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  5. I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE now pregnant, am I normal?

I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE now pregnant, am I normal? Lock Rss

Hi Michelle
I have had no patience for quite a while now and with each pregnancy it is getting harder. After a bit of a car mishap on Friday I now have no car till at least Wednesday (if the parts come in) and I have to rely on FIL to pick my kids up from school (which is completely out of the way as we live 45 minutes away from them) at least my DF can take them to school and just start and finish work later, the worst part is that I will be stuck at home till then and there is no way for me to get out with no public transport for a 15 minute drive from my house (we live out a bit) so I have been even worse with no patience. I have to try and calm down a little bit because my 5 year old is really demanding and I have him at home on Monday and Wednesday (he only goes to school 2 days), so stuck at home with three little ones and no patience that should be fun LOL.

I was thinking about the comments about our DF/DH/DP's and the not understanding, but I was also thinking that if my DF stays home with the kids they actually behave for him as they see him less often and it is like a reward to have him home. Not sure if it is the same for us all but that's how my kids work, I am sure it would be different if DF was home for a week or two then they would start being a bit harder for him aswell. Also when DF is home I find that whilst he may spend time with the kids I am still the one who does the cleaning up and he always gets to sleep in. I know I should stop now as I am starting whinge a bit.

My clean washing can sometimes be sitting on our couch or in the folding basket for a week I think just so long as the kids are fed, bathed and have clean clothes to wear things will be fine.

Anyway you are definitely normal as are the rest of us pregnant mums. It will get better till the next time you are pregnant LOL.
Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,

It's early Sunday morning and I'm hopeful of having a good day with Connor!!

Oh my, you have a few kids? You're amazing smile So sorry to hear about your car troubles. I loathe it when my car goes in for a service for a day or a few hours for that matter, lol. It's a strange feeling not having independance at your front door, and in your case living so far out of town would even be harder. Lets hope they get the parts so your sanity keeps in tact this week. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

You weren't whinging in your post, gee look at mine. MEN! Yes my hubby looks after Connor and quite ofteen will say, 'He was ok, he's not hard to look after'. I think 'I'd find it easier to if I had a house maid to do all the chores around the house and have lunches, dinners etc ready whilst I was 'playing' with my 2.5 yo too!'. Even if he goes out for a day with him it's me who has to madly pack his bags to go. Then if he gives him a bath it's me who gets it ready and then packs up the 'tidlewave hit bathroom' afterwards. If I go out for a few rare hours or have a sleep in I walk into a 'bomb site', more work for Mummy!

So theres my whinge, lol. I bet all those Mum's reading this so get it too and I've painted a picture of many family house holds.

Nice to know someone else doesn't religiously put away their washing. I think as long as having it clean and dry is most important. I told my Hub that if it wasn't washed at all he'd be well within his rights to complain.

I read your final comment that 'It will get better till the next time you are pregnant'

so THIS IS THE BIG QUESTION...

can you tell me my patience will improve after birth? I'm so scared I won't cope the with the way I feel now.

Ugh I'm going to have a bad day. Just had a crying session with Connor. Hubby gets out of bed and askes what's wrong. I display my lack of patience and he gets angry at me...MEN! I tell you, having a morsel of compassion from him may improve my situation. He's sooooooooooo daft!!! I never have him say 'Oh I'm sorry' and give me a simple hug.

Anyway enough from me... thanks for your posting, and ears, eyes, and heart smile
[Edited on 04/05/2008]

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Hi Michelle! I too was exactely like you when i was pregnant with my DD. I too have a Connor and the poor thing got yelled at all the time. I had to get reassurance from friends back home who had had there 2nd's that it was normal , and after the birth i think it gets a little easier in ways but harder in others ( dont mean to scare ).

I am also living near no rellies or family , have hardly no friends , DH works heaps too so i know how you feel. I also like my house clean and to be organised , i cant rest at night till its all done and no matter how many people say to leave stuff i just cant.

Where abouts is Narre Warren? I am living in country VIC atm for DH work . Also men will never understand what we go through , you sound like you are doing a fantastic job , it is so hard at the end of your pregnancy... i hope he will help you out when bubs comes , do you have any family to come and help you. I had my dad come for a month and it was a godsend. Im now on my own again for 6 weeks till i go home for a visit .

