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  5. I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE now pregnant, am I normal?

I HAVE ZERO PATIENCE now pregnant, am I normal? Lock Rss

Hi Michelle

Was just reading back through the posts, and I have to say, you're a real trooper! Having a child that's under the weather is very difficult at the best of times, let alone when you're pregnant! You're doing a great job, and its great to hear that your DH is improving a bit on his end of the bargain.

I am remembering back to when Ethan was born, and for me, I never had the blues, not even on day 3. I remember thinking I was sufferring from post-natal elation, as I was just so high and in love with him, nothing could bring me down. I am seriously hoping for a strong dose of those hormones again with this bub!

I think for me personally, the lack of tolerance is caused from exhaustion, being practically unable to bend over (to pick up the one-millionth toy...), shortness of breath etc. I also find the lack of lungs makes it hard for me to yell (ha ha - sounds funny, but a lot of the time with Ethan I am trying to explain something, like why he cannot have icecream before dinner, and he just loses it and starts a tantrum, taking swings at me, and I'm too exhausted and out of breath to keep trying to reason, so I find myself screaching at him, which I think is one step better than me giving him a smack...). Anyway, what I mean is that's me with a 3 year old who is not sick. You're def doing it tough with your little fella under the weather.

I also think that it would be incredibly difficult to have the F/T care of him like you do with just one day off. I actually feel like work is a break for me, compared to 24/7 with a preschooler. When I finish work (tomorrow, thank God) I had originally intended to take Ethan out of all his day care, as I felt guilty enough about him being in there, let alone if I were at home and he was at pre-school, but I have actually changed my mind at this point, because I think I can be a better mum for him when I am rested. Also, Ethan does really love going, and it just burns him out of energy, which is GREAT!

Seriously, have you considered maybe putting him in daycare for a second day, or maybe at least taking him to a playgroup for a day where he can burn a heap of energy and then hopefully give you a quiet arvo??

Anyway, I had better dash - I have both DH and DS in my ear wanting me to do things..... Hope Connor is feeling better soon

Bye
Trudy

Hi Trudy,

As much as you want to hear the truth in these forums, whether it be good or bad, I have to say it's sooooo nice to hear someone say you're doing well smile I think I really needed to hear this today of all days (because I've picked up another cold virus {I'm a virus sponge lately} and Connor is constipated again!!).

I had a few days break from me feeling ill and Connor being irritable and it was BLISS ON A STICK! I didn't realise until then how much easier life is when feeling close to 100%. It was only a teeny preview of how life was as I'm back to feeling like...I won't say, lol.

It's funny you should say how good you felt after Ethan was born as I was the same with Connor. My SIL had her first baby 2.5 mths before me and she AND her hubby had the baby blues. They couldn't believe how good I looked and acted after I had Connor, and neither could I...BUT..that all went pear shaped after he became a very difficult baby (poor feeder and poor sleeper - nothing has changed) and by 3 months I ended up in hospital for respite then mother baby unit and was diagnosed with mild post natal! So like you, especially this time I'm hoping for the good hormone surge then a good baby to complete the picture smile

You hit the nail on the head with zero tolerance...tiredness etc plays a huge part. I'm also frustrated with not physically being able to do much atm. Not only through big belly but being sick and no energy most days lately.

It is a tough job at times being a FT Mum but that's my choice as that's what I feel comfortable doing. At times I wonder though, lol. As for putting him in Childcare two days a week DH wouldn't hear of it as he is soooooooooo tight with money sad It wouldn't sit pretty with him either knowing I need 'more time for myself'. Men just don't get it.

We go to a playgroup once a week that I run smile I made it esp for Connor, tee hee. Thing is though stuff like that doesn't wear him out, it just winds him up so most times he comes home to no sleep, ho hum. Can't win. We also go to a Mother Goose program where we do nursery rhymes once a week. So three out of the five week days are dedicated to structured things we do to get him out and about.

Anyhow, Id love to write more but whilst he is watching TV peacefully I'm going to attempt a nap.

Thanks so much for your kind kind posting, I really needed to read something easy on me today. You're a godsend.

