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I say he drinks too much.. Lock Rss

I feel so alone and just want to tell someone what I am going through.
I have no family that I can turn to and no friends that I think will understand.
I have been married for 2 years and together with this man for 3. We have an 18 month old daughter together and another one on the way in late May.
At the beginning we went out together drank together and it suited our lifestyle.. but since the babies have come along, I no longer drink and live that lifestyle.
He still drinks.. I say he drinks too much but he reckons I am exaggerating. Is 6 beers a night normal?

Then today when he had far too many beers we got into an argument and we had a bit of a struggle and he ended up punching me in the face.. the police came, and now I am here alone sitting at the computer thinking what I will do.

Will I leave..begin a life on my own, with my two children? Will I stay and try to work things out and demand he stop drinking! Whats it like being a single mum with two children? (not that he helps out much)
I'm just so scared.. feeling alone and feel like I am stuck!

This has happened before.. where he has had too much to drink then got violent.. but never to this extreme. Can a leopard change his spots?

Please someone give me some advice.

Hi honey,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

My dad is an alcoholic, and although it is not the same as having a partner who drinks too much, I can tell you it was not a happy household growing up with a dad whose brain was pickled all the time. Whether he thinks you are exaggerating or not, if it has become enough of an issue for you to worry, then it is a problem.
I personally believe that if he hits you when he has been drinking:
a) he doesn't have the guts to do it sober
b) it WILL keep happening
c) eventually your kids will either see it or be on the receiving end of it

It was so hurtful to my brother and I that when we would tell dad stuff about our day, he would not remember what we had said 3 hours later.
The prospect of bringing up your kids primarily on your own would be scary, but I am sure would be less scary than the 2 of you walking on eggshells around him all the time. I am sorry if I sound like I am being horrible, I do not mean to be, I just worry. How are you going to cope with a drunk, violent hubby, a toddler and a newborn?
I have written a poem - included below - that I have recently given to my dad, as he has decided to stop drinking, and hopefully it will keep him off the wagon.
As I said, I can only speak as the child of an alcoholic. Please do not leave yourself or your kids in any more danger.

Take care, pm me if you need to.

P
xx

The bottle it beckons
You answer the call
Will you have just a sip?
No, you will drink it all

Watching you
We look on in fear
You will start saying things
We don’t want to hear

The things that you say
Leave scars on our souls
And will live in our memories
Until we are old

You don’t remember
Your hurtful words
That pushed well away
Your little boy and girl

We are used to it now
Things will never change
Dad always drinks
To us it is not strange

You dont seem to care
You have kids and a wife
That bloody bottle
Is going to end your life


Dilek, you must be going through hell right now.

I think you already know what to do don't you? Yes, being a single mother is a scary prospect but there is plenty of support financially and emotionally out there for someone in your position.

Yes, its hard to make that first step, but stop and think. Seriously think. Do you want your children to grow up seeing this, hearing this and feeling this and thinking that this is 'normal'?

How would you feel if it were your daughter who were with a violent man? How would you feel if a complete stranger came up to your daughter and assaulted her? Do you want her to grow up thinking that this behaviour is ok and that it is acceptable to be with someone like this? Did your mum? Would you think that your own mother thinks this is an acceptable situation to be in?

I am sorry if some of these questions are harsh but you really need to remove yourself from this situation. Its not good for you, your unborn child and your duaghter. What happens if he decides one day to lay his fists into your precious daughters face and leave her mentally and physically scarred for the rest of her life?

You are these childrens mother - your job is to protect your children. In the words of the famous Dr Phil "children would rather be from a broken home than live in one"

What answer will you have for your children when one day they are old enough to ask you "why did you put us thorugh that mum?"

There are so many other men out there who WILL NEVER think its ok to hit a woman, let alone a pregnant one. And regardless of whether he was drunk or not, it is no excuse. And yes, 6 beers every night is excessive and menas he is an alcoholic.

And the last question for you - why do you think that you are deserving of this treatment? There must be a part of you that accepts this is your 'due' otherwise you would have left already. I can tell you, if my partner (who grew up in a physically violent household with an alcholoic father) ever hit me that would be the end. Even though we are currently 10 yrs and 2.5kids that makes absolutely no difference. I would leave him in a heartbeat if that ever happened. But you know what? He never would, he knows first hand the effects that his fathers violence had on him as a child and has CHOSEN to not be like him.

He has a great deal of anger in him and a lot of rage, he cansometimes explode over the silliest of things, but I have never felt scared around him and he never would lay a finger on his kids.

Yes, I know I am being really blunt, but you need to hear this and understand if not for you but for your children you deserve to be safe, feel protected, not be afraid and have a healthy loving relationship that doesn't involve fighting, alcohol abuse, emotional and physical violence.

Good luck and I hope you can get the help you need.

You cannot stay in this relationship. He has crossed the line and there is no going back. If he is capable of striking a woman, let alone a pregnant one, then he has serious personal issues. Now that he has had one strike, it will be easier and easier to take it just a little bit further next time and then the time after that and then the time after that. This is a massive deal and should be treated as such. he has broken the law and assaulted someone he supposedly loves. I hope for the sake of you and your children, you leave him and start building a new, safer life.
Im very sorry to hear that you and your children are going through this. It has touched my heart. My mums mum was an Alcoholic and then passed it onto my uncle, so we have had to deal with this in our family as well. It would be alot harder in your position seeing as he is the father of your babies.. but in saying that he is meant to look after you and the children and set a good example and be a positive role model. i know people have said this over and over again but kids really are just like sponges the absorb everything, and when they see things like this they tend to start behaving badly or having some other sort of behavoural probs.

I think you know what is best for you and your children, B/c when you have your first you realise you now are responsible for that persons life and the way they grow up.. and you also need to look after YOU... if there is no YOU then there is nobody for those kids.

When i was going through postnatal depression (sorry completely diff thing) a midwife asked me when you go on a plane who puts the oxygen mask on first? and i said mum puts it on her kids first (thinkin naturally) and then she said no you put it on yourself, you cant help the kids if your passed out!

ok now im babbling, i do that when i try to help lol.

i really hope you make the right decision for you and you babies, it breaks my heart that somebody has to go through this and im sorry but it wont stop. being a single mother isnt all bad, there is so many supporting networks out there just waiting to help.

good luck, ill be thinking of you xxo
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