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Can't announce pregnancy for fear of upsetting others. Lock Rss

Hi Everyone,

I have just discovered that i am pregnant with our 4th baby, I am soooo excited and over the moon, i feel guilty for feeling excited which i know sounds strange. I have a close friend going through IVF, and she has pretty much said if anyone gets pregnant she won't talk to them anymore, i know she is going through an emotional rollercoaster atm (this is her 4th round, she is half way through a cycle) I have no idea when is the right time to tell her and risk upsetting myself and her with the news, i hate fighting with friends sad

I was just starting to deal with this, then we told our brother in law who works away that we are pregnant and he said straight up not to tell his wife as she will get upset cause they have been trying with no luck for a year.

I just feel really crappy and upset that i can't tell the world about our wonderful news, i feel silly for feeling like this, i am happy but scared and stressed about upsetting my loved ones.

I don't know what to do about the situation, i don't want to upset myself as well as them if they react badly.

Has anyone else ever been in this kind of situation or am i just weird lol.
GBH - Congratulations on your pregnancy...this is one place you can shout and be proud!

Unfortunately it is a catch 22 situation! You cannot please everyone all the time, at some point you need to be happy and celebrate the pending baby!


Unfortunately you cannot hide it for ever! You will have to tell them eventually, perhaps sooner is better as they may become offended that you were not honest, especially when your bump becomes obvious.... You know your family and friend, would it be best coming from you or someone else?

I am not sure when your bump appears or how long you can hide it (should you want/need to), but generally it gives you somewhere around 16 weeks(give or take a bit) to tell them...

I had something similar, a lady I worked with had a miscarriage 6mos before I became pregnant...I did not know what to do, so one day I just came out with it. She appreciated my honesty and for not wrapping her in cotton wool! A couple of months later she announced her pregnancy!
I understand i can't hide it forever.

I just wish i could get in a more positive frame of mind, i hate keeping secrets from ppl, but i have been warned by others not to let it out yet, its killing me inside, its putting a whole negative spin on being pregnant.

Its hard to explain, My ivf friend has a Pregnancy test in the last week of december, she has just had fertilised egg transferred back to her, if i told her now and she got upset and something happened to her possibility of getting pregnant i would never forgive myself.

Just seems this time round no one is happy for us, they are just all worried about everyone else (as selfish as that sounds) i just know that i would be happy for ppl who where pregnant no matter what my cirumstances.


Thanks for your input. I am really bad at explaining what is going on in my head, all i know is i feel really depressed right now cause i can't tell the world.
Hi

last year when I was preg (bubba is now 9mths) my poor SIL went thru 2 cycles of IVF no bubba tho sad

It was so hard I felt such giult over my growing belly but we actually bonded thru the first cycle with I think my belly gave her positive thoughts but the second cycle failed 1month before I gave birth and it was hard for her to visit her niece for few weeks

I tried to include her in the pregnancy sio that she felt involved and experience it with us but it was always in the back of my mind how she might b upset - we talked and she said she gets upset over seeing teen pregs etc but that she was happy for me and being an aunty again

your baby is a miracle and will be special like all other babies I think i'd rather have peiople b honest with me than hide things from me
Sorry, I was not aware about the timing for your friend....I would wait until after she tests as I too would not be able to live with myself either....

It is only a couple of weeks away...that is not too long to continue the secret?

What about the family member? Could you ask her husband when would be a good time?

Have you someone close to you to talk about your pregnancy?? Someone to celebrate with?
Hi,

I've been on the other side of this. I had a mc the day before my 30th at 12wks It really sucked as it was a complete shock to us as there was no sign that something was wrong. In the space of a week I had 6 people tell me that they were preg. One tried to hide it, but I caught the look, so I already knew. I was shattered.

The advice I would give you is to wait for your friend to finish this IVF cycle (hopefully she get good news) and then tell her. Sit down with her and tell her the truth.

As for your IL's just tell them. No point hiding it as they would be more upset that you didn't tell them.

Whilst I was upset, I admired everyone for telling me. It was just a little hard to take 6 pregnancies announced a week after MC (2 of them ended in MC too so we could all talk together about it).

You should be over the moon about it. Don't let it get you down. Just tell them and I am sure that they will be happy for you (maybe not initially ... they may need time to process). I hope you have a great pregnancy and all goes well.

I just realised that I forgot to say Congratulations! So Congratulations! grin

What about the family member? Could you ask her husband when would be a good time?

Have you someone close to you to talk about your pregnancy?? Someone to celebrate with?



Not sure what to do about the other family member, only person i really have to talk to and be happy with is hubby, we told my MIL and FIL on the weekend and they just seem more concerned about how SIL will feel.

