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  5. Help... Could someone please give me some advise. If this keeps going will i loose my baby?

Help... Could someone please give me some advise. If this keeps going will i loose my baby? Lock Rss

Hi Ladies,

I'm hoping that someone out there will take the time to read this post and give me some advise. I really need it at the moment.

10mths ago I moved to Sydney to start a relationship with my partner. I made the decision to leave my family and friends behind ( in victoria) to pursue a relationship with a man I thought I was happy to spend the rest of my life with. We had been seeing each other for a while and known each other as friends for many years. I decided that Sydney was full of opportunities and I would make the move.

Soon after arriving I began to discover cracks in my relationship, I began missing my family and friends terribably. My partner wasn't interested in making me a part of his family nor was it ' ok' in this eyes for him to spend the night at my house. Over the past 10 months I have been battling with him to stay at my house on weekends, to include me in his family ( he still lives at home with his parents) and make me apart of his world. I miss my family life and friends so much, and thought that his could offer some much needed support and comfort. It never happened though. Not only did he not want to make me apart of his greater family, he actually forbid me from coming to his parents house to visit him. I currently live in a shared house environment and he lives with his parents. I know this sounds as though we are a couple of teenagers, let me assure you that's not the case. I'm 27 and he's 34.

For months I have struggled emotionally. I miss my family and friends more then anything. My boyfriend says that I am suffering from depression and that I am mentally sick. I have been and seen a doctor about feeling down and lonely and have been advised that I am emotionally suffering due to the life change I have made.

To make things worse, 2 weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant. My partner was in New Zealand at the time. During those 2 weeks he was working and very busy, I felt that he neglected me and wasn't interested in my news. I found it very hard to deal with things by myself, only having a voice down the other end of the line didn't make things easier.

He returned home from New Zealand the weekend just gone. Due to the pregnancy and being away from family and friends I have been an emotional mess. I have tried to talk to him about offering me support and he wont. I have spoken with you about feeling sick ( I have constant morning sickness) and his reply is " your not sick, your mentally sick".

Last night we argued, once again. I mentioned to him that I couldn't have this child without support. Whether it be from him or his family, I need someone around. I suggested to him that we move in together and make this work. His reply was I will move when im ready. ( he is still yet to tell his parents). Knowing that im currently struggling this much, I don't want to be alone for this pregnancy. I suggested to him that if he wasn't willing to help me and support me I would have to move back to Victoria. To which he replied " I will fight you for custody or I will move to Europe so you never get a cent out of me" of cause I ended up in tears screaming at him down the phone saying " how could you say that, how could you upset me in my condition" His reply to this was " shut up before I come over and kick you in the stomach and you loose the baby"...

I'm really at a complete loss on what to do. I do love him, I do want things to work but I cant do this alone. My baby's health is at risk and nothing I say to him makes any difference.

Hopefully some of you out there could offer me some advise.

Thanks for listening.

Bam.
[Edited on 13/06/2007]
not much help - but i'd call his mother and tell her what mischief her naughty son has been upto! and i would quite honestly leave the bastard - i would never put up with somone like that! sounds like he is controlling you.

I would move back home and be with the people I know care about me. And also report the threat he made against you and the baby incase it might hold up in court later in a custody battle. It honestly doesn't sound like he is very mature at all.

It's a pity that you are in a relationship with someone like that - but there are plenty of great guys out there who would support you and love your child.

Honestly that is just horrible the way you have described him treating you and I wouldn't stand for it. Go see his parents while he is at work and discuss it with them - maybe they aren't as bad as their spoilt son!
Hi Nicole,

Thanks for replying to my post. I have thought about speaking to his parents, though im sure it wont help.

They are both in the their late 70's and dont speek allot of English. My partner has an older sister who is in her 40's. I have thought about speeking to her. Though I dont have a relationship with her and he would simply turn it around and tell them that i am insane or something.

I am sure that his sister would speek to him, it wouldnt make any difference though. More then likely just make him more brutal towards me.

Thanks again, you have provided food for thought!
Bam
honestly mate - if his sister trying to help would make him more brutal you should get out of that relationship. I understand that you love him - if you didn't you would have got out of the relationship. Maybe try talking to his sister and if it gets you no where then get out of the relationship... I don't think your baby will benefit from having a father like that. Does his sister have kids?
Yes, she has 3 kids. I guess I feel uncomfortable talking to her because I dont know her. I have only met her once, he has gone out of his way to keep me from his family.

