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feeling so selfish Rss

No you aren't, honey. NOT SELFISH! You're just one of those who struggles, and puts years into this struggle..There's nothing strange about that you have really bad days from time to time. And if you feel more safe and confident when not attending those sort of gatherings --this is purely your choice. This is the way you protect yourself from self pity..I used to do this as well. In times I felt extremelly miserable..tending to hide in the closet and never go out..I felt like it hit me like a tonne of bricks. And then I was lying awake sobbing my heart out..No, I couldn't see happy moms and dads around me either. 'Cause it hurt so much!! Needless to say how broken I felt with all those pregos around me..meaning everyone WAS prego, but me! You need more time, sweet, to heal. Both emotionally and physically as I guess you've been applying for some treatments during 4.4yrs ttc. I hope this nightmare will end soon and you'll find your way out. All my positive thoughts sending your way x
Milasmithsss wrote:
I have been TTC for years. I totally understand what you are going through. It's hard when many of your friends are bragging about their kids. It’s even harder when people announcing news like, "I'm pregnant and we weren't even trying!!" That happened to me last week. This is so frustrating when each and everyone around you get pregnant… Seems they conceive right away, from the first try. We’ve tried so many treatments, medications, herbs, etc. but nothing. And everyone around thinks it’s their mission to ask “why don’t you have any kids yet? what are you waiting for?” This is so hard. Anyway, it's very hard because you are grieving that child that you do not have. Grief is a complicated thing. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I hope you and the rest of us get pregnant very soon! In the mean time we can concentrate on our relationship with God and our relationship with our DH. I try to remember every day how blessed I am, and that makes me feel better.

Here's what I came across on asiu.us blog a couple of days ago. Your post made me feel like I have to paste it here. We all happen to hear different silly comments on our ''infertile status'' and this really makes sad, when ctually people want to support you but dramatically fail, saying such kind of things. So here we go~
Top Ten Things To Avoid Saying To Your Friends Struggling with Fertility
1. Just stop thinking about it. My neighbor/cousin/sister/etc tried for years, and when she finally gave up, she magically got pregnant. Stop stressing about it. Go on a long vacation. Did you know stress can affect your period? Just relax and don’t worry about a thing and it’ll happen when it’s “meant to happen”.
2. From friends who have too many kids/their kids stress them out – Are you sure you really want kids!? You can have some of mine! I wish I could still go out drinking and have a night out on the town. Or you could adopt. It only takes an indefinite amount of years and costs around 30 – 60k.
3. Have you tried acupuncture (which I have)? My neighbor/cousin/sister/etc got pregnant right after 3 sessions! Unfortunately, recent studies suggest that it doesn’t work for PCOS folks like myself, so that was a ton of money down the drain.
4. Just stop all of your fertility treatments – it’s not God’s/the universe’s way. All those drugs are unsafe and not proven to work. Enjoy your money and live a lavish life!
5. Or instead, try this concoction that has ground up deer antlers and dried bone marrow, that’ll spruce your ovaries right up.
6. Maybe it’s because you should lose 40lbs – the number one solution of Korean doctors. They don’t seem to understand that those 40lbs were gained through the fertility treatments.
7. Maybe this is God’s/the universe’s way of saying you wouldn’t be good parents/kids would be unhealthy. Would that be really what you want? Wouldn’t push this if I were you!
8. From friends who are single and getting older – at least you can try to have kids. I don’t even have a partner to procreate with, therefore, my problem trumps yours. Having a child is a privileged lifestyle choice.
9. With the world becoming what it is everyday, you’re probably sparing yourself some major grief by not having kids.
10. Have you tried having sex upside down/when the full moon is out/when your astrological sign bids you good fortune?
Those definitely hurt..
Hey, no you're not being selfish at all! Infertility jealousy is a psychological thing and you cannot ignore that. I myself often go through it! It is something that is really not in our hands. I was diagnosed with poor ovarian reserve, almost 4 years ago. Since then all my sisters have got pregnant and some have more than one children. One part of me is really happy for them but the other part of me consistently reminds me that I have none. However, now since I have started visiting doctors that are reassuring me that I can be a mother and in fact, I will soon be one I feel a lot better. I opted for a process months back as well. It is still ongoing, infertility procedures are lengthy so you have to be calm. However, I have kept myself busy in the process which helps me not think about such things. I would suggest that you do the same as well. Good luck to you. Don't lose hope! Just know that you're not alone in this.
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
It is really a hard time for you. The things that you are feeling are totally normal. Any normal person would react in the same way you are. We are human beings and we can't act like angels all the time. I completely understand what you are going through right now. I was too in the same situation a few years back. I tried conceiving for 3 years and then it just broke me. I was told about this clinic by a dear friend. she told me I could still have my own child through surrogacy but then it was such a dreamlike thought. I could never think of doing such a thing. It was not because its dangerous or anything but it was just hard to believe that I still had a chance of being a mother. I did my research which further motivated me. Visiting that place satisfied me enough to start the procedure. Today I feel such gratitude for my friend that I can not describe in my words. Hope you too find any good solution and feel how I feel today.

