any one wishing to talk about emotional side of cesears

Hi All
I would like to hear from any one who felt like a failure after a cesear. I am sick to death of being brushed off by mums who had semi normal labours telling me that i have nothing to complain about i had a pain free childbirth and i am the lucky one.
I know labour hurts like hell, i've done that bit. I don't doubt that at all. I just felt like i could'nt complete lifes simplest goals which is reproduction. All i can see is that 100yrs ago i would have died and so would have my son. I've failed as a mother before i started. I am due to have our 4th child in 5 wks time and i would desperately love to give birth naturally but i don't hold any real hopes. Any one else out there feels the same. Or am i the only one.
from Stacey

Hi Stacey,

I had a cesaer for my first baby and now that I'm pregnant with my second, my ob says I should consider another one as my chances of giving birth naturally are relatively low (maybe 20%). I'm not really sure what I'm going to do yet, but I still have quite a few weeks left before I have to make my final decision.

I don't feel like a failure because of it though and you definately shouldn't feel like you've failed as a mother because being a mother is much more than the ability to give birth.

Cesaerians have been done for hundreds and hundreds of years, nowadays though they are less intrusive, less likely to cause death or severe illness and are much safer. In times past, they often removed the womb as well as the baby.

No-one has any right to judge you or consider you less of a mother because of the fact you haven't given birth naturally.

The way that I see it is that my priority is making sure that I have a healthy child and if the best thing for that baby is for to have a c-section then that is what I will do. This is the most important thing. At the end of the day, wouldn't you rather have a cesaer and deliver a healthy baby than give birth naturally and have complications? That's the real question and sometimes those decisions mean that you may miss out on the joy of giving birth naturally, but that doesn't make you less of a mother.

Remember, labour is only what - 24 hours of you and your babies life, motherhood is forever.

Don't know if this helps but thought you might be interested in how someone else feels.

Yvette

i know how you feel i was PUSHED by my doctors into having a try at a natural labour when i myself knew there was NO way in hell i'd be able to have this child naturally but since they were the doctors and knew better i thought i'd have a go. 16 hours of labour 4 of them with an epidural as i could not knack the pain anymore. after 16 hours i was 2cm dilated i was rushed in for an emergency c thank god i had the epidural as i would have had to be knocked out and my fiance would not have been able to be there to hold my hand as i was scared i nearly lost my daughter. if i would have not had her then and there she would have died. i could have lost my life too if i was back in my grandmothers day and that scares me too. i love my daughter dont get me wrong but she still dont feel like mine and she is nearly two. we have been trying for about 13 or so months to have another baby and this time its gonna be what i want and if the docs dont listen to me i am going to find someone who will. i am NOT going through what i did all over again. i am also sick of mothers who had normal labour that a c is the easy way out. i
had 9 weeks of excruciating pain not being able to walk, bend, stand, sit, fart, cough, laugh, cry, feed my daughter, get up when she cried, work, do any wifely-motherly duties except cry for the pain as i was prescribed medication for the pain after the major abdominal surgery and they constipated me and the pain from that was damn near as dramatc i stopped taking them so i did it tough for a while. i felt like a huge failure as a mother for not being able to have my daughter naturally and the stress of everything that happened and of her not wanting to breastfeed made my milk dry up and i went through it all over again as i was not able to breast feed my daughter like a MOTHER should. but i expressed for her and she got the best i could offer her at the time.

feel free to email me or add me to your msn chat if you have that.

kodeybear@hotmail.com

Hi Stacey and Narelle,

It sounds like your c-sections were horrendous. All I can offer is that mine wasn't too bad. I wasn't really in a lot of pain and came off the pain medication before I even left the hospital. Within 1 week of arriving home I was back to normal. I could drive, lift and do everything that I normally did so I think I was very lucky. I know some people do experience a lot more pain than I did and I'm really sorry as it is the last thing that you want with a new baby to look after.

Don't worry, if anyone should feel like a failure at being a natural mother it should be me! I couldn't conceive naturally so had to go onto IVF, ended up not giving birth naturally and to top it all off, my son wasn't a great feeder so even though I breastfed for 5 months (after 2 bouts of mastitis and constantly bleeding and cracked nipples), he still needed comps of formula.

At the end of the day though, I know I'm not a failure because my son is happy, healthy and such a joy that I don't care how he came into existance, I'm just glad he is here and I have the priveledge of raising him.

Don't know if this helps, you probably think I'm a bit of a sanctimonious dill, but thought I should share my comments.