Luck with your upcoming birth too. Do you know what you are having? Take care...
Michelle

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Hey,
I know I shouldn't be in here (slaps self on hand) coz I'm no longer pregnant and gods forbid if I ever get pregnant again!! lol

I was soooo mean to Isabelle when I was pregnant (mind you I still am).
I also had zero tolerance for some of the stupid silly stuff she does. I would yell and get soooo angry and frustrated. I think it was all made worse by the fact that I was sleeping badly due to bump, was soooo over being pregnant and was just generally over emotional!

Now that Torben is 3 weeks old, things are still a bit rough..
Isabelle has been a real BIG turkey some days. The other day I was in tears coz I had smacked her and yelled at her a couple of times and it wasn't even 10am yet! She was just being really naughty and difficult - throwing food, kicking and squirming whilst I was try to change a DISGUSTING nappy..

We've definitely noticed a change in her since I was pregnant and Torben has arrived..
She's getting better, but she'll throw a massive tanty at the drop of a hat, will throw toys and food on floor, will hit and kick and wakes up at 6.15 most mornings (she used to sleep til 7.30 some mornings!).

Some days are worse than others, but I find that we have a better day if we have one on one time before I have to feed Torben. If I give her the attention she wants, then it does make for a better day.

I'm still tired and emotional and crabby so don't expect life to be peachy once your 2nd is here! Sorry - just want to warn you!
I thought everything would be 110% better once T was here, but it's not exactly better - just different.

It took a good week and half before we felt halfway 'normal' again after he arrived.. Sooo not used to the interrupted sleep anymore!

Anyhoo, I guess I'm basically saying - it's pretty normal to find normal toddler behaviour REALLY grating and annoying and anger-inspiring, but if you find you're losing the plot, step away for a minute - make yourself a cuppa and remember that your little man just wants your attention..

It will get harder before it gets easier, but you'll cope..
Best wishes
Hi Michelle.

I think its really important for u 2 hear that u r doing a great job. I know just after I had Ethan, my MIL told me "you're doing a great job" and it really made me feel so great, even though I hadnt considered that I wasnt doing a good job, but its just so nice to hear some positive feedback externally. Just kind of validates you I guess.

My husband has his own business and works FT (more than that actually) except he has Fridays at home with Ethan while I am at work (he has always done this since I went back to work). I think him being home on his own at least 1 day per week makes him realise how hard it is. Also, because its a regular thing, its not a novelty for Ethan where he behaves better than usual so DH does appreciate how hard it is for me too. He has actually told me to keep Ethan enrolled for the 3 days p/week at day-care/pre-school when bub is born so I can get a break. I guess that's pretty special, as I can imagine a lot of men dont get it.

I got sidetracked when I was trying to post lastnight, as both DH and Ethan were talking to me, climbing on me, etc. What I was trying to say (I think smile) was that because I feel physically limited (by at least 50% maybe 75%) because of pregnancy my tolerance is heaps lower. I am hoping that once the bub is born, and I am feeling physically more fit, hopefully the tolerance will improve (plus add a good dose of those great hormones and I should be right!) although, in truth, I really dont know what to expect in terms of how having a 3yo already plus a newborn will affect things.

Ethan was always a great sleeper, and I think that was a saving grace for me. I know when I am lacking sleep, I just become very emotional, on a short tether with my temper, unable to cope etc. so I really feel for any mums like you whose little ones dont sleep well. Ethan had feeding issues, which sucked, but I was def. well rested, which made it so much more easy to cope for me.

In relation to some posts that you sound depressed - I dont think so! You are just expressing normal emotions, and its great to be able to vent and have people tell you that they feel the same, and that its normal!

I am gearing up for a huge increase in these tolerance problems, as todays my last day at work. Next week, I'm on my own with Ethan (help!) My DH has commented that it will be great for him b/c he has heaps of work and now I'm home with Ethan he can just get it all done (I know this is going to mean 14 hour work days for him each day, and I'm gonna lose it!) I am secretly hoping to go into labour on Monday to get out of it!!

