I don’t want another baby but DH does

I recently started struggling with anxiety and this concreted my decision that I didn’t want anymore children so I decided to tell my DH who since finding out I have anxiety continuously brings it up adding more fuel to my worries. When he first bought it up, I told him I didn’t want to think about it as I was trying to adapt to my life with anxiety. That I could barely look after myself let alone a baby. He didn’t quite understand and continued to bring it up. Our DD is 3 and he thinks it’s now or never to do this regardless of how I am feeling. He kept thinking once I got control of my anxiety I would change my mind and kept telling me to change the way I think. However ,the more I kept thinking about it the more I realized that another child is not what I wanted. I always thought I wanted two kids but after having experienced a traumatic birth, almost losing my DD and then struggling with BF and having to deal with the nasty comments about why I was formula feeding and struggling with PND, I realized she was perfect and she was enough. My life felt complete. So I decided to set things straight and told him straight out that I know it may hurt him but this was something I did not want. I didn’t want him to live in false hope that it may happen and if he chose to leave me to fulfil his dreams, then I would understand. He eventually came around and told me he was fine with just our DD and that hewould never leave me.

However since then my DH keeps putting the guilt trip on me by saying I can’t just have an only child as it is not fair to her. Once again making me feel bad and adding to my anxiety. I don’t want to bring a child into this world who I may resent and then have it cause me to resent my DH and not allow me to be the best mum I can be to my DD. I’m also tired of it being brought up when I no longer want to live with these anxious thoughts and just want to live my life.

I already feel so guilty and angry at myself for letting him down but how can I get him to understand that I’m trying to not only do what’s best for me, but what is best for us. I understand he has every right to feel this way but I like to think that it is my body and I at least get to control this.

Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Anyone else just have one child and feel complete like I do?

Hey honey. I know it's tough. But you need to have some will and conviction. You can't let him make your decisions. The time is now. Put your foot down. Let him know you both can have a baby when you feel like it. Because it's not a light thing. Tell him not to be selfish. If an unwanted child is brought up, he/she will resent you both, and bear so much pain in their life. Think about that soul. Take care.

Hi dear! I hope you are doing good. I feel so sorry to hear your story. I can understand your situation. But you have to be strong. How can you rely on someone else decision? This is your life and in the end, you have to fight for yourself. Nobody is going to help you in the way as you can. That pain you are feeling I can understand. Unfortunately, I am infertile. I was trying to conceive baby from last 7 years. I went to many doctors with my husband for treatments but everyone said that we both don't have any problem. still why I don't have a baby then? It makes me sad sometimes badly. I heard about the surrogacy then that it is one of the safe and best solutions for such couples. I am planing with my husband for surrogacy now. This is a very important decision for us to make to choose the right clinic for us this time. May God help all those couples out there who are facing such problems. May God bless you!

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for making me realise that what I am doing isn't wrong. Sometimes I feel like I need reassurance because I cannot get it from him and as I said because I don't want to let him down, I feel like I am the one being selfish. Then I try and remind myself that I am not being selfish, in fact I am doing the opposite as it would be selfish to bring a child into this world that I didn't want. I think he sometimes must think it means I don't love or care about our DD because I don't want anymore, but it is not the case. It makes me cry thinking about it just writing this down.

Dorry12, I am sorry for what you are going through and I wish you and your husband all the best in your journey.

hi there. It is definitely understandable that you are worried about yourself. It's definitely the first priority for many. I wish you all the best for it. Considering your health and financial situation is really important. Although as much as I would love to say that goes for the second right I would want you to think through it. As you already have a child and you have to ensure a stable future for her. If you think you will be able to manage that then all good. My love and support are there for you always. Good luck!

That's natural, I know. I can understand your situation. But it's not a big issue. You both can handle this with mutual understanding. You should listen to him and so should he. But I think you need to make him understand first. Try to talk to him again. But be very sweet and polite to him. Don't disagree with him. Just tell him your point of view. And tell him that you respect his decision. I believe that waiting for some more time will be better. It may help you change your thoughts. For now, just ask your husband to give you some more time.

Hey there. So sorry to hear you out. It must have been a difficult journey for you. But you don't have to stress yourself out because of it. There is this clinic biotexcom that deals with fertility and stuff. They are also going to have an open session event soon. I think you should check it out. It would be worth an experience.

Hello, hope you are well! That's natural if you have a baby the wish of other one arises! I know what you are talking about! But there is nothing to worry about! Don't let him down! Handle him with care! I know you are right to some extent! But his wish is also not wrong! Financial situations are very important while planning a baby! I am also infertile! But a clinic in Ukraine has solved my problem! I have signed a contract with them! My surrogate is 3 months pregnant! She is too good for us! I am anxiously waiting for my gender scan! I hope the conflicts between you both are solved soon! Take good care of your health!

Hey, there dear. Sometimes it is hard to convince the partner in situations like these. I hope he will understand. You guys just have to talk in this matter. Let each other know what you guys truly want. Sure the solution will come. Also, consult the best clinic in Europe. They will also help you in this situation. As they always have been able to support and help people. Good luck dear.

Hey there, hope youre good. i can really understand where youre coming from. People dont understand anxiety. They think that people who suffer from anxiety are just exagerrating stress. They dont understand how finding yourself shaking and trembling in situations where you should be showing strength can be destructive for your self esteem. But i think that you should hold your ground and put your foot down. Its your body and its your choice. Dont let him control you. Also communicate with him. Tell him that how having babies is not in your cards right now. If he doesnt respect you then i think you deserve better. Not having siblings isnt unfair to your daughter. He just knows how to play with words. Please take care of your health and dont bend. I wish you the best of luck.

This is really tough. I hope you are doing any better. What are you really doing to cope up with the anxiety? I think once you cope up with this you will have no problem in agreeing to what your husband wants. Give your mind a little break. A little peace will help you take a better decision. This can be only be sorted out when you talk to him. Take him to his favourite restaurant, or go for watching a movie or either make him his favourite food and then talk about what you want. Express your feelings. And, then listen to his thoughts. Take your time and then come to a final decision. Think about the pros and cons. Mutually decide what you guys really want. I hope this can be of any help. Take care! And, best of luck!!

The only thing i have noticed that is creating mess in your life is miscommunication. You are not telling him exactly how you feel about all this. This is causing the problem actually. you both need to sit together and talk about what you both want. The only key to make a relationship healthy and develop understanding in communication. Share how feel about every little thing with your spouse to develop understanding. I am sure of you will with him why you are not ready for baby, he will understand. And he will support you as well. Just talk to him. this is only solution.