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Today I can't handle it Lock Rss

Hi everyone! How’s your ttc going? Mine not so well… Feeling sad as always and writing a post hoping you can relate. DH and I were invited to a 3 year old b-day party from one of his work friends. I told him I don't feel comfortable going. I feel like I just cannot go there. It would be too hard for me. I woke up feeling very sad today. It's been 5 years of TTC and today it's hitting me hard for some reason. I have good days and bad days… Today is not a good day. I can't seem to stop thinking of how much I want to have a baby and wondering why it has to be so difficult for people that really want to be parents. I had a conversation with DH. I explained that all I'm going to see there is people with their kids and hear about girls getting pregnant… Today I can't handle it. He understood and I love him for that. Does anyone feel like that sometime? I hope I'm not the only one.
It's normal. I have a friend (not very close) pregnant right now. She is 9 weeks and she is 40. This is her first baby. We have 12 families in the club. Each month we get together and hang out. When I heard the news, I was so happy for her. I even called her and congratulated her. But when I saw her on Sunday little green monster get into me. I’ve got little jealous. I was talking to her, but suddenly I realized I don't like her at all. I feel really bad. But I guess that’s because I want a baby so bad. And when I hear someone has one, I get jealous. It's normal and it's ok to be that way.
Other people can’t understand the grief and fragile emotions. If it was another upsetting issue or ailment where attending an event would make the upset worse and hard to manage publicly, would most people go to something like that in those shoes? Most would send their best wishes but not attend. The hard thing with infertility is the grief and challenges can be an ongoing thing and births, parties, and being around children is a constant reality of life. Sounds like you have a great DH in your corner. To preserve relationships (as them having a party for their child is normal, just as infertility and self-care is your normal for now) he could go or bring a gift and card to work instead? I’m sure they would appreciate that if you can’t go. The worst thing you can do is engage in self-deprecating talk where you refer to yourself as selfish. There is enough shame and guilt we typically put on ourselves when we shouldn’t, but it’s so hard. You are suffering from something that affects all aspects of your being. You are brave and navigating through a time most people never have to. In terms of this specific event, remember there are always people who can’t come to events. I even missed a couple very close friends’ showers (who knew what we were going through) following retrievals, BFNs, etc. and I did it for myself, as much as for them so as not to cry, have anxiety, or detract from their day. I always sent a gift and was in touch - and it was always enough and warmly appreciated. I’m sure you would understand too. Be kind to yourself!
I absolutely get it! And I can tell you I feel the same. A month ago we were invited to a baby shower just 10 days after we found out that our “promising” ivf#2 didn’t work… I didn’t have the courage to say no as I wanted to be polite and show that I was happy for our friends and wishing them the best… And it was a nightmare for me, holding up tears all along and withdrawing myself to the activities. So no, you are not selfish. And you shouldn’t feel bad for not going to that event. Nobody can get the sadness in your heart more than you do and even if you wish well to others some things are way too difficult. I really admire our strength and courage for your journey, and even if it has not been the success you wish just yet… Thing so will come in one way or another. I didn’t realize how traumatic this journey could be until I was in there too. Now I found you and everyone else awesome women.
You are not at all selfish for saying that. In fact, even if I was in your place I would’ve said the same thing. Your mental peace is really important! Especially when you are on this journey. I feel the same all the time. I’m also going through TTC complications. I skip baby showers and kids birthdays the entire time because it hurt too much. It's not selfish. It's just hard to cope sometimes. When I get pregnant and have my own children, I will be completely fine if somebody won’t come to our showers/birthdays. I know how it is emotionally unbearable to be at such events when you TTC, but fail. If you haven't already, I urge you to find face-to-face support. It can be a counselor or infertility support group. The internet can do so much. Being with others going through the same thing you are really helped us.