Hang in there , your not alone - i was a it more emotional this time round and had a girl , so maybe your having one too - who knows , take care Bel xx

Connor 18.12.04 , Kaylee 11. 03.08

Hi Bel,

This is good having a lap top now smile Can go where ever I am.

You know your message brought tears to my eyes as it was like I was reading about me (esp as your son is a Connor, and my sisters name is Belinda). Just touched a soft spot.

You like a clean house too? ME TOO, and I can't stand it when others say 'just leave the house work'. If it didn't bother me I wouldn't do it, but it's kinda better for me if I do it, or I feel more stressed. My friend Mel is WORSE than me so I feel normal around her as she's excessive. She even irons her girls undies - wow!

Don't worry about scaring me, I'd rather the truth so I can prepare myself for anything - good or bad. My situation will be different to others, but it still helps to hear about others who have been there done that. If I had my patience back that would mean the world to me! I know many other areas in my life will become more difficult but that's natural. If I don't getmy patience back with this baby I just know right now I WILL NOT COPE!

I like you have no family close by to help out. As I'm in outter Melbourne and all my family are in Wangaratta, I'm pretty much alone. I'm not close to my inlaws for help and I wouldn't want it off them as they quite a handful ... well that's a whole new posting, lol.

I'm very close to my sister and she lives an hour away on the other side of Melbourne but there's another posting - she found out her husband has bowel cancer at 32 last year in October, a few weeks before giving birth to their first baby!!!!!! He had surgery to have 1/3 of his bowel removed and a week later there was baby (3 weeks early too). We found out it had spread to lymph nodes and that's led them down the Chemo path sad So obviously we can't rely on each other for help, and I've hardly seen her since then as we usually have a cold virus and he can't afford to get ill on chemo!

That has also stopped my visits from family as my sisters needs have obviously come first. Family have rallied around them and I just wish I could have helped more! Chemo is almost finished so we will all get our lives back to normal soon. I'm scared though the retesting will show it hasn't gone. Very scared!!!

You'e lucky your dad come to help you for a month. Aren't parents just the best? smile

I really feel for you being in the country and not having many friends. I think coming from the country and now being in Melbourne it's easier to make friends in the 'city'. Depends on how small the area is where you are. Smaller places have people that are set in their ways and have small tight knit groups that can be very hard to tap into. City people may appear more hard but I find it's easier to get into circles if you make the effort. Perhaps I've been lucky out my way as I have a fantastic Mums Group which three have become close friends, and I joined another support group after connor was born and made a circle of friends from that. I even met a first time Mum in hospital which is a good friend now and a nurse who befriended me (and helped me with breast feeding no charge after hospital, we just geled i guess). I feel I have lots of friends out my way which helps. But as they all have kids I tend to not ask them for help.

What part of country vic are you in atm? Let me know if you want any tips on how to make friends in the country smile

Gee I hope I'm having a girl. This pregnancy is just soooooooo different to Connor but I've been told it means nothing. I seriously felt normal with Connor but this one I've had it all, vomiting, leg cramps, diabetes, morning sickness, dry reaching etc.. need I say more? I have no boys names I love (can't beat Connor wink ) so I have to have a girl as I have a few I like: Mackenzie, Jordanna, Sienna lol.

Thanks for your normality check, and as much as I don't want someone to feel like me, I'm glad someone else shares my living style ;o)

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

OMG!!!! I have just stumbled on your posts!!!! I am so glad i did though as its made me feel soooo normal 2!!!!!
I am only 24 weeks atm and strangely i have a 3yr boy....... Cooper LOL (So close)
Dont kids just love pushing you to the grrrrr stage....and beyond!! Coops is such a active boy that i think its just frustrating me that i cant keep up with him / housework / sleep lol and the poor lil bugger is getting it all. But at the end of the day the whole put them in a safe environment and take a breather is a god sent!!! I hope everyones coping well today and is assured in the fact that being a mum is hard but at the end of the day you have a child who love u unconditionally (even if they have been in trouble all day!!) But as long as you can tuck them in bed at night and let it all drift away, you can try again tomorrow!!! Good luck too all may motherhood be with you!!