Fingers crossed all goes well in the new year when i tell everyone, thanks, i really just needed to vent, so frustrating having such a different range of emotions going on at once.
Hi
I understand exactly what you are saying but in a different circumstance!
Im a hairdresser and had a client who I was really close with..... Sadly she went through about 3 really late misscariges.....Then when I found out I was pregnant it took me a long time to get the courage to tell her because I didn't want to upset her!
When I told her she was upset and just sort of left...She later came back to say sorry and congradulate me....I felt really bad about the situation!
However she now has two beautiful twin girls!
So I know how you feel although it would be worse for you as these people are really close to you and are contantly in you life!
I think either way they are not going to take the news well and the longer you leave it the harder it's going to get...I would however wait till after Christmas when your friend does her test!
Best wishes for your pregnancy!
xxx
I was is a very similar situation, my cousin would have been due the same week i was & the day i began to announce my news to people was the same day she announced she had m/c (i had no idea what had happened until i had already told my nan & other cousins) after that my cousin would not speak to me, she would not even acknowledge my exsistence, she even went as far to tell my other reletives they were not allowed to speak of me & my unborn son near her, she would not come to christmas lunch & ever since son was born she has not even acknowledged his exsistence, she was even standing right next to me at my cousins 1st birthday & said hello to everyone but me & my son, & to make it worse it turns out she was 20 weeks pregnant at christmas time & had been hiding it from the whole family. The whole situatiin was awful & really put a downer on what should have been a happy time for me & my family, although i do feel fir her for what happened i think she was incredibally rude, selfish & plain childish the way she has carried on, it was as if i was a bad person because i didnt have a m/c, or that my son doesnt deserve to live because of what happened to her. Whatever happens with your friend & sil try not to feel to guilty about it, all children are miracles & it should be a happy time in your life. Congratulations
Yeah I went through this. My BIL and SIL had been trying for a baby for about 14 months or something. They had been through all sorts of treatments, medications, naturopaths.. everything. There were going to start IVF in a couple of months.
When we had to tell them that I was pregnant, we were so scared (more-so about SIL as she gets very cranky about the smallest things and likes to hold grudges, and this was a HUGE thing) As we expected she cracked the shits and wouldn't talk to us, but kept telling the rest of the family that it wasn't because I was pregnant, it was the way we told her. She said she felt like we were rubbing it in her face (not what we were trying to do of course).
But about a month later she comes out and tells everyone that she is pregnant too and then became all chummy with me again. Then we were like pregnancy buddies or something.

They are going to find out sooner or later. At some point you are going to have to bite the bullet and tell them, whether you want to or not. Good luck and congratulations.
I would hold off telling your friend (and anyone that would let it slip to her) until after her test and pray that she gets a BFP. Even if she gets a BFN then you still have to tell her but just do it carefully.

As for your SIL I would just tell her. Nothing worse than someone hiding it when it doesnt need to be hidden. She will get over it and if not then its her loss.

We were trying for DS for ages and i ended up having an operation to get things happening, when I was in hospital SIL rang to see how I was and told me they werent going to try until after Christmas, thing is she knew she was already pregant. I was pissed off that she lied to me (oh and that they announced it at DD's 1st birthday to everyone, not appropriate). I didnt care that she was pregant but the lying got to both me and DH and also MIL and FIL.

The other thing you will need to be careful of is not to whinge about the trivial things like swollen feet, baby kicking too much etc as from experience that is what got me more then others being pregnant. I would have killed for all that to be happening and actually got jealous of it happening.

Hope that all makes sense.





Hi, very sorry to hear about your situation, it shouldbe a time for celebrations but can understand 100% why you feel the way you feel. I was in exactly the same boat with my best friend.

I was 6 months along with DS1 when she found out the 2nd round of IVF worked (after 2 years of tring naturally), everyone was over the moon, then when i was 8 months, and 2 days before Xmas (also my birthday), she came over to see me and just broke down, and said there was major problems and had to terminate. me being there 8 months pregnant, i felt horrible.

then before DS1 was 1 i found out we were expecting DS2 and my best friend still hadn't concieved her 1st. I dreaded telling her, she was always saying how everyone around her was pregnant and one friend even said to her "we are FINALLY pregnant, it took 2 months" and when she told me this she burst into tears saying if one more person falls before me i'll be so angry. and that one more person was me, and we fell without even trying.

i took her out to lunch just her and i and very gently broke the news, i was the one crying and saying how unfair it was and it should be her, and i was so sorry. yes, she was upset, angry, disappointed, but not with me, with the whole situation. she really appreciated my honesty and knew i didn't do this to upset her. it was a very hard and emotional lunch. she is the godmother of both my boys and this year she gave birth to twin girls.

so, it all worked out in the end, and i'm sure your friend will understand that you didn't do this to upset/annoy her and if she can't seperate her own stuff and be happy for you, then just keep your distance for a littl while.

hopefully it works out as well for you as it did for me! Good Luck!
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