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I can feel all your pain… We are here to help you. Attending baby showers is not the best way of relaxation when you face troubles while TTC. Sadly enough, not all people around understand this. People are constantly asking ''When are you going to have kids? What are you waiting for?'' I HATE those questions. I HATE that uncomfortable silence while I’m making up polite answer. I don’t want to tell everyone about our problems. People aren't compassionate. Most people are so rude... Only those who faced same battle know how it feels. I’m here for you. You know where to find me if you want to talk&share. Good luck with your TTC dear!
I have been TTC for years. I totally understand what you are going through. It's hard when many of your friends are bragging about their kids. It’s even harder when people announcing news like, "I'm pregnant and we weren't even trying!!" That happened to me last week. This is so frustrating when each and everyone around you get pregnant… Seems they conceive right away, from the first try. We’ve tried so many treatments, medications, herbs, etc. but nothing. And everyone around thinks it’s their mission to ask “why don’t you have any kids yet? what are you waiting for?” This is so hard. Anyway, it's very hard because you are grieving that child that you do not have. Grief is a complicated thing. It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I hope you and the rest of us get pregnant very soon! In the mean time we can concentrate on our relationship with God and our relationship with our DH. I try to remember every day how blessed I am, and that makes me feel better.
I know I felt that way a lot. Personally I skipped a few showers. It’s just too hard! Both mentally and emotionally. Even physically it’s hard. It feels like a barrier inside you just doesn’t let you to go there. You just can’t. I felt like having a panic attack even thinking about going there. I just can't understand why it is so hard. Especially since the RE couldn't find a single thing wrong with me or DH. It just didn't make sense. If you do all the right things, you should get the result you want, right?? Well that is what I thought anyway. Part of me wanted them to find something wrong, so we could fix it. It's wonderful that you have such an understanding loving DH! You're not selfish, you’re emotional and dealing with a very personal situation. I would feel the same way. It's totally normal to feel this way.

Go take a walk with DH or enjoy a glass of sparkling water with a slice of lime. Light a candle if it is dark enough. You have to try to get yourself in an even toned positive flow. I know it’s emotionally hard but do it for yourself! Don't think of anything and make DH rub your shoulders. This has worked for me.... It's nice to have a supportive DH! I put the fountain on in my garden/ yard and listen to birds and watch my pups play. It helps me relax. Do something good for yourself! Give yourself a break from thinking too much. You deserve it! Hang in there and just keep believing it will happen. Not as soon as you would have hoped, but just keep believing that it will. Don't allow doubt to plant itself in your mind or heart.
I can understand you. It is indeed very hard to go through such things. I myself avoid attending any sort of social events. Mainly, because people then ask you questions and make you extremely uncomfortable. One of the reasons why I always keep myself busy. I either am constantly involved in reading books or doing office work. It is honestly a blessing to have understandable DH. I hope things get better for all of us. So I think the way you are feeling is normal! I totally understand how you feel. You have to put your feelings first and to feel uncomfortable at a child's birthday party is a justified feeling. I think many men don't understand how women feel as we tend to carry to brunt on this battle. I know my husband never understood it. If I were your friend even if I didn't know your situation I would respect your decision not to come to the party. Just focus on you. This is your life and there is no point in causing yourself any additional emotional turmoil.
I started the ball rolling in years ago when I rang a few local clinics and discussed my options, then booked an open day and the one I liked the sound of best. At the open day I decided it was definitely what I wanted so booked an initial consultation. I decided early on that I'd rather take the IVF route than IUI but that was a personal choice as I felt the timing would be better controlled with taking time off work etc. At this point I also visited my GP who I must add has been very supportive but as a self funding patient I don't think a GP referral to a clinic is needed (I didn't anyway). I also took the route of egg donation as my own eggs gave me a too little chance. I could have started treatment even earlier than was planned but was found to face actopic. They had to remove one of my tubes and overy. Then my AMH came back twice lower which meant IVF was a better option for us.
I would urge you to ring around, get initial tests done etc sooner rather than later as I thought my fertility was fine and was very shocked to find I had a low AMH. Once you're armed with your info and results you could then seek for the best options.
Any more questions I'd be happy to answer if I can. When I was starting out my journey I found the girls on here brilliant with their advice and still do! Hugs x
It is awesome for me to be here learning a lot about parenting and so on. Thanks for all the communication
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