Anyway - had better go and get finished up at work here. Its so nice to have a "last day". Ethan came at 37 weeks and I was still at work, so never got the chance to tie up those lose ends.

And PS - we dont know what we have having this time. Its a surprise!! We did know we were having a boy with Ethan, but somehow thought we'd leave it as a surprise this time (And I have now reached the conclusion I hate surpises, and I wish I knew, but too late now....)

Bye
Take care and hope you're feeling better soon!

Hey

Just forgot to mention on my previous very long post..... Michelle, I'm not sure how old you said Connor was, but I have a feeling it is around the 2's.... and JennaLJ I see Isabelle is also just 2.

I have to say, Ethan was such hard work at 2. OMG, he'd drive me insane. Couldnt reason with him, he never listened, would through tantrums ALWAYS. I have noticed a massive change in his maturity since he turned 3. He listens to me now when I give him reasons WHY he cant do something. He takes it on board and 3/4 of the time, is then OK. Yeah, he does still do annoying things, and he knows how to chuck a tanty still, but much more mature and easier to handle.

So hang in there! Your little ones will grow up a bit soon, and it will be better (promise) smile

Hey JennaLJ...Just because you're not pregnant, doesn't mean you can't venture into the pregnancy forum smile

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation after birth. It's hard to know what to expect, so maybe 'expect the unexpected' is the best way to be, esp with No2.

I hope things improve for you real soon and you're feeling like your former self.

I'm bracing myself for anything when baby comes out re:Connor's behavior. With a toddler that's something you have very little control over or insight into. I'm praying the transition from only child to big brother will be easy. I doubt it though as he likes A LOT of my knee space now. He won't be able to get it soon so he will just have to adjust, and I'll just have to find clever ways of making 'us' time special so he feels like he isn't entirely missing out.

Isabelle, what a little darling she looks. Mind you though, with that grin I can see her being a little devil too. A cute devil in pink though. I feel terrible when I lose it at Connor for stupid things, and I feel guilty it will do life long damage to him. Even though I think that, 10 mins after an event he is all over me again like a rash as if nothing has happened. That's when I normally hug him and say Mummy is sorry sad

I find dinner time now to be really difficult as I'm usually most tired then and mentally exhausted. To have two dinners to prepare (as he will not eat what we eat), and bath time all in the same hour drives Mummy mad, lol. Now that Connor won't sit behind the TV whilst I do dinner it's more of a challenge as he wants to help etc.. and if he isn't helping he is screaming for some attention.

As for my broken sleep it won't make much difference as Connor STILL wakes several times a night and needs settling. He has always been a terrible sleeper. He goes through a week where he is good but it never lasts. Just tempts us to how it could be.

I'm worried when No2 comes along, that we'll be getting much less 'unbroken' sleep. DH and I have already discussed the sleeping arrangements. Baby in basinette in our room. DH in baby's room in spare bed which is across the hall from Connor's room. He can attend Connor at night and I baby. That way we only get woken by one child each, lol. See how that plan goes.

Thanks for your honest input about 'not quite coping' with No2. I'm sure in time it will become more manageable for you and for me once it happens. Fingers crossed for you/us and all the new second time Mum's reading.

Take care...Michelle smile

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08


Hi Trudy,

Gee you must have a great MIL to tell you such things. Mine just laughs at me no matter what the situation, she's what I'd consider 'real cookey'. Needless to say I can't rely on her for any help sad

You are right, it's nice to hear you are doing a good job from time to time. Esp when caught up in lots of drama's as you tend to forget you ARE doing a good job. Thanks once again for the memo smile

WOW you are also lucky your DH can understand your situation with bubs. I may work on getting Connor into an extra day of care when bubs is out. I'll see how we fair. He ADORES childcare, he is on a high when he gets home. If he didn't enjoy it I'd be in two minds about leaving him there.

