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I want my own baby Lock Rss

Hi everyone im faced with a moral question. Im 20 and would love to have a baby of my own. Thing is i'm not in a relationship nor do i want to be in one because of how my parents relationship turned out. I dont want my child going through all the heart ache of break up and divorce. Nor the screaming matches. I know i can look after my self and a baby because i took care of my cerabal Palsy brother for 11 years as my parents didn't cope with it. I have a stable job that is flexible in hours. So if i wanted to go casual i could. I really would love a child of my own. A mini me! Am i being selfish. I know my parents have always said to me, Kids and wedlock go hand in glove. I think times have changed. Please give me your thoughts. Thank you for your time.
Hi RMajco.
Sounds like you have thought of everything except Who looks after your baby when you are at your casual job? can you afford to have time off work if you dont feel ready to go back straight away? I know babies are beautiful and loving and you know they are hard work but you can only do the best for your child if you can offer them your own life experiences. Although a husband/partner is not always necessary believe me someone to help change a nappy or do a night feed is a blessing. And this is aside from when it all gets just a little to much that you burst into tears and just need a hug. I know I sound like a nagging old woman (at 31) but trust me - wait. If you are really wanting to spend time with children have you thought about a career change - become a childcare worker or a nanny - perhaps even start your own family daycare. With this experience as an adult you may strengthen your resolve or realise a few more years wouldnt hurt.
Take Care and think before you act

Fiona, NSW

I got married over 3 years ago and fell pregnant at 35 after making a conscious decision to start a family. Up until then my career was very important and I was new to the marriage thing. Pregnancy , giving birth and being a mum is an amazing experience - one that I would not change. I love being home and looking after my baby. I have no regrets about having a baby earlier because the time was right for us. You need to let it happen when it's meant to happen. Don't rush into it, unless you know what you want in life. having a baby is a big commitment and you need to consider facing the unexpected if there are difficulties with the birth and preganancy. Having support is a blessing. If you have some doubt at the moment, reconsider your desire until another time when the time and conditions are right for you. Good luck in your decision. Having a child is indeed a blessing, a miracle and a gift.
Hi rmajco,
I think i know how you feel i felt the same when i was your age. I could have had a football field...I loved children and even once went to the extent of putting a hole in a condom once. I don't know what came over me.....I got over it though...i think it's nature to have these feelings, being a female its natural, some of us have it in our teens, other twenties and some more now then ever in their 30's. What got me through it was the fact that i also had a bad experience through my upbringing and my parent also had alot of troubles with their relationship. I'm now with a man that had a bad relationship himself and i've spent years trying to enable him to trust again. Sometimes a good man can be ruined by an evil women i've found out... I feel that you really need to grow from you're parents experiences and put all your heart and soul into developing a loving relationship one day yourself. Don't carry this hate for love and feel that you need a baby now to love in replace of it. You're only young and the world is your oyster..With the feelings you carry you could pass these on to your child. I personally feel that you need to find a way to overcome these negative feelings so that you're a happy soul for your baby. There are to many mixed up little people in the worl now, and it's not fare. Your intentions are beautiful, and you've probably stored up so much love because you've been scared to give it over to anyone in freight that you'de experience what your parents did. No-one is perfect, we all know that...your parents obviously had a difficult time with caring for your brother with cerebral palsy. A baby is a relationship strain at the best of times. There's never a guarantee that a relationship will last, but we all learn and grow from our experiences, even when they're negative. We wouldn't be the person we are today without these good and bad times.
So my advice...find a way to overcome the hurt from living your parents relationship woose....The psychologic damage you could do to a child with these feelings of hatered for men and relationships couldn't be a healthy start for either of you.... Good luck whichever you decide....

Renee, who would luv a baby

Hi there
I am 20 and have an 8 month old son JOshua. My partner is 22 and he was not planned but we wouldnt change anything.
Having said that, it has been very challenging, tiring, frustrating and difficult. I couldnt have done it without my partner by my side and josh needs his daddy in his life.

Caring for another child is nothing like having your own child. Its not as easy as you seem to think. I too have had lots of experience with other babies and looked after my niece day and night for months after they were born so i though being a mum would be easy but its far from it and you cannot possibly know and understand till you do have your own. I think its great that you are so determined and sound quite mature but its not fair on a child to bring him/her here with that attitude.
I really think you should wait a few years and hope you find Mr right to father your children

Dp: Danny: 30/10/82, Ds: Joshua: 25/03/03

I tend to agree with Mandamoo! I have been married for 6.5 years now and my parents had a terrible marriage and eventually divorced but that didn't stop me from finding Mr. Right as it made me more determined to have a better marriage and work hard at it! I married at 18 and had my first child at 21 and now my second at 25! I don't think age matters in marriage or having children but if you're not ready for them then don't rush into it as it changes your life completely - but for the better! Neither marriage or having children is easy so think it over hard!!

Mum(29) - DS 7yr, DD 4yr & DD 2yr

wait. children need both parents and a loving environment. i grew up without a father and i'd never do that to my child. ever. you need to wait. i agree you dont have to be married but you should be in a steady relationship and both want to be parents. dont go have a baby alone. you need a lot of support. you need a suportive spouse to help you.

Narelle, Eilish 5th june 2002 TTC since dec 2002

Having a baby is alot of hard work! and its expensive as well where are you going to get your income from?

It sounds like you want someone to love and to love you back, and whilst yes a baby does love you are you really ready for this huge committment? of having someone who depends on you 24/7 no rest at all!

I think you are thinking about all the good things about having a baby and yes of course there is those but you also need where possible the help and support of a partner!

I hope you sort out your issues before you decide to take this huge step

melissa, vic, Patrick 2.5 & Laura 15 months

Hi RMajco

I am now 28 and my husband and i have been together for 10 years and married for 3 we are expecting our first child in April. I know what your going through as i always said in my younger years that i wanted 3 children and to have at least 1 or 2 by the time i was 23 well that never happened. I am a trained nanny but do office work and have done for the last 6 years. I believe that being a nanny taught me that yes babies and children are lovely little creatures but it's not as easy as one thinks, and am glad we waited as i believe we can now give the child everything we want and are not in a situation where we'd struggle. I have friends that have had parents separate / divorce etc but they are all in loving relationships now and say that things like that only make you stronger and more aware of what you want out of life. So i tend to agree with everyone else and maybe your better off waiting and experiencing what else live has to offer. It is far easier to go travelling, etc without children, cause once they come along you can no longer just think about yourself. But i do have a friend that is a single mother she is great but she always said she could never do it on her own and was thankful for all the support she got from everyone. So you need to way up all the pros and cons and make the best decision for yourself.
Hi everyone I thought i'd come back and reread my thoughts and your answers from october when i posted my piece and tell you how im doing. About a week after i wrote that i decided to move on with my life so i went a trip o/s for 2 weeks when i got back about two days later i went out to a shop and i met the man of my dreams. weve been together since the 10th of november and still going strong and whats more no fights! Were getting engaged in April sometime then weve decided in another 6 months after that we'll get married and ttc. Im so happy.wink Thank you all for all your great suggestions, support. All the best to you and your families. I guess ill be back at this site in October
Bye, Regards Renae
Hi renae

it sounds like you've done a lot of growing up in the past few months good on you babe

Love steph

Steph VIC Mummy to one gorgeous boy

All the best renae, I hope everything works out for you!

take care

melissa, vic, Patrick 2.5 & Laura 15 months

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