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Very Distant Partner Lock Rss

Im 28 weeks pregnant after trying for 2 years, he was interested in that part of things. But since we conceived he has been very distant, doesnt like to give me hugs or kisses anymore and even pushes me away when i try to show some affection and on the weekends, instead of lying in bed with me watching tv, he prefers to get online and look at porn sites. If i get out of bed he closes down the windows trying to hide it from me, he even opens a cupboard door so i cant see the computer screen from the bedroom door.
I've expressed to him how his actions make me feel but he just waves it off. Am i alone in this fight or are there other women going through similar things.
I just dont know what to do.

Hi Rachel

You are not alone. I had a very similiar partner with my first child (he is now my ex husband). He was on the computer for up to 18 hours a day. I don't think there was a day went past where he didn't put more effort and time into the ocmputer and his computer buddies than me and our son. Although he didn't visit porn sites, just the time and non-attention (or neglect toward us) was devasting. This persists for close to 4 years.

Did your partner do porn before this? At least he has some what of a conscious, in that he doesn't want you to see what he's doing.

Keep talking to him, tell him how you feel. Sometimes men feel 'un-needed' now his part is completed and you're doing the final run. Particularly now that all the attention is on you and the little one. I am not excusing his behaviours - he should be supporting you. I can understand men's lack of enthausiam for sex with their partner - now there's a 'third party'. But affection - huggs, kisses, etc is critical.

I really hope that you can work this out. If you both can work through it, things will be better in the long run.

I'll be thinking of you.

Jody
i havent been in your place but i understand how u must feel..ie read that men had actually felt jealous from their unborn child because ur caring bout the baby and its health more than his.. i think he just feels neglected and wants more attention i think its more like a competition for him but keep trying 2 get his attention and if he doesent respond i say dnt give him your attention he will bound 2 b running back to u wanting the attention...guess u havent learned men are like children u give and give and nuthin comes out of it soon as u pull back he wants wat he cant have
good luck anyways huny

samya,VIC

Rachel,
I personally think its terrible.Women are forever making excuses for the way men behave.I mean the fact is they come across as being insensitive to what your going thru without even knowing it.My partner isnt exactly like that,but he is studying at the moment and spends 12hrs a day at his desk and some times I feel like we are just ships passing each other .I too sometimes just want a hug and he thinks Im whinging when I tell him that I want more attention,but they truly just dont get it.And if they realized that the action of hugging us is quite painless in comparasion to the reaction they get when they dont we wouldnt even be having this conversation.Any way eventually everything will unravel and you will discover what the real reasons are 4 his behaviour,soon there will come a time when you will be able to let him know how much he has hurt you until then stay strong 4 you and your baby.Good luck!
Kikki 34wks

Kelly,WA ,30wks Pregnant

Just thought i'd let those who replied to my post in on an update.
I had my gorgeous little girl on the 6th Jan, and Daddy was there for the whole thing, even cut her cord.
For a few weeks after her birth he was still on the internet doing his thing late at night on the weekends. I'd get up around midnight to feed my baby and twice i caught him sitting in the dark on the computer looking at porn, i went of at him, even kicked him out of our bed and made him sleep on the couch.
He then resorted to getting his daily fix in the mornings whilst getting ready for work, i'd be still asleep most mornings (he has real early starts). So i'd get up about an hour or so after he leaves for work and i'd get on the net and look at his temporary internet file and it would show all the porn pictures he'd been looking at (its amazing how many pictures he could view in the space of 5 minutes, dozens). One morning i got up and had a look at these files and found that he was still at it, so i sent him a text message (he would have been at work by that time) and the message read as follows: "i am so sick of you looking at porn every morning, i am never gonna look like that, love it or leave it", insinuating that if he did'nt clean up his act, i was gonna leave. Well that sorted things out, he's been really good the last few months.

Thanks for listening and replying, sorry about the long update, just had to do some venting.

hi
it took my man almost 5mths to get over the shock of him being a bad and now he is right into it buything the baby things it is great but it hurt me at the start when he was not in to it

first time mum

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