Last night i went out to a family birthday party and was speaking to people that i didn't know. While my partner was dealing with the stress of other things (as he was constantly pushed away form ny DD and now has the chance of being there for this child frm the begining) and other home problems that have been going on. I decided not to tell him about my fears and let him relax for the night.
Any way while talking to others at the party my up-comming birth came up in all the conversations, which while i didn't mind made me feel a little uncomfortable. So long story short with the fact that i have very little at home (everything is on lay-by) and i was critisied as i don't have everything at home. Those who know me know that i would probably give everything away to those who need it at the time.
After the party we came home and put our little one to bed, but i was constantly thinking about what had come up in all the conversations and it started to upset me. Soon all the old insecurities came to mind.
Some of the things that came to mind were that i was not going tobe a good mother to baby No#2, that i would not be able to cope with 2 children, my mil would take over raising my unborn child ( as she tried to with DD), that dp was only wiht me as we have 1 child and 1 on the way, that he was going to leave me as i don't look like i do when we first met ( i was 55kgs, now something like 90). these are just a few things that came to mind.
I ended up waking up around 12:30 this morning in tears. But while i wanted to tell my dp what was wrong i just couldn't do it and it made me feel even worse. This also made him feel as tho it was his fault and we have pritty much not spoken today. He told me that he was majorly stressed and apoligised if he was the reason that i was upset. I told him that if he wanted to know what has made me so sad i would tell him. I don't think that he really wants to knowas he may feel even worse.
Long story short i was just wondering if these feelings are normal or is there something wrong with the way i am. I have almost gotten to the point that i don't want to give birth. Up until last night i was fine and couldn't wait as dp is going to be in the room with me which is something that i desperately wanted to have him in there for our first child. I am getting scared and have constantly wanted to cry and having to stop myself as my DD gets really upset and scaring her. Please someone tell me that these feelings are going to go away. I didn't have depression with my DD and wondering if this is what is going on atthe moment.