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  5. who there with you when giving birth?

who there with you when giving birth? Lock Rss

i just had a fight with my parents.
my dad ask m if he wasnt going to be in the room when i give birth, and i said no.
then my mum started going on about how she wanted to be there, and 'everyone else she knows whos doughter had a baby was in the room'

i dont want anyone in there but my partner.

If i have my mum there DPs mum (who i dont get along with) will have to be there. then dad said he wants to be there, so that means DPs dad will have to be there and as his parents are divorced and dont get along all hell would break loose.

Now my mums going one about how much she is dissapointed.

it just makes me angry why does it always hav to about them?
i'm the one having a baby nad thats the last thing i want the staring at!

who did the you have in the room with you when your had your babies and why?


sorry i just needed to vent

Kellie~ DS Rylan Jonathon 24/12/06 Ezekiel Arthur

Hi Kellie

It is entirely your decision who comes with you for the birth of your baby. It is your body and your baby. It is a shame that your parents reacted in such a way, they should be more supportive and respect your wishes.

My mother came along for the birth of our first baby only because I was having complications and hubby needed a breather. I didn't want to be on my own but could see he needed time out.

The second time around I just had hubby and had a straight forward labour and birth and it was great just sharing that special moment with him.

Kristi

4 lovely munchkins DD 10/03, DD 03/05, DS 10/06 &

Hi Kellie,

It is your's and your partners decision as to who is in attendance at the birth. Don't worry about anyone else. I know its your mum, but you have whoever you want. You don't need to be pressured into having anyone there you don't want. If they don't understand or feel disappointed then it is there problem not yours.

You are pretty exposed during the birth and I wouldn't have been comfortable with my inlaws or Dad being present.

If I went naturally (my DS had other ideas, so had to have an emergency c-section) my partner was the only person invited into the room.

I also arranged for a support person for my DP just in case he needed a break or couldn't handle seeing me in pain. She was going to sit in the waiting room and wait to see if she was needed. This person was someone I knew I would be confortable with seeing me at my worst and was also someone I knew my DP would be able to relate with during a stressful situation.

Good luck and don't worry about anyones feelings but for yours, your partners and your childs. Its your birth and everyone else can go and jump in a lake.

Julie

Julie, Townsville, Dylan 3/3/06

thanks for your resposes guys.
it helps knowing other people are going through the same thing.

my mum still isnt talking to me and acting like a dam child!

i talked it over again with my DP and he still thinks the same as me, just me and him there, its our baby. and he doesnt want anyone else there apart from drs and midwife.


im so cranky with her for making me out to be the bad guy over this.

Kellie~ DS Rylan Jonathon 24/12/06 Ezekiel Arthur

OMG do we have the same mother? I'm about to have my second bub and the "Every other grandmother I know get's to ........." has not stopped since my son (3 1/2 years) was born. I'm not trying to be mean but my mother is the last person I would want in the room, as for my dad well he runs for the closest exit at the mere mention of a Vagina. My mum is currently sulking too about not getting her supposed grandparent rights but it really is a case of tough luck. Unfortunately threatening to throw herself infront of a bus doesn't work anymore. my two sisters and I regularly wonder why they have to make every situation about them, during pregnancy no1 when my mum was really upsetting me everytime we spoke my dad told me that I was just going to have to cut her some slack and go easy on her as becoming a grandparent was a big thing for her as if becoming a mum wasn't for me. Anyway they have been the same with each of my sisters through 3 births and 7 miscarriages it's always about them. Sorry to take up your post with my vent but long and the short of it is only my hubby was there the first time and the same it will be this time. Take care and good luck.

Hi,

I had my mum and husband at the birth of my son. I was very grateful that I did... I thought it through and decided I wanted someone there who has done it before (mum)... and of course the person that put me in that position (hubby) wink

Anyway, it was good as mum was very encouraging... and when she uttered the words "you are much braver than I was" - it helped a lot!!!

Hubby was also good - other than telling me to get up to birth - we learnt at antenatal that gravity helps but there was no way I was getting up - I told him to "NO and be quiet" and that I was staying on my back and bum to deliver this baby!!!!!

