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Only Children Rss

Hi

My partner and I had our little boy in July. My partner has always said he only wants one so in his words we 'can spoil him rotten' but since I always previously wanted two kids he said we could have two.

I myself am now leaning to only having one and would like to hear any experiences good and bad people know of only children.

Now Ryan is here I just feel so contented with just the three of us (my partner, me and bub). I am scared that if we have another I won't have enough time, affection and love to go around and I don't want Ryan missing out on anything. Also from a financial point of view we would like to be able to give Ryan the best of everything.

Has anyone else ever felt like this ??

Thanks,
Jo

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

well, i can give you my experience as an only child. My parents had me quite young, but just after they had me, my mother got cancer and couldn't have any more kids (she recovered). They always gave me as much as they could, but I was in no way spoilt I think. But I could do stuff, like join clubs, take up hobbies and musical instruments and things like that, that my friends couldn't because they had siblings. ON the other hand, I always wanted a brother or sister and used to dream about it as a kid. So really, there are advantages and disadvantages to any family grouping, no more so to being an only child!
Hi Jo,

I always wanted lots of kids but as soon as I got pregnant with number 2, I was really nervous about how I could possibly love another child as much as I loved my first son. I felt really guilty and wondered how I would spend enough time with my second born and also still meet the needs of my first born.

However, as soon as I gave birth to my second son, all my fears and worries completely went away. I love my second son as much as it is possible to love another human being, exactly how I love my first son.

It is hard to juggle things sometimes, but my first son absolutely adores his little brother and there is no jealousy there at all. This may change over time but I still think that in the end they will be great mates.

I would love another child, but as both of my kids are via IVF, it is only going to be possible if the finances can stretch that far. If I could afford it and if I had a big enough house, I would have loads of kids as I love them so much.

However, whether you have one child or ten, the main thing is that it is right for your family and that you are happy with your decision. No one can tell you what is right or wrong. I think what you need to do is compile a pros and cons list of having another child and then weigh up what is really important to you.

Hope this helps. I guess what I am really trying to say is that don't put off having another child because you don't think that you could love it as much as you will be surprised how much you will love another baby as soon as you set eyes on it.

Good luck with your decision.

Yvette
Hi guys

Thanks for your thoughts and replies. I just actually read your post Yvette 'Nervous about No. 2' and hearing everyone elses thoughts and experiences as well has put my mind at rest.

Was a little worried I may have been pregnant again earlier in the week ... I don't seem to be but it has made me think more about the possibility of 2 children and I think I really would love a second somewhere down the track. Reading how much you guys all love your second child just as much as your first makes me realise I shouldn't worry about not having enough love for two. After all if it really was the case that you only had enough love for one, so many people wouldn't be going back to have more.

In fact I think I am going to try and convince my partner that we start thinking about trying for another early-mid next year. Ryan is such a placid bub who has already given us so much joy I am pretty confident I won't have to worry about too much convincing smile

Thanks again,
Jo

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Hi Jo,

Good luck with your decision. I really respect anyone's decision no matter what it is so for those parents who decide that one is enough, good on them. However, my own feelings are that children are such a joy and selfish me wants as much joy in my life as possible!

I know that it may be hard to realise that another child can be loved as much as the first but trust me, it just isn't an issue as soon as you meet your baby. My concerns just didn't even surface and I find that I can love my first son and pay him heaps of attention still and still have energy for my second son. And my oldest ADORES his little brother as well!

Good luck with what you decide. Wishing you all the best and enjoy this time you have with Ryan as well - it is the most amazing time of your life!

Yvette
i have 3 sons but a neice is an only child . she is too old for her age around adults much of the time but seems to cope well. my mil was an only child, her little brother was hit & killed by a car at 2. my mil saiys she was so lonely growing up. but saw her cousins a lot but its not the same, my hubby says mour neice is nerdy, she is not allowed to do too much unless its educational. one day my boys watching a barney video. and my brother in law told his alex likes these dinosaurs. he was too scared to tell his wife it was barney! . i think its importnant to have lots of contact with other kids. my siste is a single mum & her son is 5 at times he is very good with his cousins other times he has no idea how to interact, why does your partner want to spoil your son rotten? i feel there are too many kids who hsve too much whether they are only children or not. kids with no respect for any thing as they get every the wish for and more

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Hi vkw

I agree with you 100%! I know people who have spoiled their two rotten and they are paying for it now! I agree, no matter if you have one or ten you can spoil them too much ... and I have been trying to get my partner out of the mind-set of 'spoiling' Ryan rotten. I don't want him to go without either but you need to be careful you don't overdo it and teach them to appreciate and respect all they are given.

Jo

BTW My thought of one child lasted about a week I think ... I def want two, now its just a matter of convincing the other half

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Hi Jo,

You sound just like me. All through my 20's I wanted 4 kids, Why? I don't know... Then hubby and I decided that 2 is a good number.

Then we found out we were having twins and got our instant family, but lost our little girl and now we are blessed with a little boy whom I love more than words can explain and like you I feel contented with just the three of us.

We have spoken about not having anymore kids so that we can give Luke a better life and better start to adulthood. We have even opened a bank account and he has even more money then me.

I too worry about not being able to give enough love and effection to another child, I also worry that Luke will miss out if there was another child but the more and more I think about this I realise that Luke would probably love a brother/sister.

It doesn't matter how many kids I have, I know I will always have enough love and cuddles to give to go around.

My husband is an only child and he said he hated it even though he did get spoilt. He said he felt lonley And he would never only have 1 child we are know pregnant with our second but 2 is enough for us as we can't afford anymore.
Be lucky you can have another one hun:(,
I want more but unforuntaly i can not, i have endometrious and Rh- blood type, i lost 3 last year.

Now i am getting upset with peoples comments off only children, i didnt think there was any difference UNTIL i got the hurtful things other mums were saying.

Ino he will be fine regardless and he social as happy kid hes got lots of cousins, he shares his toys better then kids with siblings etc, so i am pretty lucky on the point that he will be fine as only .......

The only reason i hurt off this only child matter is other people hurtful judgment when they do not know why sad.
You have to do what best for you, even wait longer what ever you do do not be pressured buy other because its youre family and youre life, they wont help you when you need it the most:(.

Trust me, i lost 3 babies and not even my mother or sister were there for me, my sister had 3 kids easy peezey:(.

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