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Which surname to use? Lock Rss

My partner and I are expecting his 2nd baby but my 5th. He wasnt around for his 1st DD (long story) but i invited him back in when she was a couple of weeks old. I gave her my surname because he wasnt around but with this baby he wants me to give it his surname. I dont think the girls will like or understand having a different last name to their brother/sister and i dont want a different surname to any of my children. How do i get around this? Any ideas anyone?
Depending on the name, maybe you could use his name as the middle name.

I grew up with so many different surnames, my dads, hypenated dads/maiden, mums maiden name, step dads, hypenated step and maiden, then it depended on whether mum was with step dad or not.

It's not so much of a big deal now. I have a (half) sister who now goes by her dads surname and a sister who goes by mums maiden name and now I go by married name. My mum has married for the third time and has taken on his name, I can hardly remember sometimes.

I guess growing up it made it hard, parents think long and hard about what to call you and your name is part of who you are. If there is confusion about your name I think it can cause confusion about who you are and where you belong. Not to say that your relationship is not stable but if your other kids have your name I think that your baby will feel different when she/he grows up. And angry sibling can say the harshest things sometimes.

Then again if your home life is very stable and loving I don't supppose it would cause as many problems.

Good Luck, what a deilema (I don't know if I helped any, sorry).

Hayley, NSW, Liam 07/02, Beth 09/04, Nate 03/06

hi mytribe!

im going with my surname because i dont know how much the father is going to be there. my family is going to be there all the way, forever, and i want my bub to feel like it is fully part of the family it has and not some 'father' that shows up every now and then, if ever. bub is good enough to have my name, but dad may not deserve to have bub's name.

if your partner's first dd is old enough, you may want to talk to her about changing her surname by deed poll (or what ever it is), if she isnt, you can always wait till she is older. the only people you have to 'explain' surnames to at the moment, arent going to be family or close friends, so really dont matter that much anyway.

one prob that may arise is that if your other children have your name, they may feel either left out of the 'new' family, or that they werent good enough to have their father's name. once again, i suggest you talk to them and ask what they think and how they feel.

ive had friends who have brothers and sisters with different surnames and it doesnt matter to them. ive also had friends who have changed their names to the step father's surname, to feel more like a family. really, i think it's upto the individual, and the best thing you can do is listen and guide as best you can.

i hope this has been a help to you!

take care of yourself and ur bump!

Miss C =)

Miss C, NSW, bub due June '06

I've got a similar problem - although this is my first. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I think I'd be happier having the same name as my baby - and I've been told it can cause problems down the track to have the fathers name - he gets to make final decisions on things like passports etc.....

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