I need some advice...

Hello all,
I have a rather tricky situation that I have to deal with shortly and I'm not sure what to do because last time didn't go smoothly at all.

When I became pregnant with my daughter in 2013 my older sister had just found out that she had to have one of her ovaries removed, so we had to keep the announcement of our pregnancy really low-key and pretend that it was no big deal. This was hard because it was our first pregnancy and we were understandably really excited, but we couldn't show it around my sister.

My family kept telling us not to be too excited around my sister and 'rub it in' so my husband and I were left feeling quite deflated as it felt we had done something wrong by having a baby. I found out later that my sister had cried for weeks and ended up having to see someone about depression, which was really horrible because we have always been close and she won't talk to me about it.

ANYWAY... my husband and I have just found out that we are expecting our second child in November and will shortly be far enough along to tell people. However my sister has just found out that she now has to have her remaining ovary taken out so we are in the same boat again.

What should I do? I'm really upset for my sister who now can't have children of her own, but at the same time I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy and our new baby with my family as I felt last time that I had to avoid my family so that my pregnancy didn't upset my sister.

How do you think I should break the news (listen to me! The way it sounds like I've got some terrible secret) should I leave it up to my Mum to tell the family or should I do what we did last time where we told everyone together.

I really need some advice, encouragement, insight ANYTHING!

Congratulations I know it must be devastating and hard to deal with while your sister is again going through the same thing it's as if history is repeating itself I say yes privately talk to her and let her know how you feel about what is going in with her then kindly and respectively announce your news but remember no matter how you try and tell her it won't change that fact that she will be upset about your news I no what it feels like wanting to have kids and everyone around you is getting pregnant or giving birth even seeing pregnant people and new borns even looking at baby stuff breaks my heart but you have to stay strong and be there for each other she is your sister and you's have a special bond between you's like most sisters do but I think in my opinion talk to her privately just you two alone either way she has to except this it's not on you I hope I was some sort if help

Hi Leah, I'd like to pm you. I've sent you a follow request.

I agree with the others. Telling her in private is the most respectful way to let her know. As others have said, she's still going to be upset and it's still gonna hurt no matter which way you put it, but if it were me, I would much rather hear it coming from you in private. Plus to let her know first would be nice, but I'd let your mum know soon afterwards so that your mum can look for signs ad be there to support her!

Congrats on your pregnancy and its sad that you feel you can't be excited about it! Of corse you don't want to rub it in her face, but you guys have every right to be happy too!

Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

Good luck! It's a tough one!

Hi everyone,
Thanks for the support and the advice it has really helped, because I have just been putting it off in the hopes of coming up with some solution that will magically take all of the hurt away, even though I know there is no way to erase it.

My family lives in Otago and my husband and I are in Auckland so we are heading down in May and will tell everyone then. I'm defiantly going to tell my sister in private so I will make sure that my husband and daughter vanish off as I think even seeing her cute, little niece that she loves to distraction could be too much for my sister when I tell her.

Hopefully the fact that this is our second child takes a bit of the edge off as we made no secret that we have always planned to have 2 children. My sister was so amazing and came to stay when I went into labour with my daughter, it just shows how tough she is.

Hi I'm agree with other his right and Congratulations on your pregnancy

Congratulations & Celebrations!! smile

You know Leah, it is really very hard time for your sister & other side for you in telling everyone about this good news. Just tell your sister privately & she will definitely feel happy for you and then your family. But I think you would also adopt a baby for you sister. Don;t take me wrong but this could be the way to come out your sister out of depression.

What you say?