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A 3rd baby - compromise? Lock Rss

I need some help!! I really want to have another baby. And not just so I have a cute little baby again but because I really want to be pregnant again (despite not really enjoying it) and because I feel that another child would really complete our family.

DH isn't keen at all. He is always hugely stressed at work and I think he's worried that the stress of another baby on top of that would drive him mad/bald/into hospital with a heart attack!

I know all the reasons not to have another baby but I still desperately want one and can't get it off my mind. I try not to think about it and definitely not to talk about it but its still there. A couple of nights ago I mentioned it to DH again and he said that if I really wanted another one then he would compromise and have one. I said that I didn't see how that was a compromise as I'm getting my way so he agreed that he was giving in. I am really not happy about making such a life changing move unless both of us are 100% about it. Will he regret it later on? Will he resent me if we go ahead? But will I resent him if we don't have another one?

Has anyone else been in this position and what did you decide to do? Did it work or are there lingering issues?

Mum to Caitlin & Owain

Hi there.
Maybe go thru all the pros and cons of having another baby with DH.
If the pros outweigh the cons then go for it, and vice versa.
Why is it that you really want another child??
Are you going to be able to realistically have another child? ie housing and monetary etc.

I know that I definitely only want 2 kids - I hate being pregnant so I don't want to go thru this again! But more importantly, it just isn't realistic for us to have any more.. We don't have the room, we definitely don't have the money and we are happy to have an even number in our family.
These are all my reasons, not yours of course..
Maybe you could start off by getting a puppy or kitten? I know it sounds a bit silly, but puppies and kittens etc require just as much time and effort as a baby so it might fill your requirements to be a mum again.. IYKWIM..

I'm afraid I don't have much good advice, just my thoughts on the matter.
I hope you sort it out happily for all of you.

that must be really hard!! I have an 8 year old and a one year old girl and i reallllly want another baby. Im lucky my husband is fine with another baby. A lot of people have said to me 'two is enough' etc etc, but Im not one that wants the 2.2 kids! you need to go with your gut, and if its to have another baby then its right. If you are coping well now etc then it should all be fine.

I agree with the above poster; sit down with your husband and discuss the pros and cons of the situation you are in now. I know you would be deprived if you couldnt have another baby, and later on this may cause heartache and pain.

If you both cant agree, then it may be worth seeing a counsellor about it. He may have things hes going through etc so it would be worth it.

hi i am pregnant with our third child and it was a bit like your situation ive been talking about wanting a 3rd since baby 2 was one and hubby was not sure for a long time so i just put all the pros and cons on the table and said if you want another let me know and im ready if not i will be dissapointed but will not hold it against you because he is such a great dad and if its only two then im grateful to have them a while later he said he does want another but wants to wait a bit so we waited till baby 2 wan nearly 2years old and then he was ready. i think you should plan to have another one day but if he is giving in now not wanting one right now id leave it a bit and see what happens... ps do you have girls or boys? i have 2 boys and for a long time had to work out in my head am i having a third to get a girl? and worked out that i would love 3 boys too so im happy with what im having even though im not finding out till the birth hope this helps?
I'm allowed to have another baby as long as my DP can get a German Shepard! How's that for a compromise??!! lol
I have gorn through the same thing just reciently. my husband and i only wanted and agree on 2 children when my second son was about 4 months old i was looking at pregnant women every where and wished that i was them again as i really wanted a daughter I though that there was something wrong with me as I still had a baby. after 1 year my husband had came around as he would like a daughter also and we are expecting our 3rd son in February lol funny how things work out but I wouldn't rush it till you both feel ready. I felt bad as i couldn't turn off these feelings and i didn't want him doing something just to keep me happy after all this was going to be his baby also. take the time to talk about it just sit and lesson to what each other has to say and consider both sides when you both are ready things will just happen. as the baby knows when the best time to come after all falling pregnant is the fun and hard part.

(although I'm not in your position) I really feel that having a baby is a JOINT decision to make. If one is not in total agreement it could become an issue later on.

I could maybe understand if it was wanting the 'first' baby, but is it really worth having bub number 3 and sacrificing your husbands sanity / stress levels?

Maybe just leave the thought out there and see how he feels about it in a few months time again. Men like thinking in their "caves" about these things...
If he's anything like my husband, he would never say anything that was life changing just to keep me happy. Mine would say it because it wouldnt be a big problem, just that he may have preferred me to say, i am happy with the 2! I don't think men do things they don't want to do, so if he says that having another one is ok, well then i think he means it even if his heart doesn't seem to be in it yet...

I feel exactly the same as you!!! I really want just one more but my DH has said at this point he's happy with the two and doesn't want things to change. I can't stop thinking about it.

However he said he will rethink it in another 12-18 months time and has said to hang on to all of DS's things just in case, so I guess there is still hope!
sorry to rock the boat here but I reckon if he's already said he's OK to compromise/ give in (or whatever you wanna call it) then i reckon thats your answer. If he's doing it for you, cos he loves you, is that not enough of a good reason - just knowing that you want it bad enough. I'm sure there either have been or will be many times when you have "given in" for him... thats what relationships are all about - give and take. if he was dead against it then surely it would be a flat no? Only you know your DH, but thats how I'd read it. If he's given you a yes then he can't throw that back in your face down the track cos not only has he agreed but will obviously be taking part in the process as well IYKWIM ! I also think that if you keep bringing it up for discussion rather than just getting on with it, you are giving him an out every time you do it. You know how men hate to be asked "are you OK ??" over and over (or even just once or twice lol) - it drives them nuts ! lol and good luck in your decision.

Lovely Miss Lucy born 05 February 2009

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