keep that communication doorway open because you will need to talk especially when your friends have the baby.
You both need to know what each other is thinking and feeling. I know it is hard and after 11.5years of trying I now have a beautiful 5.5month old little boy, I would not have changed anything in the last 18-24months. Just keep thinking positive, both go and talk to your doctor. Talk to your friends let them know how you are feeling. We also had friends who did IVF unsuccessfuly 3 times, gave up got on with life, then went to a Naturalpath they are now 5weeks pregnant. Just remember to be positive, it will happen for you and your partner and it usually happens when you lest expect it. Good luck to you both.


I also worked in retail and seeing young school age girls getting pregnant,thinking it was a big joke, they are only having it for the money and how their parents would raise their children while they went out to party, also did not help my heart break of wanting something so much.


WOW thats a pretty big genralisation!

Please dont tar all young mothers with the same brush....

I am a 'Young mum' (22) to a 3yr old & 6month old who were very much PLANNED *gasp* gasp shock horror!
We were trying to conceive our son for 14months before we fell

My partner & I live in Perth and have NO family in this state at all from either side so no help or support, I cant remember the last time i went out and "partyied" and my children have never spent a night away from us.

I certanley did not have my babes for handouts either...infact even though we are entitled to a very small amount of centerlink assistance we dont take it, the amount is not worth having them in our lives as i cant be bothered dealing with centerlink and my partner earns a very good high wage so it is not needed anyhow.

My children do not go without,are well dressed & cared for and im sure i do as good a job as any middle aged mother if not better!

You know what hun i will tell you something. When you stop trying (i know that sounds silly because you are trying) that is when it will happen! The desire to want a child becomes so storng that it is all we focus on, it begins to consume us, it's natural! I decided this morning (even though we have hardly been trying) that you know what, yes i want a baby so bad, but i am going to sit back and enjoy myself, enjoy my husband, enjoying making love instead of just having sex, enjoy my life and enjoy all the small things we take for granted. When the time is right it will happen we just need to have faith that when it is right our patience will be rewarded.

^^^^ This is sooo true!

sending you lotsa dust!!! wub
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