Being confident with the place you're in is just vital for the whole process. You need to know you're taken care well of. And that you can be supported any time you need. The thing I loved the most about bio tex com was that they treated us not like a ''cycle'' but like individuals with our individual needs, worries, issues. Our doc has always been compassionate about what she was doing and planning to do. I love the way our kind coordinator explained us the treatment steps. She was always the step ahead from us with our questions. That was amazing and sometimes it seemed she could read our thoughts lol. Guys there are awesome! I'm happy your story has the happy end. We all deserve kids into our lives. That's superb they've found the solution for you. And that you've experienced motherhood after all the pains you endured. God always blesses us for waiting. I'm currently prego with my first ever donor egg ivf baby. Waiting impatiently for the 12 wks scan. Hope things are going right, wish me GL.
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
Hi. I understand your situation completely. Its normal to feel this way. At this point, you don't have to force yourself to do anything if you don't feel like it. Its just gonna make you feel worse. I really hope you have a child of your own soon. Have you considered getting treatment for this? Good luck.

Hi, I've read some of your posts on other threads. You're about to start surrogacy treatment plan. Just wanted to ask for some updates. I hope you could answer some of my questions. If you don't mind of course. Am still self educating and looking for some more experiences. So what country are you planning to undergo treatments in? What's the process cost? Is the surrogacy law supportive for the IP in the country chosen? What are the waiting time frames? Are you using OE or DE? Hope, these don't bother. All the best of luck ahead with your plan.
C_Lains wrote:
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
Hi. I understand your situation completely. Its normal to feel this way. At this point, you don't have to force yourself to do anything if you don't feel like it. Its just gonna make you feel worse. I really hope you have a child of your own soon. Have you considered getting treatment for this? Good luck.
Hi, I've read some of your posts on other threads. You're about to start surrogacy treatment plan. Just wanted to ask for some updates. I hope you could answer some of my questions. If you don't mind of course. Am still self educating and looking for some more experiences. So what country are you planning to undergo treatments in? What's the process cost? Is the surrogacy law supportive for the IP in the country chosen? What are the waiting time frames? Are you using OE or DE? Hope, these don't bother. All the best of luck ahead with your plan.


Hello! Hope you're well. Yes, actually the procedure has started. I just recently had my initial consultation done. It went really well actually. The doctor said everything looks great so far. We will be starting with egg retrieval. Unfortunately, we don't have any frozen embryos. We can only use the new ones. And of course, your questions don't bother me. I'm glad you asked them. I hope I can help you out with my experience. I'm getting this done abroad. Surrogacy was really expensive back where I live. And I can't afford it there. This place is so affordable. And their services are up to the mark too. I'm completely satisfied with them.
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
C_Lains wrote:
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
Hi. I understand your situation completely. Its normal to feel this way. At this point, you don't have to force yourself to do anything if you don't feel like it. Its just gonna make you feel worse. I really hope you have a child of your own soon. Have you considered getting treatment for this? Good luck.
Hi, I've read some of your posts on other threads. You're about to start surrogacy treatment plan. Just wanted to ask for some updates. I hope you could answer some of my questions. If you don't mind of course. Am still self educating and looking for some more experiences. So what country are you planning to undergo treatments in? What's the process cost? Is the surrogacy law supportive for the IP in the country chosen? What are the waiting time frames? Are you using OE or DE? Hope, these don't bother. All the best of luck ahead with your plan.

Hello! Hope you're well. Yes, actually the procedure has started. I just recently had my initial consultation done. It went really well actually. The doctor said everything looks great so far. We will be starting with egg retrieval. Unfortunately, we don't have any frozen embryos. We can only use the new ones. And of course, your questions don't bother me. I'm glad you asked them. I hope I can help you out with my experience. I'm getting this done abroad. Surrogacy was really expensive back where I live. And I can't afford it there. This place is so affordable. And their services are up to the mark too. I'm completely satisfied with them.

