Pregnancy articles & tips
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DS 21-04-04 & Due 16-11-06
I am so sorry for your lost, it must be a terrible time for you. It's hard to cope when things seem so glum.
I lost my sister suddenly to suicide last year just before i got pregnant so i feel that throughout this pregnancy has been so much harder to deal with as this is my third. I'm 34 weeks at the moment and on medication to stop going into labour.
Try and focus on the baby and yourself but don't keep the grief inside as that can cause alot of stress to your body and baby. I hope things get a little easier for you to cope - easier said than done hey... but if you need to talk my email is [email protected]
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't have any real words of advice. Words are so inadequate at times like this. I thought i'd share some of my thoughts and my experience when my Dad passed away.
I lost my dad very suddenly two years ago and it was the worst time of my life. I've found that the pain still hasn't gone away, I've just learnt to cope with the pain as best as I can. It's like you re-learn to live your life, but without your Dad directly in it. And to do that i really had to experience the grief, I couldn't just ignore it. (it's really hard to explain, so i'm not sure if i'm making any sense at all). Some days are better than others and eventually you start having more good days than bad days. One thing i know, is that i'm not the same person I was before it happened.
I'm four months pregnant now and i feel the same sadness that i never got a chance to say goodbye to my Dad and that he will never meet his grandchild (and here i was thinking that i could get through this message without crying).. my EDD is my Dad's birthday so I'm convinced that he knows exactly what's going on. One of the things i find comforting is thinking about all the qualities i admired in my Dad and hoping that i can show these same qualities when it comes to raising my kids.
I really can't imagine how difficult it must be for you dealing with such profound grief at the same time you are feeling joy and anticipation for your first baby. You are probably going through the two most extreme events that you will ever experience in your life and they are unfortunately at opposite ends of the spectrum. Have you thought about talking to a professional counsellor? Perhaps it's something you should seriously consider.
A good friend of mine was in your situation last year. She really struggled with it and found that counselling really helped her. Her little boy will be turning 1 soon and she's been making a book for him filled with photos and memories of his Grandpa. She tells me it's been very therapeutic for her. Personally, I've thought about doing something like that for my baby, but it's still too painful for me. What I found helped me a little was reading some books about coping with grief. Surprisingly the local library had some books like "Coping with the Loss of a Parent" or something like that, that turned out to very good. It was something that i could do by myself at my own pace. But that's just me... I found it hard to talk to people who just couldn't begin to understand how much your life could change in 24 hours. Probably the one thing that helped me the most was having a very supportive partner.
What i have noticed is that everyone deals with grief very differently. What helps some people can make things worse for others. And sometimes even the most well intentioned words of support can feel insensitve - and as a result its easy to withdraw from people around you, which may not be the best thing.
So i really, truly hope i haven't made you feel worse, I just thought i'd share some of the feelings i had when my Dad died. If you are finding it hard to cope, which is totally understandable, please think about talking to a professional trained in this area.
due in october