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How involved was your mum in your pregnancy? Lock Rss

Ok so this may turn out to be a bit of a rant, but I am now 37 1/2 weeks and Mum has said that she has felt very left out during my pregnancy.
Some background:
Mum is very clucky and maternal especially with other peoples babies.
Mum is also a very strong person, as in she thinks her way is not only the right way but the only way & I struggle to stand up to her and say no.
It is mine and my fiances first child and he is great and wants to be involved in any way possible in my pregnancy. I can't complain at all with him - sickening I know!!
I have had a very easy pregnancy and have been very lucky, the only issue if you could call it that is that we have a big baby and have only been sent to one extra appointment and a growth scan, which naturally I wanted my Fiance with me & he wanted to be there too.
His Mum is coming over from overseas to stay with us for 10 days a few days before my due date & now Mum is starting to sound very jealous about it. Mum lives 5 mins around the corner from us.

Also when Mum was pregnant with me she was a solo parent and my father wanted nothing to do with her pregnancy, so her Mum was able to go to most of the appointments.
Also at the time I was born Mum had a lot of people in the room, but at the hospital we are having baby at they are quite strict on only 2 support people in the room at a time. I asked Mum early on in my pregnancy if she would like to be there during the birth. Which she said yes.
Now she is acting like she will get kicked out for DF's Mum. Which is so not the case. The plan is for the three of them DF, Mum, and MIL to "tag team" during labour, with Mum and DF in the room once I've started pushing, The birthing suite has a nice "waiting room" type area that is only seconds from the actual Delivery room.
What I was wondering is how involved were other ladies Mums during their pregnancy's?
I invited my mum to a couple of my midwife appts to keep her involved, and made sure i showed her scan pics/video, and of course talked about my pregnancy probably more than she wanted! But that was about it. I didnt have or want her at the hospital when having my first child, and for my second she was at my house looking after DD1. Was more than happy for her to visit whenver she wanted, both while i was in hospital and when I came home, but would have HATED to have anyone else staying at my house when i came home with new bub. I think that's a really important family time for everyone to get used to their new situation, without 24/7 spectators.
My mum isn't involved at all. I'm 11 weeks pregnant now and have been having some very stressful complications. My mum knows it's been rough for me but hasn't even bothered contacting me to ask if me or the baby are okay.

I sent her a message to let her know I'd uploaded pics to FB of my latest ultrasound, to which she didn't even reply.

It's very disappointing, almost heartbreaking, especially considering she was there every step of the way for my sisters pregnancy and birth earlier this year.

Makes me feel pretty alone... Especially being that she's one of very few immediate family in the country. sad
Both my pregnancy my mum was involved, she was even my back up if hubby hit the floor during my long labour and c-sections. But she wasn't needed.

She help me alot even helping making list of what i needed to buy.





I invited my mum to a couple of my midwife appts to keep her involved, and made sure i showed her scan pics/video, and of course talked about my pregnancy probably more than she wanted! But that was about it. I didnt have or want her at the hospital when having my first child, and for my second she was at my house looking after DD1. Was more than happy for her to visit whenver she wanted, both while i was in hospital and when I came home, but would have HATED to have anyone else staying at my house when i came home with new bub. I think that's a really important family time for everyone to get used to their new situation, without 24/7 spectators.


Thanks Lisa_Jem
Forgot to mention that I have already invited her to one of our midwife appts, which she came to, but to be honest took over the appointment and it became about her pregnancies with us 4 kids - my younger brother is 15. Have invited her to the next appointment just to keep her happy, but now I kind've feel like I have been manipulated into asking her. Also we come from NZ but are in Aus now so also things are very different.
We also went round to her place after the ultrasound which we found out the sex and showed her the pic, and on our way home from our growth scan stopped at my sisters as was sure Mum and her hubby would be there as sister was moving that day so told her bout the scan. Also invited her to the baby and child expo with me, we both went and had a ball.
I just feel like I can't do anything right. She wants me to go to her work for her lunch break so she can "show me off" to her workmates, but it feels weird she has only been at this job 2 months tops, I have never met any of them and it sounds stupid don't really like leaving the house by myself at the moment, I am more than happy to go out with others, but I put it down to the fact I am only 5ft 1 and baby is already measuring 8lbs and I feel awkward & sore all the time due to bubs being so big.
Also everytime I complain about the heat or being tired I get told by her "When you are on to your 2nd, 3rd or 4th you just get on with it, and you'll look back and think man I was being a sook." Also it seems anything I say her pregnancies were worse, harder etc.
Which is fine as I have had a better than text book pregnancy. But feel like I can't complain about anything around her, because she always has a harder or worse story.
Sorry about the whinge, I am just frustrated I guess.
Whenever we talk about baby or my impending labour she is also always telling me "you do this" or "this will happen, and then this will happen, and when this happens you need to do so and so" rather than just when she does offer advice saying things like, I found this helped for me, but it may be different for you.
She has basically already told me how my labour will progress, blow by blow, and that I need to go to her house when I think I am in labour and have a bath or swim to see if it is real labour as false labour stops underwater etc. I just feel like she is always telling me what I have to do and there is no arguing with her.
Sorry for the novel

My mum isn't involved at all. I'm 11 weeks pregnant now and have been having some very stressful complications. My mum knows it's been rough for me but hasn't even bothered contacting me to ask if me or the baby are okay.