[email protected] the image of DH and Ethan wanting your every bit of attention when you were tyring to post last night. I so see that scenario! Why is it the woman of the house is sooooooooo needed and wanted? I tell my Mum that some days I could sit on the sofa and have Connor staring at me with wishful eyes, Shaun (DH) doing the same and then the dog sitting wanting my attention. I laugh thinking, "WELL, what does everyone want??'. Even when I visit Mum, at times I can walk and Connor and Shaun follow my every step. I'll tell Mum to watch and I deliberately move in zig zags and they follow like little lost puppies. It's nice to be liked - no LOVED....admired?! lol

Hmmmm Connor was a bad bad BAD sleeper (and still is) from about 5 weeks of age. He also started as a poor feeder but we managed to stick with it and I breast fed for a long time there after. He didn't have sucking reflex for FOUR days and when he finally did he couldn't latch on. That took lots of time to sort out, after a nipple shield was used for many weeks.

Even now he is a poor eater. His menu is limited and appetite too. He is 3 at the end of July (as you were asking) and only weighs 11kgs!!! He is a petite little cute boy. Unlike me, he just isn't into food, esp if there is fun to be had...he will just forget that food is important! All in all he has been a hard all-rounder and all who know us pray that my No2 will not be the same. They say it's time I had a break, lol.

I agree that I'm not depressed but just wondered what the outside world thought. I've been there before so know the feeling. I won't deny I've been feeling flat and down from being so ill of late, but I guess that's normal too. Name one person who'd be feeling great about being so ill???

Congrats on making it to your last day at work this time. I also hope you go into labor on Monday to save you from toddler insanity, lol. I think you'll surprise yourself if you are at home though. You'll see. Can't wait to hear what you have and how you go once bubs is out. When and if you get the time make sure you keep me 'posted' lol.

I like surprises...so I never found out with Connor or this one. I'm very curious to know what's hiding beneath my skin though. Time will tell....good luck once again and take great care.

Michelle x smile

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Hi Michelle

Well, I am still here, but that's cool. Am ready any time now, so its up to bub, and I'm too over-it to put any energy into wishing it out, or otherwise.

Today was 1st day at home with Ethan on my own. We did a massive grocery shop, and I'm pleased to say he was so much better behaved than in the past. We havent had too many dramas at all actually, unless you count three whole toilet roles ending up in the loo. (He wants to wipe his own butt, but unfortunately takes the whole roll off and wipes with it, then chucks it into the bowl). Not a nice fishing expedition, I can assure you!

Good news about your plan with DH attending to Connor thru the night when bub is here. At the moment (well actually for about the past 4-5 months) Ethan sneaks into our room in the wee hours and gets into the bottom of our bed. A bad habit, I know, but we all get good sleep, so I am not caring! Think when bub is here and I am up with the lamp on all thru the night, he'll get the poops and go back to his bed. I think DH has also agreed to attend to Ethan, but the only prob with that is, he's too lazy to train Ethan about sleeping in his own bed etc.

I have a chair next to his bed and will only sit next to him until he goes to sleep. The original plan was to phase myself (and DH) out of his room entirely by the time bub is born, so he puts himself to sleep, but this hasnt quite happened sad Anyway, DH will just go and get into bed with him, and I just think that's such a HUGE step backwards! But I cant tell him anything....

For a while there, Ben and I were eating toddler meals ourselves for tea - just easier than cooking the two separate meals. Thankfully, now Ethan does eat what we eat. He idolizes DH, so just wants to do anything that DH does, so that includes eating the same food.

Is 11kg bad?? I remember just 9 months ago (when Ethan was 4 months off turning 3) he weighed about 13kg...he's had a massive growth spurt in the last 9 months (gotten much taller, not much fatter) and he is now around 20kg.

I think you should be in luck with No 2. Surely you deserve to be cut some slack! Actually, I always thought Ethan was such a handful, I should def. get a "better one" this time LOL. Although, reading your posts, I havent had half the trouble you have had. Ethan's just always been such a strong, determined, stubborn little personality. I guess you'd call him "high maintence" in terms of controlling him, but not those issues with feeding/sleeping/health etc. which would be most difficult, so I should think myself lucky (and I do).

Anyway, should stop rambling now.

Will let you know if there is any progress in the labour dep't.

