Hi Everyone, this is more of a vent.. but thought I would share as I need to just get it out of my head.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and having our first child, a little girl.
This is the first grandchild for both my husbands and my parents.
My mother is incredibly excited, which is nice as my MIL, is kinda too busy and I never know how she feels about having a grandchild. She is happy but we are not really emotionally connected so I tend to just leave things be.
Anyway we live on the other side of the country from all of our family, and we've had many visitors in the past year and have travelled a bit too, so husbands available holiday leave is minimal. With the governments paid parental and work leave he only has 3 weeks.
We have made the decision that we would not like any family or interstate friends over for those first few weeks. We just do not have the time or the patience to accommodate anyone especially with a newborn. Husbands family respects his wishes and have told us to let them know when it is a good time to fly over.
My father called and asked the same thing, we agreed that May is a good time, and that gives us a good month for bonding with the baby.
All good right?
My sister, out of the blue starts sending me guilt messages " Mum is upset because she won't see the baby straight away.." "Mum wants to come over for a few days because she wants to see the baby while she is little.."
I don't think my mother knew my sister was sending me these texts.
I tried to be firm but felt emotionally torn, I felt terrible that my mother wouldnt be able to see her grandchild early, but then we had made it clear that we wanted my husband and I to have 3 weeks of solid baby bonding and routing. I mean ,I would feel awkward with my MIL around the house that early.
I was just so angry that my sister started this emotional guilt and I had spent the next 4 days just upset and not answering their calls.
My dad sent me a text asking what was wrong, and I thought he would be the best person to talk to about it. We had a mature agreement that May was the right time for us.I replied to him saying we feel guilted by my sister and we had made our decision.
I then got a reply from him, also guilting me. "you'll hurt your mothers feelings, i cant see what's wrong with her coming over for a day.." Seriously?? a $700 return flight for one day? I thought my father would be the one with who would understand our wishes, but clearly not.
I felt so emotionally blackmailed by the two of them I refused to talk to them.
My husband said he would chat to them, but I didnt want him to, it's not his family.
I sent them a long polite letter saying we love them but they had to respect our decision. I told them that we had to get used to our new little family and we need the 3 weeks bonding time. We have my family coming in May, His family coming in June and then guest arriving in August and a wedding to fly to in October. We need this time to ourselves.
My dad replied with
'fair enough". But my sister reminded us that 'although we have our little family, to remember we come from a much bigger family.'
That just made me angry again, and I havnt heard from any of them for about 2 weeks now.
Ironically I feel very alone now, and scared, but I'm just angry that this has become such an issue. I'm not good with confrontation and I get anxiety from it so I have not called them. I have moments where I'm "well they can just find out on facebook when the baby is born" to crying my eyes out because I have driven them away.
My husband is proud of me for standing firm against the pushiness. But I feel so conflicted now.
I'm 37 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and having our first child, a little girl.
This is the first grandchild for both my husbands and my parents.
My mother is incredibly excited, which is nice as my MIL, is kinda too busy and I never know how she feels about having a grandchild. She is happy but we are not really emotionally connected so I tend to just leave things be.
Anyway we live on the other side of the country from all of our family, and we've had many visitors in the past year and have travelled a bit too, so husbands available holiday leave is minimal. With the governments paid parental and work leave he only has 3 weeks.
We have made the decision that we would not like any family or interstate friends over for those first few weeks. We just do not have the time or the patience to accommodate anyone especially with a newborn. Husbands family respects his wishes and have told us to let them know when it is a good time to fly over.
My father called and asked the same thing, we agreed that May is a good time, and that gives us a good month for bonding with the baby.
All good right?
My sister, out of the blue starts sending me guilt messages " Mum is upset because she won't see the baby straight away.." "Mum wants to come over for a few days because she wants to see the baby while she is little.."
I don't think my mother knew my sister was sending me these texts.
I tried to be firm but felt emotionally torn, I felt terrible that my mother wouldnt be able to see her grandchild early, but then we had made it clear that we wanted my husband and I to have 3 weeks of solid baby bonding and routing. I mean ,I would feel awkward with my MIL around the house that early.
I was just so angry that my sister started this emotional guilt and I had spent the next 4 days just upset and not answering their calls.
My dad sent me a text asking what was wrong, and I thought he would be the best person to talk to about it. We had a mature agreement that May was the right time for us.I replied to him saying we feel guilted by my sister and we had made our decision.
I then got a reply from him, also guilting me. "you'll hurt your mothers feelings, i cant see what's wrong with her coming over for a day.." Seriously?? a $700 return flight for one day? I thought my father would be the one with who would understand our wishes, but clearly not.
I felt so emotionally blackmailed by the two of them I refused to talk to them.
My husband said he would chat to them, but I didnt want him to, it's not his family.
I sent them a long polite letter saying we love them but they had to respect our decision. I told them that we had to get used to our new little family and we need the 3 weeks bonding time. We have my family coming in May, His family coming in June and then guest arriving in August and a wedding to fly to in October. We need this time to ourselves.
My dad replied with
'fair enough". But my sister reminded us that 'although we have our little family, to remember we come from a much bigger family.'
That just made me angry again, and I havnt heard from any of them for about 2 weeks now.
Ironically I feel very alone now, and scared, but I'm just angry that this has become such an issue. I'm not good with confrontation and I get anxiety from it so I have not called them. I have moments where I'm "well they can just find out on facebook when the baby is born" to crying my eyes out because I have driven them away.
My husband is proud of me for standing firm against the pushiness. But I feel so conflicted now.