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  5. Help! I've lost my partner(to a computer)

Help! I've lost my partner(to a computer) Rss

This will sound like whinging, well yes it is, but I've lost my man to online gaming.

He doesn't do anything other then sit with the laptop infront of the TV watching telly and playing online. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and struggling so I sleep of an afternoon so he can watch our son after work. I'll wake up to a dark house, no lights turned on, dinner not started and god knows what our son has been up to. It's getting beyond a joke and if I say anything he gets upset and states he doesn't play computer that much and that its all he enjoys.

So tell me, am I being harsh if I think 3 to 4 hours a day of computer gaming is too much??? I just feel like I've lost him and that a computer game has taken the place of our family. I can't make him realise by talking to him, what options do I have without resorting to treating him like a child and taking the computer off him??? We never fight but he wont see reason with this one.
[Edited on 23/07/2007]
[Edited on 23/07/2007]
I would definately talk to him about what he is doing. There is nothing wrong with having a hobby or enjoying playing games UNTIL it starts to create tension within the family.
If you are willing to compromise, try negotiating with him to limit the amount of hours he spends on the computer or put aside a few afternoons a week where he can have that time to himself to do it without you having to worry about who is watching your child or what you will do about dinner.
Being 32 weeks pregnant its you that needs to be spending time relaxing!!
I would sit him down and tell him how i feel (WITHOUT the computer being in front of him when you do it!)
Good luck

I would say something for sure!!

My partner is the same with his car. He works all day then comes home and works on the car. Last night i found him asleep in the garage under the car at 1 in the morning.

I would say something before it goes any further!!!!!

I also have his sister living with us (which i hate) and she is the same spends all afternoon on the computer and does nothing at all. No housework no cooking nothing.

I cant stress how important it is to comunicate before it gets to my stage where they dont understand coz i have left it for so long and they think its normal.

Good Luck and let us know how you go

XO Stephanie
We had a talk, and I was really hurt by the things he said. Things like "it's my escape." I'm all hormonal, but I asked if we are that bad he needs to 'escape' us. It just seems like he snaps or has no time/energy for his family. I think he misses being a bacholor. sad
He keeps telling me to get a hobby, I have one, spending time as a family. That is all I want, or that makes me happy, but he doesn't understand that either. It must be a male thing, but it drives me up the wall. I'm pregnant, exhausted and in pain all the time, but he acts like the pregnant one. He wont read anything about pregnancy of labour, he doesn't seem interested at all, except that he says his daughter (we don't know what we are having) will be beautiful. I'm glad he thinks that because mum is feeling like a tired old good for nothing hag with no appeal or companionship. As for our son, well dad is always "too busy right now". Even to look at a bloody school report. Talking doesn't work and even if he doesn't play hejust sits there doing nothing, sulking.
Hi Mumby2!

Well, I've been there, done this one. My hubby was stuck on that BF2 game online all the time when I was pregnant!!

We had a chat and I told him I understand that this is what he enjoys doing, but that he didn't see me sitting reading a book or something when it was time to cook dinner/ clean the house/spend time together.

I told him it didn't really worry me that he enjoyed sticking his face in the computer all the time (even though his life was passing him by!!), but asked him to limit it to times when he wouldn't be forfeiting anything else that is important.

Since then, he was happy to stay up after I was in bed and play his game till late - sometimes, but rarely, 1 or 2am, but this helped him to realise the next day (when he'd be tired at work) just how much of an addiction it had become and how much it was affecting his life!!

So, we're all happy again, because after a while he realised it just wasn't worth staying up late for every night and being stuffed every day. He probably plays it once a fortnight now, which I am TOTALLY ok with!!

All the best!
Jen. ;o)
accidently press 'delete' lol
Hi 've been here done that too for way to may years. I'm 9 weeks pregnant when my DH comes home it's hi Sweetie and strait on the computer to play games. OK that's fine I understand that he needs to relax too but then it's after tea he's back on there and playing again until we go to bed. really it's a miracle that we're having a baby at all I just sit on the couch at watch tv.
I've spoken to him about this and said you spend too much time on that thing than you do with me. His reply is always do not. So now I just go of and do my own thing.
So this isn't such an uncommon problem. It just pisses me how he can ignore everything around him and play a stupid game... I told him the real world is here when he is ready to face it.

Anyone know what they cost to play approx???
I have the same problem, my hubby is addicted to a poker game online and it is driving me insane. I work later in the afternoon then him so he picks up DS and when I arrive home an hour or so later nothing is being done no bath, no dinner started nothing and he will continue to stay there until after I have done all the jobs. Sometimes I get upset and he gets off to help only to get back on after dinner is over. He is only home a few nights a week (due to work commitments) so I think we should be entitled to some family time while he is at home. I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and really tired most afternoons and having a very energetic 2.1/2 year old takes alot out of me. I even went home at lunch time today to find him playing and when i asked why he said but I won't be home tonight!!! So don't worry mumby2 I know exactly how you are feeling. Oh and I know the one DH is playing doesnt cost anything, which is the only one good thing about this game.
Seriously, "it's all he enjoys??" I'm just wondering how old your son is and why your man feels it's more important to stare at computer for 3 - 4 hours each night than to spend quality time with his family.

Compromise with him, if you give reasons for you not wanting him to be on the computer like family time, couple time this might make him realise that what he is doing is effecting EVERYONE in his family, and then he might realise that no actual fufillment can come out of mindless staring at his computer.

Men are strange creature (apparently they think women are too) but if you are not upfront, assertive and honest with them and basically spell what you WANT to them in BIG BOLD TEXTA they just won't get it.

Try that and see how you go. Good luck...Rhatri.
It does become an absolute obsession for them...I hate nagging but he forces me to. He told me the cost. It's not huge but it's not necessary either... I love him dearly, I just wish we ment the same to him.
I do this now...cook just enough dinner for my son and I. If hubby wants to eat he can act like a part of the household. He can't sit at the table with us or talk to us at dinner. I don't tell him I'm getting dinner or anything I just do it, If he is too absorbed in his own game to hear me in the kitchen tough luck. It really cuts him up...He soon understands. I recommend it wink There is no fighting, yelling. It's getting a message through without nagging and you can always say " sorry dear, did you want to stop playing to eat?" "You looked like you were having Sooooo much fun I left you..." lol
Yeah that sounds like it could work mumby2. I may give it a try tonight if he gets on the computer again but I was just at home for lunch again and he said he was getting on the computer then so he would be able to spend some time with us tonight. So nice of him hey!!
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