Yvette

i hve had 3 csections and compred with the 26 hours of labour v4 i had the 1st one id prfer the csection any daybut u can feel a bit donw but dont worry i was plannig a natural bith using hypnotherpy and aroma therpy it worked 4 workred 1st 17 hours dont let the other mums worry u wtith hrei thought thry domt know the pin of just getting out of the bed and the frustartion of not able to do things like drive, picking things up etc if u would like to emailme do so at virpikaarina@aol.com bye

Hi Stacey, I had an emergency caesar with my little girl and I don't feel like a failure as my little girl could have died if I had her naturally. I'm just thankful that I had a gorgeous baby that was healthy. Another advantage of a caesar is that they have beautifuuly formed heads - no squashed head from passing down that birth canal. I also have to agree with what Yvette said in her first post. I also was lucky like her and recovered well.

hi
i felt like my daughter wasnt mine cause i didnt see her as soon as she came out of me. i started thinkinng silly things ,like u see in movies how kids get mixed up at birth and stuff.
the only major prob i had with having an emergency c section was that my scar got infected. and i had to have it drained. it was all pussie and red and really hot.... i never established exclusive breastfeeding because of the anti-biotics i had to take for the infection. my bub screamed for an hr because she didnt like the taste of my milk. she hadnt had a feed for almost 8hrs so i had no choice but to put her on formula. once i gave her a bottle she got cranky on the boob when she had to work at her meals.

shes 3mths now. atleast she healty and happy. but at the time it felt like i was a failure.it did take me a while to bond with her
on the lighter side of things i'm sorta glad i didnt have a natural birth because i've had pretty bad hemaroids for the past few yrs, and the doc said its best to wait until i finish having kids b4 i get them fixed smile

Michelle

Hi, I also had an emergency c-s and didn't so much feel a failure as disappointed that I had got half-way through labour and not been able to go all the way.

But hey, I have a beautiful daughter, she's healthy (we didn't know if she would survive a natural delivery, I was haemorraging quite bad) and we're both well... I too recovered really quickly.

And NOW the motherhood starts! How can we fail when we've still got 20 years to go ?!?!? lol

Enjoy the mothering!
Teresa

Thanks everyone for your support, I consider myself extremely lucky that i have concieved all my children so easily (a little to easily) When i think of what some people go thought to have children it makes me feel really selfish for having issues with them coming out right.
I also found that the recovery period was cut in half when you have an elective cesear. Maybe it's because your not exhasted from labour or it could've been me being more prepared for the after effects the other 2 times. Within a few hours of coming out of theatre i was asking to get out of bed to walk around and i found once you get up and have a shower you felt 100 times better. I only stayed in hospital 3days with my second cesear and less than 2days with my third. So i was really lucky. Not to mention we had already planned our wedding which was 5 wks after having my first child.
I would say to any one else out there thinking of the same sort of thing, it is not a good idea.
stacey

I totally understand where you are coming from. I had a c-section with my first child due to breech position & a friend had her baby 4 months later, she was induced 4-5weeks early due to problems. She is always saying how lucky I am to have got out of birth so easily. If c-section where the easy way out they would be called natural birth. To explain that you can't drive, life heavy items, clean bascially anything you can still manage having a natural birth. I would like all the ladies out there who think ceasers are the easy way out to give it a go, i'm sure you'll all go running back to natural birth & tihnk twice about your negetive opion

hey all, i have a 9 month old DD and due to complications (i had a high chance of having a still born if the baby wasnt out at 37 weeks due to cholestis)i was enduced and after 3 days of nothing, i had a c-section and i felt ripped off. i didnt know i had to take a tablet to help them get the epidural in, so none of the anathesioligists (people who put the spinal block or epidural in-i sooooo cant spell!!!) could give me a spinal block or epidural cause the nurse didnt give me the tablet, thus resulting in me missing the first 2 hours of my DD life and my DH missing out on seeing his daugher born and cutting the cord as they had to put me under.
i mostly felt ripped off in the sence i never got to have that bonding time that everyone raves about when their baby is first born and that contributed to me having PND because i felt i didnt have a connection with my DD and sometimes i feel like dont have that connection, that she isnt really mine.
im about to have our 2nd bubba in 9 or so weeks and this time im going to tell them that i want to be awake with this one.
having a c-section dosnt make you any less a mother. having a c-section isnt the easy way out and people who say that obviously havent been through it so they can go shove it (sorry for the rude language but i hate the fact that other mums think they're better cause they had a natural)
i wish all the chicks who had c-sections the best of luck in their pregnancies and trying to fall pregnant.
the only person who really can tell you how good a job your doing is your child, not other mums

hi there,
i had my bub nearly a month ago and i believe myself to be one of the lucky ones who experienced a natural birth.
when i was pregnant the only thing that scared me most about childbirth was having a c section.
i had witnessed 2 years prior to my pregnancy, my sister having one with her first born and it scared me so much i contemplated ever having kids! i saw the agony my sister endured and it didnt last 3 days like a natural birth normally would, it went on for months. i believe she missed out on some of the most vital parts of bonding with her baby, as she didnt meet her until 3 hours after delivery.
things like changing and feeding her bub were nearly impossible and i saw how unhappy she was the first months when they should have been the happiest times of her life!
i honestly think ppl who have c sections DO NOT get the easy way out!! even ppl who opt to have them i just cant understand y when natural birth is so much easier!!
i really feel for people who have no choice but to have a csect.
i hope u will be able to experience a natural birth one day but please know ur not a failure! if anything this makes u stronger..i no i wouldnt be able to cope with the pain of surgery and recovery and i certainly wouldnt be brave enough to go down that road if given the choice.
good luck for the future grin

[Edited on 24/03/2009]