Part of me doesnt want to take this step, because I know that it will be the end of the relationship. Though I have to weigh up whats more important. Loosing my child or loosing him!!!
Bam,

i hope you are ok.
but i think you need help and support.
obviously your boyfriend isn't ready to grow up and take the next step in caring for you and your unborn child.
you cannot put up with the threats against your baby's life.

by the sounds of what you have written he has gone out of his way to keep you out of his family. if he really loved you he would not have done this.
and really why is a guy that age still living at home with mummy and daddy.

my suggestion is to report the threat that his has made towards you and your baby.
and really think whats more important to you
the life of your unborn baby. or staying with a guy that from the sounds of it really doesn't give a damn about you or the baby.

I apologise if that sounds harsh i dont wanna upset you.
but you can do this move back to victoria so you have your families support.

i'm a single mum of a 2 yr old boy and i'm 26 weeks pregnant, if any guy ever made that kind of threat towards my children i'd leave. your child and yourself should be your number 1 priority.

If you wanna chat you can pm me or just email me
[email protected]

shelley has put it really well. If you are really worried about his family then keep them out of it. But he seems like an absolute a**ehole...

Same deal - if you want to talk them PM me and add me to MSN. [email protected]

love to chat. keep us updated on what happens.
Bam, i have to agree with shelley and nicole on this one report the threat, and take the step to move home you will have the loving support of your family, let him move to europe his money might be of use but the trouble he would give you doesnt sound like it would be, you and your baby dont need him around to be happy only support from friends and family can help make you feel happy i grew up without a father and have met him since and am glad of the decisions my mum made, im sure one day your child will understand.
my msn is [email protected] if u ever need to chat.

Amy
Bam,

You are obviously going through hell at the moment - my heart really goes out to you.

You obviously love the guy but if he's making threats against you and your unborn child, maybe it's best that you are not in the same house together. At least you can leave where you are at any time.

HOnestly, I have no idea what you are going through but I can tell you having 1 child (2years) and another on the way, it is hard enough to cope in a positive, loving relationship where you both want the best for your child. If you think you are under pressure now, when the baby is born and you are getting no sleep, no support and constant threats...... then you might have a very good reason to be "mentally sick" as he puts it.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you. If you want to talk - PM me (sorry don't have MSN)

Jules

Jules - DS 15/6/05, DD 11/7/07

Hi Bam,

First of all, big hugs to you and congrats about the baby on the way.

If I was in your situation, I would pack all my things up and move back to Melbourne to be with all the people that love and support you as you are going to need it.

But its easy for me to say that, because I am not emotionally attached like you are/

I know you love him heaps, but the first warning bells should have been the fact that he has kept you isolated from his family (as well as your own through distance). If you do stay in sydney and have this baby, is he going to move in and introduce you to his friends and family? As far as I'm concerned he should have already done this regardless of a baby on the way.

You need to ask yourself
Will he move in? Will he support me emotionally, financially and physically through this? Will he include me in his family and life? Is this relationship going to last long term? Am I happy in this relationship? Will he make a good dad? Is he accepted by your family and how does your family feel about him?

Have a long think about what you want and need at this time in your life. I am sure you will make the right decision

Good luck, and my thoughts are with you.

Gold coast, DD 3.5years, DD 15mths #3 on the way

Bam.... My heart goes out to you but I think you need to talk to someone professional just incase your partner puts his words into action and becomes violent it can all be documented and he will not get any custody.....

It does sound to me he may be hiding something else from you...I hope he isn't but when a friend of mine went through something similar her partner didn't live with his parents but had a wife and kids already....He needs to come clean with his life or let you into his life if there isn't anything hidden. he is not a baby he is a grown man and if he will not offer support just pick up and go back to your family where you will get the support he doesn't even have to know where you have gone as he has threatened you once at least.....

Good luck and keep yourself and the baby safe.....
Bam Im so sorry that he has put you in this situation.
I really hope that you are doing ok at the moment.
You love him, that is clear but from what you have said do you really think he feels the same way? I know that is a really upsetting thought but the nine months that you are pregnant are really hard especially the end and then if you go over its just so frustrating and you need loads of support. Sounds like you hve a great life back in vic, You need to be happy in life and you are not where you are.
I think that having a baby is the best thing that can happen to a women you will love this baby with or without the support of it a**hole father

Good luck

PM me anytime and i will give you my MSN

Bunny

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