I just wanted to write and tell you, I completely understand where you are t smile
DH and I were TTC for 3.5 years before I got my first BFP through using clomid and IUI. I can tell you, it took me about 3 weeks to get over the shock that it had actually worked! I had given up all hope and was just going through the motions when I rang the clinic, expecting to hear 'no sorry' and was planning on spending my life travelling seeing as children were obviously not going to be a part of my life:-(
When it came time to TTC the second time, we started as soon as physically possible, which was when my DD was 3 months old. We tried about 5 IUI cycles, and about 3 of those were with clomid but none worked, so we thought give it all a rest for a month seeing as we had just bought a house and needed to do some work before we could move in. Well, that's the month that we fall completely naturally! No clomid, no IUI, just the old fashioned way! That was 8 months of TTC. BTW, I started seeing a naturopath/acupuncturist during that time and I'm pretty sure that was what made it happen smile
3 months after number 2 was born I knew I wanted a 3rd but it wasn't quite agreed on (LOL) so I got the depo provera and when that wore off I started seeing my naturopath then when DS was 10 months old I thought I'd just TTC for one month and see.....well thats all it took!
I just wanted to tell you that the first time for us was so very difficult but each bub was easier and easier smile
It is such a stressful roller coaster of a ride, TTC, but honestly, you WILL get there and you WILL know the absolute pleasure (and pain) of pregnancy and birth and hearing your bub cry for the first time (and the 100th!)
Hang in there, there are heaps of ladies going through the same pain as you and we know how it feels and send you loads of baby dust and good luck smile