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Can u tell me why? Lock Rss

when my dh and i were married it was wonderful. he helped with everything. did all the things he had to do, you know "manly stuff" and helped around the house. when my first ds was born he was like 'i respect you so much any time you need me to help im there'. yes well it lasted all of about 3mths and then i got a lazy bum. i was needing to repeat things to him heaps of times and then it was like a crane had to remove him from the couch for him to help. then second ds was born and everything went down hill from there.......
i dont ask for much, just that he takes out the rubbish when it rubbish night, and spend time with our kids. i dont need his help with anything else!
he gets the s**ts when i suggest he take ds#1 to the shop with him. mind you ds#1 is very well behaved.
its like he doesnt want to spend time with the kids, like its really hard thing to do.
ds#1 loves his dad very much and he knows all the things his dad likes, he even tries to get his dad to get interested in playing with him. dh loves league and ds gets the footy and wants to play but dh just pushes him away. ds#2 lights up when dh comes home from work. after dh does the usual (sss - s**t, shower, shave) he will pick up ds#2 and sit with him but thats it....... no play. no talk. for heavens sake these are your kids!!!!! yes i understand he works 10-12hrs a day, but hey wouldnt you think being with your kids would help you unwind???? like i said they are both really good kids.. and im not being bias.
this is just a couple of things but the list goes on...........
ive tried everything i can think of to get him to snap out of it (without being a nag), bar leaving him. but i wont do that the kids and i love him too much.
is he ever going to snap out of it and be the hubby and dad i know he can be??

sorry this is so long..............suppose i just had to vent

Amina, mum of 3 boys 06/03, 03/05, 06/08

Geez hon, I am sorry you are going through such a rough patch..well it looks like its a bit longer than a patch!!
Have you thought about giving DH some alone time. As much as i hated it i let my hubby play footy which meant that he was out at training 2 nights a week and on saturday mornings he was out aswell. BUT the extra work payed off because he felt like, well i should give her some time out and take the kids for a while. After he felt as though he had had some time to be "ben" not just bread winner and father and husband, he was much more eager to spend time with us as a family. Just a thought-maybe he needs some "me" time. Run it by him and see how he reacts, but dont put yourself out if its not going to change anything.
The other thing you might think about is setting up activities for them. I made a new house ruel that when daddy got home from work, or about 10 mins before the TV went off till kids were in bed. DH didnt like it to start with but he loves it now. My kids are toddlers so they are happy to be pushed on the swing or do a painting or build a tower with blocks and knowck it down 50times over!!
Sorry my reply is so long, just a few things i did to encourage more daddy and kid time-it really is so important!
Good luck

Kathryn - Zack-4, Toby-2 & Molly 1


My heart goes out to you. I was once in a similiar predicament to you.

While you recognise that his behaviour (particulary toward the boys) is becoming a problem, does he see this? Is he aware of his actions and thus the likely consequences?

Do you get 'me' time? Does DH have hobbies, etc that are just for him (same goes for you)? Do you still get to do things as a couple? (as apposed to having the boys with 24/7)

About leaving him - let him know how serious you feel about it. Suggest conselling - it can work. As for staying for the kids sake - don't. Kids can tell when mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore. You can parent very effectively without both parents. When both parents can't live together what effect does this have on raising kids? When dad's not there emotionally, how good is this for everyone.

I am not saying leave, just don't stay 'only for the kids.' Hang in there and talk calmly to him.

wishing you all the best.
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