Hi Michelle
I can definitely say that alot of your patience will return after you have the baby, it seems to be something to do with all the hormones running through your body when pregnant. Don't expect to have as much patience as you had before being pregnant though and it can take a little bit of time too. I think once the baby is out and after the baby blues (that are inevitable) things settle down. I hope that I can try and calm down a bit more before then though as that is another 12 weeks away LOL.
I used to be a perfectionist with my house until I fell pregnant with my 3rd only 8 months after the birth of my 2nd. I then just started to leave things a bit more and I don't know that it has changed much as I have gone on to have more children but as I said just so long as the kids are clean, fed and have clean clothes to wear it doesn't really matter. I do have days though when I need to go through the house and clean it up a lot, then I lose even more patience because I expect everyone to do their part (DD#1 & 2 are old enough to do their rooms etc and DS#1 also) DF likes a tidy house but seems to think that the fairies will come and do it LOL.
Cheryl

Hi Jonesy,

Glad you stumbled across my post and glad I started it as I couldn't find one relating to no patience when I logged on a few days ago to read about others pregnancy 'troubles'.

Cooper and Connor he he.Connor is also very active and needs lots of stimulation to keep him happy. He can play on his own but also needs different things to keep him occuiped and also likes my company too....and my hip, seems he's super glued to it most times. I can't seem to do much anymore without him hanging off me in some way. A sneeky sit on the couch finds him swinging off my leg like a monkey bar, the pc chair he climbs up behind me and uses my back as a slide, a trip to the loo finds hi wnting to get my loo paper and flush the toilet then it's 'my turn',now he's taken to helping me do vegies at dinner time . All cute and normal as he is learning but to an impatient Mum it's a stall that we don't need. At least he can peel a whole carrot for me now, lol.

He's a tough bugger to get to sleep at night but I guess when he is down sleeping in clean dry pj's, lol, I can let it all drift away, until morning!

******

Hi again Cheryl smile Thanku thanku thanku, alot of my patience will return after birth, gee I hope so! Hormones, what a swear word for a woman hey? I hope it doesn't get any worse before then but after today's track record I doubt it. It will only be another 8-10 weeks as I may be induced early from Gestational Diabetes. Less the better now I say!

You sound like me when I go through the house and clean madly. I also get a bit peeved that hub doesn't life his weight. THOUGH before he left before he said, 'lets bend down and pick up this mess Connor', referring to his play dough,icy pole stick, tooth pick mess on the floor. Blow me over with a feather!!! I was most impressed, but would mean more if he did that a little more than once a blue moon. OH and he also asked where his jocks were...'in the spare bedroom on the bed'...he went and sorted the washing out and put his stuff away OOOOMMMMGGGG!!!

That's where my good luck of today ends. Connor has been VERY sooky, whingy and screaming at 'nothing'. Well not nothing, he has two middle ear infections and throat too, but at least he did a poo today with ease so the Parachoc is working. As he's been hard work to look after today Hub was about to take him out to the shops before and I asked Connor for my hug and kiss before he left. FINALLY I was about to get my big break I'd been searching for all day.

He looked at me, looked at Dad at the door, hesitated for a moment and I thought, 'I'll go to him' but I could see he was about to race to me annnnnnnd he turned and ran into the open grill door! gasp( Hub had just left it open and I loathe it being used as I hate grill smell atm so we'd had a small dispute over it, but he didn't close it again...grrrr.

I ran to him as I thought it went straight into his eye. He was going beserk and I was crying with him imagining what damage it had done to his eye. When I finally had a look it had hit just under his eye and left a bleeding gauge and a bruise. It's already swollen too. Then he didn't want to go with Daddy as each time he came near him he went more hysterical. So here I am lying on the bed with a screaming toddler in pain AGAIN!

Daddy finally left and that sent him over the edge as he knew he was going 'shopping with Daddy'. That made another 15mins of hysterical crying to the point I just had to leave the room and retreat in a back room of the house sobbing where I couldn't hear him. He eventually found me and I eventually calmed him down. What a rotten rotten week I've had. Just when I think it can't get any worse! Ho Hum!

So sorry to everyone reading for 'whinging' again but it makes for a good release atm, esp when I feel I'm about to go around the twist!!! So tomorrow MUST be a better day!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Hi Chelle,
I definitely think you're normal but at the same time can I request that you start sending out "positive" posts. You're making me very nervous about getting pregnant again given the fact that I have a little boy name Connor too & that he will be about 21/2 at the same time that I plan to be in the later stages of a second pregnancy.`(Totally joking)

I'm going to be really honest here & say you may be borderline for depression but I think there are things you're experiencing that are changeable factors. You need to remember that you need to take care of yourself. I myself am a type 1 diabetic & so I can remind you that stress will not help your sugar levels. I can also tell you that getting angry or reacting in a totally unpredictable way could be a sign that your sugar levels may be low or high.

