I recently started struggling with anxiety and this concreted my decision that I didn’t want anymore children so I decided to tell my DH who since finding out I have anxiety continuously brings it up adding more fuel to my worries. When he first bought it up, I told him I didn’t want to think about it as I was trying to adapt to my life with anxiety. That I could barely look after myself let alone a baby. He didn’t quite understand and continued to bring it up. Our DD is 3 and he thinks it’s now or never to do this regardless of how I am feeling. He kept thinking once I got control of my anxiety I would change my mind and kept telling me to change the way I think. However ,the more I kept thinking about it the more I realized that another child is not what I wanted. I always thought I wanted two kids but after having experienced a traumatic birth, almost losing my DD and then struggling with BF and having to deal with the nasty comments about why I was formula feeding and struggling with PND, I realized she was perfect and she was enough. My life felt complete. So I decided to set things straight and told him straight out that I know it may hurt him but this was something I did not want. I didn’t want him to live in false hope that it may happen and if he chose to leave me to fulfil his dreams, then I would understand. He eventually came around and told me he was fine with just our DD and that hewould never leave me.
However since then my DH keeps putting the guilt trip on me by saying I can’t just have an only child as it is not fair to her. Once again making me feel bad and adding to my anxiety. I don’t want to bring a child into this world who I may resent and then have it cause me to resent my DH and not allow me to be the best mum I can be to my DD. I’m also tired of it being brought up when I no longer want to live with these anxious thoughts and just want to live my life.
I already feel so guilty and angry at myself for letting him down but how can I get him to understand that I’m trying to not only do what’s best for me, but what is best for us. I understand he has every right to feel this way but I like to think that it is my body and I at least get to control this.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Anyone else just have one child and feel complete like I do?
However since then my DH keeps putting the guilt trip on me by saying I can’t just have an only child as it is not fair to her. Once again making me feel bad and adding to my anxiety. I don’t want to bring a child into this world who I may resent and then have it cause me to resent my DH and not allow me to be the best mum I can be to my DD. I’m also tired of it being brought up when I no longer want to live with these anxious thoughts and just want to live my life.
I already feel so guilty and angry at myself for letting him down but how can I get him to understand that I’m trying to not only do what’s best for me, but what is best for us. I understand he has every right to feel this way but I like to think that it is my body and I at least get to control this.
Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Anyone else just have one child and feel complete like I do?