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Am I expecting too much from him? Lock Rss

hi all. I know this is a long one but I really appreciate you reading and replying with any advice you may have. im 25 and am 18 weeks pregnant with first baby. my partner has been pretty supportive but i just want so much more from him. his excitement and interest seems to have dimished from when we first found out we were expecting. he's not interested in reading anything about pregnancy which makes it hard because he doesn't understand everything im going thru, like mood swings, tiredness, etc.

I've expressed my concern to him and given him plenty of encouragement but it doesn't make any difference. I don't know if he's just lazy or what. I've made the effort to read about concerns that first time fathers can have, like worries about finances, etc, and have been happy to do all I can to ease his mind about any worries he has. I just don't feel the same from him about my concerns.

Last night he told me that as soon as the baby is born he wants to hold it to his chest first because i've already got an emotional and physical connection with the baby from carrying it in me. This made me so upset - the thought that after all the physically and emotionally exhausting work of giving birth, that the baby wouldn't be placed straight on my breast where it is best for it to be according to all the research i've done. Of course I want my partner right there with me, but why can't he be happy holding both of us together at first and then hold the baby by himself soon after?

All this has made me pretty upset and I've cried a fair bit, which worries me about the affect it has on the baby. I've asked my partner to please comfort me whenever im crying as it makes me feel a lot better, but most of the time he just gets upset with me for being upset and walks away. It's so frustrating! It makes me sad because I've read about lots of other partners who show they care so much about their expecting partner by doing all they can to make sure she is happy and stress free. Am I expecting to much from my partner?

due 02/11/06

Hey, I hope this doesnt upset you but maybe you are expecting too much. I only say this because im in the exact same boat as you and have only just realised that i can only get so much excitement from my partner.
I've cried alot throughout my whole pregnancy cos i feel like he's not excited and he doesnt know how to show it, or he seems like he's not interested. I always thought when i got pregnant, he'd be the 'talking to my belly' type guy cos he loves kids but he wont and i usually have to place his hand on my belly otherwise he wont. Its hard to deal with, i know... but once the bub is here, he'll respect you so much and love that little baby inside you!
I would understand if my partner would want to hold the baby first as throughtout these whole 40weeks were the ones who bond with the baby, feel them move and kick, know when they're hiccuping... And the boys dont get to feel it like we do! A quick cuddle between father and baby wont ruin your bond that you have and can be placed straight on your breast afterwards.
You also gotta think of the women that have Caesearean's. Most cases dont get to see their bubs while they're in recovery and still have gorgeous baby's with a great bond. I do feel for you so much though cos i know how hard it is to handle. I always cried cos i thought he didnt love me or this baby and felt 'trapped' but they don't. My partner also gets frustrated at me when im upset and i try to bring the topic up and he'll just curse and walk away. But they do understand its just hormones (trust me, im the party joke now) I think they're just scared that a little life will be dependent on him soon. You'll be okay sweetie! Just think you're nearly half way to seeing your little bubba! You gotta be strong for them, thats what us mummy's do smile
Hi,

I dont think you're expecting too much!

Maybe my opinion is like this coz my partner is the opposite to yours, but i think that we are the ones who carry Bubs for 40 weeks and we have to deal with our bodies changing, sleeping, eating and dressing differently, and ultimately, we are the ones who are doing all the 'hard work' nurturing Bubs in our tummy, and then giving birth to our little munchkins. And if you want to have the first hold of Bub on your chest then i think he should respect your wishes.

Yes its his baby too, but he cant just decide on when he wants to become excited and when he doesnt!

And even though our partners get the raw end of our mood swings, we have to deal with ourselves too.. its just as hard for us to deal with as it is for them!

What if it was vice versa and he was the 'mum' and you were being like him??? He would cry just as you did! (probably even longer tho coz guys are a bunch of pansys and sooks! LOL! Imagine them trying to give birth! smile )

Hope i dont sound mean, but what if us mummys took interest when it suited us??

Jaz

Hi I know how u feel coz whenever i get upset my man gets angry, and when i say i just need a hug he says whats the use now when u have told me.
Dont worry if he thinks he will hold the baby first bcoz it wont work out how he wants it.
I tell my guy things about being pregnant and goes in 1 ear n out the other and he hasnt read 1 thing about being pregnant, so u r not alone.
U r not expecting 2 much but sometimes they need 2 b told 10 times b4 nything gets thru.
Its frustrating but men can be like that, they come around eventually.
Take care and relax, dont worry ur bub will b here soon! So smile!
Love Becky

Mum2Nath&Jess

Hi Tru,

I have just one thing to say.

They are men darling.

They don't think like us women and I for one am gratefull for that. I know it would be nice if they got all excited and they are in their own strange way believe me, they just don't show it like us. My Hubby has been my rock throughout this pregnancy and his cool level head has helped smooth out some of the bumps of the emotional roller coaster, if they thought like us that wouldn't happen.

As far as getting them to read ANYTHING about pregnancy, it's not going to happen sweety, again that's just not how guys work but talk to him in your less emotional moments about what you have read, tell him what is going on with your body, tell him what stage of development bubs is at. Read the weekly guide and occasionally update him on how big bubs is especially length but don't do it too often. Once I told my hubby just off hand that bubs was about 10cm long and he immediately held his hands about 10cm appart and looked at me with amazement and said "that's tiny", it really engaged him, just don't do it too often as he will get sick of it.

Also have you had any scans yet? My DH has come to all my scans so far and he stands back and just watches the screen with the most adorable goofy look on his face it is really sweet, just because he isn't openly excited and bouncing around doesn't mean he isn't.

I think that you may be expecting a bit much from him, just remember that he is a guy and he will react as guys do and the more you push him to behave differently the more frustrated he will get. but at the same time it sounds like he could be a bit more supportive of your emotional needs.

As far as having the first hold is concerned dont' worry, after he has seen you go through labour he will be happy to let you hold the baby first. I know my sis and bil couldn't agree on the name of my niece before she was born and as soon as she was out and healthy my bil turned to my sis and said you can call her whatever you want.

All the best
Hello,

I dont think you are expecting to much. I am 26 and my husband is 32. We had a still born son nearly 7 years ago and late last year i found out that i was pregnant and we didnt want to have children anymore. When i told him he wasnt really interested. Acted like he didnt care but the first time he felt it move and then when he saw the bubs on the ultrasound it made him take more of an interest.
Maybe it will be the same for you. I know it is hard for you because you have all these hormones racing around that you dont understand. I am now 31 weeks pregnant and i still dont understand it.
I think everything will work out fine but if you would like someone to chat to dont hesitate to email me on [email protected] It makes it easier if you can get it off your chest and good lick with it all.

Tina
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