I can also relate to a hubby that doesn't pull his weight. Currently I work F/T but am still the sole provider of cooking, cleaning, washing etc. He is very good with Connor but some days when I'm at work & he's not I come home to a bomb site. Do you know what, now instead of arking up & blowing my stack I tell my hubby I should be thanked for everything I do because when I'm at home with Connor I never leave the house like that. I have also just started walking out & taking Connor to the park. I still get angry at the state of the house but I've slowly begun to realise that my son needs a mum who will drop anything to be with him. I also feel better for getting out & about.

So, I hope "today" is better for you.
Goodluck,
Liz
Posted by: Chelle&Connor
Hi Jonesy,

Glad you stumbled across my post and glad I started it as I couldn't find one relating to no patience when I logged on a few days ago to read about others pregnancy 'troubles'.

Cooper and Connor he he.Connor is also very active and needs lots of stimulation to keep him happy. He can play on his own but also needs different things to keep him occuiped and also likes my company too....and my hip, seems he's super glued to it most times. I can't seem to do much anymore without him hanging off me in some way. A sneeky sit on the couch finds him swinging off my leg like a monkey bar, the pc chair he climbs up behind me and uses my back as a slide, a trip to the loo finds hi wnting to get my loo paper and flush the toilet then it's 'my turn',now he's taken to helping me do vegies at dinner time . All cute and normal as he is learning but to an impatient Mum it's a stall that we don't need. At least he can peel a whole carrot for me now, lol.

He's a tough bugger to get to sleep at night but I guess when he is down sleeping in clean dry pj's, lol, I can let it all drift away, until morning!

******

Hi again Cheryl smile Thanku thanku thanku, alot of my patience will return after birth, gee I hope so! Hormones, what a swear word for a woman hey? I hope it doesn't get any worse before then but after today's track record I doubt it. It will only be another 8-10 weeks as I may be induced early from Gestational Diabetes. Less the better now I say!

You sound like me when I go through the house and clean madly. I also get a bit peeved that hub doesn't life his weight. THOUGH before he left before he said, 'lets bend down and pick up this mess Connor', referring to his play dough,icy pole stick, tooth pick mess on the floor. Blow me over with a feather!!! I was most impressed, but would mean more if he did that a little more than once a blue moon. OH and he also asked where his jocks were...'in the spare bedroom on the bed'...he went and sorted the washing out and put his stuff away OOOOMMMMGGGG!!!

That's where my good luck of today ends. Connor has been VERY sooky, whingy and screaming at 'nothing'. Well not nothing, he has two middle ear infections and throat too, but at least he did a poo today with ease so the Parachoc is working. As he's been hard work to look after today Hub was about to take him out to the shops before and I asked Connor for my hug and kiss before he left. FINALLY I was about to get my big break I'd been searching for all day.

He looked at me, looked at Dad at the door, hesitated for a moment and I thought, 'I'll go to him' but I could see he was about to race to me annnnnnnd he turned and ran into the open grill door! gasp( Hub had just left it open and I loathe it being used as I hate grill smell atm so we'd had a small dispute over it, but he didn't close it again...grrrr.

I ran to him as I thought it went straight into his eye. He was going beserk and I was crying with him imagining what damage it had done to his eye. When I finally had a look it had hit just under his eye and left a bleeding gauge and a bruise. It's already swollen too. Then he didn't want to go with Daddy as each time he came near him he went more hysterical. So here I am lying on the bed with a screaming toddler in pain AGAIN!

Daddy finally left and that sent him over the edge as he knew he was going 'shopping with Daddy'. That made another 15mins of hysterical crying to the point I just had to leave the room and retreat in a back room of the house sobbing where I couldn't hear him. He eventually found me and I eventually calmed him down. What a rotten rotten week I've had. Just when I think it can't get any worse! Ho Hum!

So sorry to everyone reading for 'whinging' again but it makes for a good release atm, esp when I feel I'm about to go around the twist!!! So tomorrow MUST be a better day!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Liz

Hi Liz,

I appreciate your honesty smile Thanks for your reply and so sorry it's scarying you. Just remember, you and your life are obviously different to mine so I shouldn't scare you.