Thanks for answring. You've mentioned you're getting ready for the egg retrieval. So thought this might be helpful for you to know what to expect. ER is usually done 34 to 36 hours after the final injection and before ovulation. During ER, you'll be sedated and given pain medication. They'll insert an ultrasound probe into vagina to identify follicles. If your ovaries aren't accessible through transvaginal ultrasound, an abdominal surgery or laparoscopy may be used to guide the needle. They'll remove eggs from the follicles. It takes about 20 minutes to remove eggs. So after the ER, you may experience cramping and feelings of fullness or pressure. But don't be afraid, those will vanish withing a couple of hours. Hope this helps.
I've undergone DE IVF at biotex com, kiev. What clinic are you using? Where do you live, so that surrogacy costs too much there? And what made you head off for surrogacy abroad? Any specific pros?? Hope to hear from you soon.
Hi. I hope you are feeling better now. Please don't think you are being selfish here. You are clearly struggling. And it is really okay to feel this way sometimes. I'm glad you shared it here with us. Hope it made you feel better. I hope your problems go away soon. Don't worry.
I myself am in the same boat as yours. I can completely understand how difficult everything can get. However, dont be so hard on yourself I am sure things will get better. The journey is not easy but you have to really have faith in yourself. I hope things go smoothly for you! Just make sure to visit the right doctor for the process. The more experienced the specialist the better it will be for you. Sending baby dust your way.
Hi. I understand what you are going through. It's normal to feel this way. It is your choice now. What do you want to do next? Staying like this is not a solution. It's just gonna make you feel worse. I really hope you have a child of your own soon. Have you considered getting treatment for this? Do think about it.
Hi, ladies! I've got a couple of thoughts for today. As a natural optimist I thought IVF would be relatively straight forward. It was an opinion that didn’t last long though.. One unsuccessful IVF cycle was enough to crush the idealist in me. I was naïve and uninformed in equal measure.. - It’s a complex process!! I learnt very quickly. Costs about $8K later to get through a full IVF cycle. It is almost a miracle to believe you'll succeed after#1. Or at least it felt like this for me. I had multiple false starts. I also had many cancelled cycles. Lazy, underperforming ovaries meant that egg pick up didn’t necessarily equal eggs when it came to my rodeo show. I remember waking up from the anaesthetic. I desperately hoped that the nurse would tell me that I got some perfect egg.. In the early stages of IVF (Probably my first year of treatments) I was always very hopeful for more than one egg!! (Three perfect ones was my record) but after having a couple cycles failed (I was not getting any eggs at pick up) I soon appreciated the value in the statement 'It only takes one.' I also learnt not to compare myself to someone else. Like someone in the next bed waking up to hear they got 9 or 14 eggs!!
The next stage of an IVF cycle involves the transfer. But of course, eggs aren’t transferred. As you have to make them embryos first. It's the next hurdle. In my case this didn’t always happen. So here getting to transfer is a bit of a miracle. Transfers are a weird experience. Actually they are just a very expensive pap smear. In less than 30 seconds a long and large needle is inserted into your uterus. Then for about second you are pregnant. That’s how it felt to me at that time. Putting an embryo inside of me..Surely that makes me just a little bit pregnant..And many other IVF hurdles..
Cathymccartney098 wrote:
Hi. I understand what you are going through. It's normal to feel this way. It is your choice now. What do you want to do next? Staying like this is not a solution. It's just gonna make you feel worse. I really hope you have a child of your own soon. Have you considered getting treatment for this? Do think about it.

Also I cannot be much sure these tips might help those who're going through the same path. Ladies, when you're feeling bad, please, do get out of the house and do stuff! Movies, work, exercise – Of course if your doc is cool with this. Shop, spend the money you are saving from not buying any pregnancy tests.. Do take a friend out for coffee – decaf if you prefer (as you're still actively ttc). Buy an adult colouring book. I would suggest writing a big list of things you want to do. Then you can check one-two off a day. Be kind to yourself!! When you’ve invested a lot of money and emotion into trying to fall pregnant through IVF. I always found that as the days went on the emotions heightened. Also my confidence shrunk. Don’t expect too much from yourself!! It’s a really exhausting time. Prepare to be unravelled. Surround yourself with positive people!! Take it from me - it’s hard staying positive for yourself so you don’t need to be around sb negative at this time. This surely isn’t the time about being selfish to your friends and family’s needs. It’s more about not being around people who tell you that maybe it’s time to start thinking about adoption...This all is about self preservation if nothing else.
To the date of the official testing, I remember every phone call that was a “Sorry, it’s a no”. That's why I am forever grateful that I got to experience “Your test is positive” one day. What I learnt from all of those no’s was that no matter what, you get up the next day. You dust yourself off. You pick up the pieces of your heart and you choose - You will do it again, and you will get through it again!!
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