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What do I do now? Lock Rss

Hi guys,

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my first. I have had a few problems during this pregnancy and at the moment I am struggling emotionally.

My Husband and I have been married for 4 years and I love him to bits. The problem is that since I have been pregnant he has became distant and the problem is getting worse. We don't have sex because I haven't been well but he doesn't even make an effort to kiss or cuddle. He has been out drinking a lot more than usual and twice when I had been sent home due to pregnancy problems, he came home late evening drunk. When we spoke about our feelings he says he is looking forward to being a Dad and can't wait to meet his baby, but then he goes and pulls stunts like coming home 3 hours late, stinking of drink.

This weekend I even slept on the sofa because he got drunk and went on the phone to his Dad saying that I was being moody and started laughing over the phone. I was diagnosed with having high blood pressure last week and he doesn't seem to care.

I have only been in Australia for just over 2 years and have no family here or close friends to confide in. Someone please tell me what to do now!!
Most men will go through a bit of pre baby blues before their first bub arrives. They think that it means an end to a part of their lives, the partying part! Right now you really need to take care of yourself though, so just let him get it out of his system for now. I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends on this site and as soon as the baby arrives make sure you get into a mothers group. Where do you live??
Hi lonelymum2b,

I'm no expert in this kind of thing so I'm not going to pretend to know what I'm talking about, but I just wanted to say that I really feel for you and I know how hard you must be doing it at the moment. I had a pretty horrible pregnancy and I hated even having the slightest argument with my fiance when I was pregnant, let alone putting up with what you have had to put up with!!

My only suggestion to you is that you really start to concentrate on looking after yourself and your baby. As hard as it is to go through this period on your own, if you're not getting any support from your husband, then you really need to focus on you and not let his lack of support get you down. I don't mean shut him out all together, but think about the energy that you are wasting on worrying about him - you could be using that energy to look after yourself. Maybe once he sees that you are paying less attention to him he will stop acting the way he is. I don't know if he's feeling the same way as what my fiance was when I was pregnant, but my fiance was really jealous that I didn't have as much time for him. Could your husband be a little threatened by your baby-to-be that maybe he is doing all of this for your attention? I don't know, it's just an idea. Or maybe he is just getting daddy cold feet, even though he says he is excited. Give him some space and some time to be himself and work out his own feelings - in the mean time please please please look after yourself!!! Especially with the high blood pressure.

If you want to email me to vent or just for a chat, my email address is [email protected]

Take care,
Jess

Hayden's mummy

I have not been in your position so cannot advise you, but I do understand what it is like being in a new country and without family and close friends. I had only been here just over a year when I had my last baby and was always in tears on the phone to my family back home. Where abouts are you living you many find there are people on this site who live near you and would happliy meet up for coffee and a chat. I am sure that your husband cares he is just not doing a good job of showing it, men just don't understand the whole pregnancy thing! You try and keep strong all this stress will not help your blood pressure.

Nikki, Brissie, mum of 3,

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