In my Mums group one of my close friends gave birth to No2 2 months ago. She was rock bottom during pregnancy from a combination of major back problems, DH who was non supportive (they had to undergo counselling in the end to help them), a once angel toddler who turned nasty when she couldn't get up to control him, and severe morning sickness for the good first 1/2 of the pregnancy etc.. She'd cry very easily and I was worried about her. Me NOT being pregnant couldn't see things from her perspective.

When I became pregnant and our other friend (she's 10 days in front of me) we felt what our friend felt and saw how difficult it was. The three of us have felt the same, but you still think it's not normal. Sorry if that's scarying you again, but don't forget, the three of us have had terrible sickness, DH who are similar, and two of us have had kids who have been exceptionally ill during the recent few months of our pregnancy and that's totally draining in it's self even when 'healthy and full of vitality' whether alone being in the later stages of pregnancy.

For us, and many, it is harder being pregnant with No2, but you may just breeze through it.

I am normally type 2 diabetic but my current Endocrinologist thinks I've been misdiagnosed, long story. I understand stress can play a part but my sugars were fine with Connors pregnancy through diet control but this time my glucose test showed classic signs of gestational diabetes, and it's been going up each week since.

Anyhow, I hope this post addition didn't scare you too much but forums should be used for ALL topics. At this stage I need support as I don't have much so I thought opening my life in here was a safe bet. I didn't want to 'burden' my friends with it or worry my family with it. I hope you find it in your heart to understand that?

Thanks for your honesty again, I do appreciate it smile

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Just so you know Michelle I wasn't being serious. Well for some of it I was. I found it heartening to hear you talk about your toddler & how it can be totally frustrating feeling like you are constantly arguing with them, tidying up after them & also preparing for another addition. Trust me when & if I become pregnant I will remember that other people struggle too & I'll try not to get worked up, you may have been just who I needed to hear from.

I wish you all the best & applaud you for using this forum to vent. I hope everybody can pitch in to offer you the support you need.

Good luck.
Liz

Liz

Hello again Liz smile

I was just doing the dishes and remembered I forgot to mention a very important part of my last post. That friend who suffered in her pregnancy and had her baby 2 months ago was so scared she'd not cope and get post-natal depression. You should see her now, she absolutely GLOWS! This baby is a crier where her first was absolutely angelic, all us mums were green with envy that she had such a great baby! BUT she is coping just fine and we are all green with envy now at how good she looks and how she just glows. Everyone says how great she is doing and she says she looks better than she feels most days but she does say since giving birth to her girl she is just so clucky. She certainly underestimates her power of coping with two. My pregnant friend and myself just hope we pull through on the other side the way she has smile She's our inspiration things will improve soon!!!

Maybe I can say this to make you more optimistic about your second pregnancy. I've found the people I know who didn't quite cope with No2 pregnancy had some real trying times adjusting to parenthood with No1, esp with our DHs.

The girl I met in hospital with No1 is a nurse who works in emergency, and she seems like a rock. Imagine my shock when she told me she was going to leave her husband as they couldn't gel being parents, he was too unsupportive etc. They worked it out in the end, and they also have had No2 recently. She struggled a bit with No2 but is going along smoothly now.

This forum has worked wonders for me so I am glad I posted. It always helps to know others are in the same boat, you don't feel so alienated then.

Good luck with No2...just think of all us if you need to feel 'normal' when it happens, he he ;o)

Thanks again and take care...

PS I've just had a few hours to myself. DH took Connor to see his grandparents so I feel like a million dollars atm. I so needed a break, I only get one a week on weds when he goes to childcare which he LOVES! Other than that, I'm with Connor 24/7!

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Hello Ladies,
sorry to butt in but I read your posts and thought, I was there too once.
You forgot to mention that all 2.5year olds make you crazy, no matter if you're preggers or not! hee hee hee
This time I am not going to be pregnant when my little one is 8months old, as has happened twice before.
Imagine how much more energy I will have! I am quite exctied about it.,.....
although i wish i was preggers again too, it is so nice to make a baby.
good luck with the ears. Chiropractic can sometimes help if he's having recurrnet ear infections.
love jj

3 girls under 3

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