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Need advice re SIL Rss

I would really appreciate advice on the situation I have with my sister in law.

1) She and her husband (my DH brother) are the only ones in the family that know we convieved via IVF. In fact SIL came to several appointments with me. They also went through IVF and concieved before us. When I had a success and was pregnant with Lachie she continually rang my DH and told him she could not believe we were pregnant and resented us for it. It should be her baby etc. DH screened the calls from me but one day she came over when DH wasn't home and told me I shouldn't be pregnant and she couldn't cope with our baby. This really really hurt and shocked me. Ever since then she barely talks to be and since I beame pregnant again she acts as though I am not even in the room. I really don't wnat her near this baby when it is born, nor do I want her to come into the hospital. What do I do?

2) Their son, my godson, has very bad behavioural problems. Without reporting everything he has done the worst of it includes trying to smother Lachie (a deliberate act). My nephew is about to turn 4 this month. I have seen him punch, kick, bite both children and adults. I have also been kicked, shoved and punched by him. My SIL just says - he is a 3 year old you can't expect anymore from him. I am worried that Lachie either may be seriously injured or copy his behaviour. I am also scared to have him around my baby when it arrives.

To be fair to my SIL I feel I should add that she does suffer from depression and I try to tell myself her behavour stems from this. However I just feel sometimes we excuse too much of her behavour because of the depression and sometimes she is just being plain rude and uncaring. I just don't know how much more I can cope with the situation.

Please help!

You poor thing! It must be hard for you to cope with a pregnancy while having someone who used to be close to you resenting you for it!! I can sort of feel for your SIL. She must be struck with jealousy and is finding it hard to be happy for you when she so desperately pines for a baby herself. I know this because I was in a similar situation not long ago. My husband's cousin (we are close) fell pregnant when she knew that we had been trying. The difference between you and the cousin is she used to ring up constantly and rub it in my face, and go on about how lucky she was to be pregnant and I wasn't. I ended up pregnant eventually and she lost the baby. Now I am afraid of telling her that I am pregnant because I don't want her to be upset or jealous that I have a baby that 'she's supposed to have'. I'm sure that your SIL will get over her problem and learn to be happy for you. Just try not to spend too much time around her and focus on yourself and the pregnancy....you can't afford to be stressing over your SIL and her unability to be happy for you. Also with your Godson, try not to let Lachie be around him too much. Clearly it seems that he (your godson) seems to be going through some problems, and will probably be a bad influence on your son. I would just constantly remind Lachie that your godson's behaviour is wrong and will not be tolerated with you. Hope that helps!
p.s sorry its so long!!!

Hi Elisa!

First of all let me just say I am very sympathetic of your situation, and I am sorry that you have to deal with all these issues when your pregnant and chasing a toddler around!

1) I can't really relate to the IVF thing, however my situation was the reverse of yours not so long ago! While me and my husband struggled for 3 years to fall pregnant, my SIL fell pregnant 4 times, to 4 different men, had 3 aborted, and the other was stillborn. She also has a 4 1/2 year old son. Though I didn't act in any way similar to your SIL, and didn't say anything, it did seem unfair and can relate to the type of feelings she was/is having! However, I'm not saying how she has behaved is right! Considering that she is family, and was doing the IVF thing at the same time as you, a rational person would think she would be happy for you and your DH! On the other hand I have dealt with depression in the past and also have seen family and friends go through it, my father was so bad he ended his own life! Let me just say it does weird things to you, I know I look back on things I have done and can't figure out what the hell was going on in my mind!
As for not wanting a her at the hospital or near your bubs, I can't give advice cos I am in need of some for the same thing! I know how you feel, I don't want her there or around, AT ALL!

2) While I can not offer advice on your nephew, again I can relate, our nephew has been the only grandchild/child for the 4 1/2 years of his life, so is use to all attention etc. He also has a tendancy for temper tantrums and violence. I have spent some time trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Luckily DH doesnt really want much to do with his sister, so he agrees that we avoid them!

I hope I have been some help, I have tried to offer advice from both sides, I hope I haven't upset you or offended you!
Keep your head up, don't let her get to you to much and focus on your little boy and bundle of joy!

Hugs grin

Amy & daughters Jada 10/07/06, Alana 07/04/08

Hello smile

wow ur SIL sounds like a real cow. Dont let having depression be a factor for her behaviour, i've suffered from depression before but it didn't mean i turned into a complete jerk!

I think you should just forget about her, she really isn't worth your time, why should she be jealous of you? She is just being silly and you really dont need that kind of stress, you dont have to be surrounded by people like that so tell her to get lost, well thats what i would do anyway.

As for the little boy with the bad behaviour, you cant really do anything about the way he acts because he isn't your child so not your responsibility nor do you have the right to disaplin him. But your responsibility is to your own child and to keep him safe, so just keep him away from this other little boy, i mean if you dont feel safe around the 3 yr old then dont put your child in that danger.

Hope everything sorts itself out, congratulations on the IVF btw, thats so cool that it was successful!

Bec xo
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