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  5. Sex Drive Gone....Relationship Suffering

Sex Drive Gone....Relationship Suffering Lock Rss

We are unexpectedly expecting our third baby after declaring our family complete 12 months ago when DD was born.

We have a DS 3 years 2 months and a DD 12 months, and I am 16w3days pregnant. I am tired all the time and am trying to stop breastfeeding DD.

My DH was understanding while I was vomiting all the time but now that I am feeling well again he wonders why I am not keen for sex.

I love my husband (although he has been getting on my pregnancy nerves a bit lately, stupid things like washing up/kids etc) and I would love to make love and be close to each other - I just not feeling sexual.

I have no problem having sex for him, but he then complains that I'm not enjoying it so why bother. I can only be so enthusiastic after being awake from 5am with two full on children and knowing I will be awake half the night to our DS because of nightmares.

My husband is by no means a SNAG and can be quiet insensitive in things he says sometimes and despite me telling him how I feel he just doesn't get it. "How 'bout it"? and "Got your clothes off yet?" are not wonderfully romantic come on lines to me.

What should I do?

Hayley, NSW, Liam 07/02, Beth 09/04, Nate 03/06

I totally understand where you are coming from. Our daughter is not a good sleeper and it has always been me who deals with her in the night, it is harder now that I am pregnant and getting bigger and I feel very tired when the evening comes around. My husband makes comments that do not make me want to rush to the bedroom either. I am not feeling at all sexual at the moment either, though I do enjoy sex once I get into it. I guess it is hard for them to understand as they don't have to go through all the changes.
I can only suggest you try talking to him and explaining how draiing your day is and it does not end at night either as you have to get up to your son.
Best of luck

Nikki, Brissie, mum of 3,

hi,
welcome to the club!! lol
my husband used to be all romantic and now its like "im horny get your undies off". well thats a real turn on.....NOT!!!!
sometimes i like to cuddle and smooch, and thats it. but 'junior' husband gets all excited and thinks all his birthdays have come at once.
i wish my mum told me before i got married that men have three things on their mind most of the day........food, sleep and sex. at least i would have been more prepared. wink
sometimes i wish like saying to him you try taking care of 2 kids 24/7 and see how exhausted you get. well maybe i have a couple of things in common with men........food and sleep!!! lol
take it easy

Amina, mum of 3 boys 06/03, 03/05, 06/08

I have off periods too, and my partner has now realised 'how about it' does not get me in the mood. Instead he'll tell me to sit down, or shoves me in the bath with a book and gets the kids ready and puts them in bed, does the dishes and tidies the lounge, then will offer a massage or some other treat. No pressure though, I have said no a few times and it's been ok.
I think because men get horny instantly they think we do too, once i explained i don't, and find it impossible to instantly switch from mum to lover, he got lots better.
I think also though because he does so much all the time, not just when he wants a bit, it makes me willing to help him out too!

Kelly, 22, 1 @ 25/1/04, 2 @9/3/05, [email protected]/4/06

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