Anyway, I think that having your own mum there is very different to MIL - thank goodness my MIL is overseas but I don't think she would have expected to be asked... I think it's something a daughter can share with her mum... but not MIL...

I certainly (in the future) would not expect to be at the birthing of my son's kids... unless my DIL asked me!!!

I hope you get it sorted out. It is a very special time and I think you need to have the person/people you feel MOST comfortable with... there's no space to stress about looking or being impressive... the goal is to have bubs out safely, quickly and as painlessly as possible!!!

Good luck!

When my daughter was born and it was just me and my partner and two midwifes there when Jaye was born.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hey Kellie,

I just had my Hubby and the doc and midwives.

I could not bear the thought of having anyone else related to me in there watching me try to push a watermelon out of me! EWWWW!! Could you imagine your father and FIL seeing that. Sorry, its just an area that either partner or the medical staff can see. If your partner was unable to be there then, yes, your mum would be fine as mine would, but as it is something that you have created with your partner then she should try and understand that this very special moment is something you want to share together ALONE! I mean, she wasn't there for conception, was she!! LOL!
There is nothing like having your newborn being rested on your chest for the first time with your partner by your side, all strangers seem to melt away from the room and you just see your new family, you him and bub.
I really hope your mum can see that this is how you want it to be.

Maybe you might be happy for her to be waiting at the hospital when it comes closer to time, so that she can come and see the baby after an hour or so of the birth. Have a little chat to the midwife before hand and just ask her to come in and say that you need your rest and visiting hours are over if they seem to stay a bit too long, or have DP give them a signal to come in and say that.
All the best with this and your upcoming birth!

DD1 July 2004 DD2 August 2007 DS September 2009

hey Kellie,

With my first born I was in a DV relationship and was unsure if I wanted to be in the room alone with the babys father, but then I had everyone want to be there and I only wanted a few people that I really trusted.
I asked my sister inlaw to be there as we were very close but then it was I want to be there and me to and what about me.
I ended up having my mum, his mum, his 2 sisters, him, and then the 2 nurses. I was very over crowed my partner stayed at the door watching tv as I was in the bathroom as I had my son in the bath. I had his mum out there with him and the 2 sisters and my mum were in the bath room with me taking in turns rubbing my back and incouranging me. NEVER AGAIN thats for sure.

When I was pregnant with my daughter with my new husband and differant father to my son. I spoke with him and we decided that it would be just us. He was great as the labour was very short and my mother inlaw came to pick up my son she asked how long it would be to see if it was possible for her to stay, as nothing was happening when she was there she left hubby took her and my son down to the car to get my bag and when he came back i was already half way through my labour it was over so quickly I was glad it was only him and I

This time I haven't said anything yet but when Im close to labour I might ask my mother inlaw to be there but as Im unsure if I really want that Im going to leave it till last min.

Mel, Bailey 30/3/03, Jaida 10/12/04 & EDD 3/3/07

Hey,

I had my mum, hubby and MIL at the birth of our first child. I had only planned to have my mum and hubby but as i got transferred my mum and hubby needed a driver so my MIL was there as well - not that it bothered me at that stage!!

This time round it's just going to be hubby and i, and fingers crossed we don't need another driver!!

I can sort of understand where you are coming from though. My in laws are coming to stay a week before bubs is due, and as far as i know they're planning on staying for a week. I kindly but bluntly told MIL that i didn't really want them to stay at our house incase i went into labour early and that it wasn't that i didn't want her there but more that i didn't want my FIL there. All she could say was "oh don't worry he won't mind"!!!!!

Hubby is going to have words with her!!

Good luck with your decision, and remember do what feels right for you!
Well I've only had my husband and thank god no one else has ever dared to ask
Would this suggestion work?-
talk to your doctor or midwife about the stress unwanted family members are placing on you and ask them to back you up by saying that they will not allow more than x (whoever you want) to be present-
this way you can sidestep the argument and surely they will not argue with the medical person?!?

lib+3

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