Bye - take care

Trudy

I enjoy reading your posts, you paint the pictures so well smile

Sorry your wish didn't come true and you went in yesterday. If it's any consolation you know it will happen sooner rather than later now, tee hee.

Being someone on the outside, I think it's cute Ethan sneaks into the foot of your bed. Connor can come into our room but he makes it obvious as we have top pick him up. I say do what ever works best, esp when pregnant, lol.

Three rolls in the toilet argghhh. Hope it's not the good stuff?? We use Quilton and I think I'll be buying the cheap and nasty stuff for Connor once he starts using it. Atm he likes to sit on the 'big toilet' and use the paper but he hasn't even done anything, lol. That's the part that annoys me. He wants more and more and more. I take the roll off and put it on the window sill saying 'All gone' and walk away only to go back to find he has another roll on the holder and wiping away at fresh air, lol.

If it makes you feel any better, DH also slips into Connors bed to settle him. I don't approve but I'd hate to think I had to do every settle with him so I accept it. DH falls asleep easily so he usually falls asleep before Connor and stays there for a good hour or so. When I have bubs I don't care what happens at their end of the house as long as bubs and I are left alone to do our thing smile

[email protected] toddler meals. If we ate what Connor did all we'd have is a bowl of rice with margarine and chicken salt or nuggets!!! Oh or fruit and yoghurt...bread and butter, lol. In the last few nights he has shown progress...he was excited to see Daddys plate and ran to the draw to get his fork. He sat with daddy and ate some bolognaise sauce OMG. Then last night I gave him his rice and he didnt want it. He then saw my plate ran and got his fork (normally I give him a spoon but guess wants to be like us now). Blow me down he sat and ate rice with my curry sauce from my curry snags. He even got the occasional cabbage, carrot and bean fragment if he didnt see it. He ate HEAPS too. He kept saying 'more rice' so off I'd trot. I was so excited.

11kgs is TINY for an almost 3 yo. He is really petite. He has always just made it onto the percentile graph. At 18 months he fell off it.

Well I'd love to stay and write more but I'm facing a dilemma. I went to the toilet before to find a puddle of watery blood in my PJ pants!!! I wiped a lot away too?!?!?!??! I'm kinda 'shitting' myself now. I'm hoping it's not my waters leaking at 32 weeks! My Ob office is open now so I have to go and make the scary call and most likely go and see him.

All the best Trudy...
michelle

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

I'm sooooo glad I found this post. I thought I was the only person on this planet that was going through this & I feel so horrible every time I yell at my just 2yr old son. I'm now 35wks pregnant & I think I started to completely lose my patience from about 30wks. It's just getting progressively worse as the weeks go on. Here's hoping this one makes its way to the world early like DS1 did so the poor lil guy doesn't cop it from me anymore.

Me 27, DH 27, DS - 16th May 2006, BFP - EDD 05/07/

HI lemah06.

I'm glad this posting made you feel 'normal'. Certainly isn't easy for some second time around with a 2yo hey?

My patience is worse when ill, and I've been getting repetitive cold viruses for the last FOUR months. I took a month to get over the worse one I've had just recently only to have a few days break to get another one on Monday this week. I sure hope I not only get my patience back after birth my my immune system also. I call myself the 'virus sponge' now, lol.

I think my patience started running thin at about 25 weeks. I know it was before 30 weeks. Just when I got over feeling really morning sick my 'no patience' set in. My friend is 10 days in front of me and we seem to be going through the same motions which is nice to share. Doesn't make it any easier or understandable.

All the best for your upcomming birth. I'm 34 weeks atm so sounds like we could have our bubs no2 at roughly the same time. I won't go past 1st July as that will be 39 weeks and i need to be induced because of Gestational Diabetes.

May our patience return, sooner than later...will be thinking of you 'miss normal' smile

Chelle

Michelle,Connor,Jai 2/7/08

Oh...I just hope our poor little pets don't remember this horrible time in our/their lives.

Me 27, DH 27, DS - 16th May 2006, BFP - EDD 05/07/

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