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Not meant to be a mum? Lock Rss

Theres no real point to this post. Im just wanting a bit of a vent.

Im 31, DH is also 31 and we are on cycle 15-17 (lost track) of TTC.

Since we have been trying, my sister has fallen pregnant and had her 3rd baby. Girls at work have fallen pregnant and had their 'happy accident' babies.

Our baby would be SO loved and wanted - so why can't I fall pregnant? I feel like such a failure as a woman and such a failure as a wife. Ive never been pregnant before.

I know its time to head to the docs for testing but at the same time, in doing so I feel like Ive failed by needing 'help'.

I feel like ill be judged as being the 'infertile' woman who wont ever be a REAL mum because I needed medical help to do so. I myself dont feel this way but ive heard other women with kids drop snyde comments about mums that use IVF. Like they weren't 'meant' to be mothers.

Im just so frustrated! I have one sister who in the past has had 2 unwanted pregnancies (and terminated both) and another sister who has 3 beautiful children. My mother has 3 children, my grandmother had 5. I feel like im just not meant to be a mum now and it truly breaks my heart.


Oohh milkshake, my heart hurts for you. I completely understand where you're coming from, it took us 20 cycles before I saw that magical second line on a test.

Don't for one second think that you're a failure! Advancements in technology and medicine should be used as much as possible I reckon!

When you're ready to go to your doctor, you'll go, I'm sure. Don't be afraid! Find a good specialist (if needed) one that you're comfortable with, and keep the faith .... It will happen!! It will!!
Take care.
You are not a failure! You shouldn't think that, going to the Drs and seeking help is about arming yourself with all the facts and the best strategies to help achieve your goal of having a loving bub in your arms.
Make the appointment ASAP and make yourself happy
I have never heard anyone say that by needing intervention to get pregnant that you are not a real mother. That is horrible. My opinion is that if someone puts their body through IVF or any medical intervention to have a baby then I am absolutely certain that baby will be so loved and wanted (not that natural pregnancies don't result in babies that are loved and wanted!!!) Also it may be something that doesn't require a lot of medical intervention and before you know it you'll see those 2 lines. It took us about a year to get pregnant, with some medical help, and it is absolutely worth going to the dr to at least get some initial tests done and a referral to a specialist of needed. Make that appointment and good luck!!

Hugs Hun. I'm sort of in a similar situation although I do already have 2 boys, but we are ttc #3 and ieve been trying almost a year now with no luck yet this time. I'm almost thinking I need to see a dr now too but are scared too. But as tarstars said it could be something that is easily fixed you just never know til you've found out. Don't think that you don't deserve to be a mum because you do. And don't feel like you've failed. You don't need to tell people either if you don't want too. All the best Hun and heaps of baby dust to you xxxx



I'm the product of many many many years of Ivf and I can tell you, any woman willing to put herself through that heartache over and over again and any man willing to do whatever it takes to get his wife a child are definitely meant to be parents. People that aren't are those that don't care about anyone but themselves. You obviously are meant to do this, you've been trying so hard without giving up. Our bodies aren't perfect. We don't run like everyone else and we aren't machines. Don't be so hard on yourself because you haven't failed.
big hugs, no one will ever judge you like that, well i really hope not, i had too go to the docs at just 23 years old to get help to get pregnant, yep some times i feel a bit useless that i can not conceive naturally, but the whole process has made me a stronger person, after 3 years of ttc and a year of medical help my first baby was born in 2011, i am now pregnant with my second baby after a year and a half of medical help,im just thankful that we have the help there available, i know it is so hard and frustrating, and i had days when i felt like a useless woman nd wife cause i couldn't do the one thing we are designed todo, but once you get that positive test its the best feeling and the past few months of medical help feels all so worth it, chin up, all the best, don't be so hard on your self, and head to the doctors they really are so understanding and helpful smile



I TTC for 11 yrs with no luck other than 10 miscarriages in the 1st trimester. Then I went to see an Iridologist who looks at your eyes and can tell what minerals etc you are lacking. He specialized in conception issues. Brad Crouch is a Naturopath Iridologist based in Auckland but I am sure you would have someone equally as qualified in Aussie. He prescribed some herbal nutrients and I was pregnant within a fortnight of starting my new tablets. Successfully had a healthy baby boy. Don't give up hope, there are so many options available now. Good Luck smile
Oh I had to change my diet too, ate high protein, low carb, no added sugars or salts. Lots of eggs, meats and fresh veg such as mushrooms, spinach etc. Limited breads, no processed food. Once pregnant I was able to eat anything again, so it was only a short few weeks of sacrifice smile
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