I sent her a message to let her know I'd uploaded pics to FB of my latest ultrasound, to which she didn't even reply.

It's very disappointing, almost heartbreaking, especially considering she was there every step of the way for my sisters pregnancy and birth earlier this year.

Makes me feel pretty alone... Especially being that she's one of very few immediate family in the country. sad


I'm sorry to hear that, it cant be easy.
Hopefully she comes round and supports you.
My Mum has always been very much involved in my pregnancies, has come to a few appointments with me, scans, has been at my births and will be this time too. I couldnt do it without my Mum lol!
my mum took me to my appts as i had hyperemesis and couldnt get there myself. my husband couldnt get the time off work and she wanted too so it worked well. she was there for my scans and then attended the birth.

sounds like the issue is not with u hun def sounds like ur mums. u from what i see have involved her plenty (not that u even have to, its ur baby and u should not be made to feel any certain way about involving anyone).
personally if my mum took over my appts and spoke to me the way she does with u ie myne was so much worse or when u are in labour u will do this this and this ............ i would be having a really good sit down where i would tell her how im feeling. that its a privelage for her to be asked to be apart of certain things throughout and certainly not her right. that yes she has obvious wisdom by going through it herself and u appreciate her opinion but if she could understand that this is ur pregnancy, your body and your feelings and they are not going to be identical to her experience. i would certainly be pointing out that yes other women may encounter more pain or feelings of being uncomfortable but at the end of the day u are growing a human and are entitled to have a winge whenever u damn please without being told to suck it up.

if after sitting down with her she doesnt agree to tone it down i would personally just not inclue her much. at the end of the day this is YOURS and your FIANCEs bub and u will never get the opporunity to enjoy it for the first time again. its such a special time and u dont want anything ruining it if u can help it. if ur partner is plenty of support for you then mayb it mayb be best to just rely on each other smile

all the best
My mum lives 900km away, so obviously she wasn't vert involved in my pregnancies... My MIL lives close by, and came to a few of my appointments when pregnant with DS1- only because my partner works away though.
As for having my mum or MIL in the delivery room with us.... NO WAY!! They've had their turn at giving birth and I think its a special bonding experience for only you and your partner.
Thanks ladies,
was beginning to think I was being unreasonable, but from what you have all written I feel like I was right all along.
I couldn't sleep all night last night because I now have thoughts going through my head like, once bubs is born and I have had the hour skin to skin and DF has had a decent cuddle, what sort of grief am I going to be given down the track if his Mum is given first cuddles, given that mine will be in the room when she is actually born it seems fair to me his mum should get the next cuddle after us. Given that she has also spent god knows how much flying from NZ to be there with us, but then I can see it being turned around on me that My Mum isn't staying with us so his Mum will have more time with bubs in those first few days ETC.

The worse thing is I have tried talking to Mum about other stuff during my pregnancy that has annoyed me and she will never just accept what I say, she always has to fight it to the bitter end, so I always back down to keep the peace.
I know she is excited because this is her first Grandchild, but DF is an only child so his Mum only gets our children, I am one of 4 so my Mum is possibly going to get more grandkids than just our bubby.

I also don't want to upset the apple cart too much, because my fear is I could go into labour anyday now and don't want there to be resentment from Mum for years to come or it to affect her relationship with our daughter. Urrrgh!! I even said to DF last night, hopefully by the time our Mum's get back to the hospital I am somehow out of it due to the drugs or something, then it can't come back to haunt me!!

I'm sure it will all fall into place on the day, just wish my Mum cold be more understanding and be like his Mum who keeps saying to me " It's about you three, Mum , Dad and Baby, If you decide on the day you don't want any of us there it is entirely up to you etc etc." She is just stoked that all going to plan and I don't go too early, she will be able to see her grandaughter minutes old.
not at all she hasnt even met my daughter yet
and she is 2 at the end of janurary
Very involved. She knew 2+wks before anyone else and she got us our first baby clothes (she couldn't help it!), Her and DF alternated appts so DF didn't have to have time off work. We moved in with my parents when I was 7mths along as I have a medical condition and we didn't know how this would affect me. She came to the hospital and was there for everything. Then when we went home, my parents went away for the weekend so we could have time to be a family.

Wouldn't have it any other way, except next time she will probly be babysitting DS.




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